My baby wants to be held all the time. Older women tell me to let my 4 wk old cry when there is nothing apparently wrong with him. Younger women say he's too young. Who is right? How long should he "cry it out"? And if I have tried EVERYTHING, what am I to do, I dont want him spoiled. He has to go to daycare in 2 weeks, how will they handle a baby who cries cause he wants to be picked up all the time?
2006-09-12 06:54:56 · 31 answers · asked by Aruna21 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
As a specialist in chid development and a mother of 3, I can tell you for a fact that a 4-week-od does not yet have the cognitive ability to be "spoiled." A baby at this age cries because of a need (whether it be he is hungry, tired, sick, has gas, ...). Don't feel bad if you can not figure it out. With all of my experience professionally, I was often nervous or second guessing myself with my children. It is difficult to see your child crying and not know why. Also, every child is different and requires varying degrees of attention. My second child (first infant as oldest was adopted at 2) went to daycare at 10 weeks and did fine, despite the fact that I tended to hold her all the time (was fascinated with her and couldn't be close enough to her). They can not hold the baby all the time at daycare, but will work hard to meet his needs and keep him happy. Try to find something in the next couple weeks that helps keep him content, even if only for 10 minutes (swing, swaddling, bouncy chair, etc.). If at 12 weeks you are still having problems, I would start working more at helping him learn to comfort himself. As long as his basic needs are met, it will not hurt him to cry for 5-10 minutes (will probably hurt you more than him), and typically a child will learn ways to comfort himself. By then you will most likely develop a better understanding of his types of cries and what they mean. If not (I had a more difficult time with my 3rd child- figuring out what she wanted), it is just a matter of trial and error. You will both be fine! Good luck!
2006-09-15 16:41:28 · answer #1 · answered by teacher/mother 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't spoil a 4 week old. Babies are made to be held, cuddled and loved. This isn't the 50s, where you ferberize your baby by only entering the room every 1/2 an hour.
My girls never had a crib. The cried because they were little babies and I picked them up. Now they are amazing, outgoing, successful and smart kids who know they are loved. If you pick up your baby and it stops crying, you HAVE done something. You made le bebe feel comforted. Listen to your heart and mind and STOP listening to everyone else's advice.
BTW - my daughter went to daycare at 12 weeks. The daycare ratio is quite low and any daycare that has babies in it will be used to this. Just make sure your wishes are met when he/she goes. If you are sending the baby to a daycare where it wanting to be picked up because it is a BABY freaks them out, then that should make you think twice about your child care provider.
PS Vibrating motion chairs rock. AND if your baby is on a bottle, and still crying after picked up and is having troubles make sure you get a milk allergy test done
2006-09-12 07:01:36 · answer #2 · answered by PinkPrincessNerd 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No one is right or wrong...it's all balance and all a difference of what you believe.
But, from my experience:
He is stinking 4 weeks old, pick that baby up and smother him!! lol Babies this young are actually learning who to trust and love, and mom needs to hold that baby as much as she can handle! He won't be spoiled unless you are still doing this at 2 years old....I have 3 kids and rocked them to sleep until they were a year old and they are all fine, independant kids now.
You can also try swaddling, that's most likely what they will do at the daycare if they can not hold him everytime. (I was an infant lead teacher at a daycare for 2 years.) Or any kind of movement, like a swing or vibrating chair. Don't worry...and enjoy that cute thing!!
2006-09-12 06:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by nic_tammyscott 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
According to my doctor you can not spoil a baby until after they are 4-6 months old. But if you find yourself getting frustrated with the crying, put the baby in the crib and walk outside for a few minutes for some quiet, then go back in to face it again. The day care with sooth the baby the best they can, but he will outgrow the crying and he will have to learn to sooth himself eventually. I think the time you can allow him to cry is between 15 -30 minutes. Eventually they do put themselves to sleep. If he doesn't stop crying then maybe he has a stomach ache so rub his stomach in a circular motion. If nothing else take him to the doctor to make sure everything is okay. The doctor will let you know what is the right way to handle the baby. I held my babies everytime they cried and they are not spoiled at all. In a book I read by holding the baby you make them feel secure and loved, not spoiled. Good Luck.
2006-09-12 07:08:59 · answer #4 · answered by Jessica R 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You CAN NOT spoil a 4 week old baby. A baby this age crys because he NEEDS something. Babies cry to communicate.
PLEASE do not let him CIO! Even the professionals who do recommend this technique DO NOT recommend it prior to 6 months of age!
Remember....he is trying to communicate when he crys! And he is trying to double his birthweight by 6 mos. He needs to eat frequently!
Being held is a very real NEED at this young age. A very short time ago, your baby was inside of you. He felt you around him 24/7. He was constantly rocked by your movement. He felt you/heard you/smelled you/tasted you around him every second. Now, he doesn't have a sense that you still exhist when you are not in contact yet. He also doesn't have a sense that the two of you are separate people yet. This is NORMAL and a survival instinct.
Get yourself a sling and wear him in the sling. Talk to the daycare and see if they are willing to sling him if he is fussy.
Get "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr. Sears.
2006-09-12 07:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are certain that nothing is wrong with the baby, then yes let him cry until the noise start to bother you. Crying isn't going to hurt him but you don't want him to feel as if he's alone. My son cried all through his infant months in the middle of the night and the only thing I could do was allow him to sleep with us, cause I lived in an apartment building and I didn't want people thinking I was abusing him or neglecting his needs. The doctor suggest leting him cry but you do have to think about your surroundings and the childs mental state. A spoiled child doesn't become spoiled from being held all the time. When you do everything for the child and let the child get whatever he/she wants then thats when they become spoiled.
Also try wrapping the baby in a blanket and lay he him in a nice snugg place, he just wants some comfort.
First and for most make sure nothing is wrong with him. I also had to change my son's formula to Lactose free and that helped alot. Carnation Good Start is a good formula also it's easy on there tummy.
2006-09-12 07:09:02 · answer #6 · answered by redbone_lds 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I would never let my kids cry it out. What's to say there is nothing wrong with him? Babies don't cry just for the heck of it - it is their way of communicating that something is wrong, even if that something is only insecurity. He went from being warm and securely held (in utero), hearing the constant rhythm of your heart and gastric sounds, then suddenly he's expected to stay by himself somewhere where there are no familiar sounds, temperatures vary and he's not being held as securely. Some babies cope with this better than others but ignoring his cries now will only make him more insecure.
If I were you, I would give him the time he needs now and delay going back to work until he is ready.
2006-09-12 07:03:07 · answer #7 · answered by auskan2002 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What formula is he on? He may be suffering from reflux. Have you tried mylicon drops. They are safe and can be used before his bottle which will help him if he is suffering from gas. Is he having bowel movements ok? Good luck, my kids were never like this however my sisters daughter cried morning thru night. I took her overnight a couple times just for a break and I thought I she was the kid from hell. She was finally switched to Nutramagien(formula)and put on meds for reflux and slept in a swing only! She eventually stopped, however don't let him cry it out, he needs to know your there and that young can't understand. Also the more you let him cry it out the more gassy he'll become from swallowing all the air. Good luck, it will pass soon.
2006-09-12 07:20:19 · answer #8 · answered by k17 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. My son cried almost constantly when he was awake unless we held him. We could not give him as much attention as he wanted. Twice we took him to the doctor--an old experienced family doctor--because we thought surely there was something wrong. He did an examination and then concluded, " Some people are fussy all there lives." We were never comfortable. Today my son healthy and does not remember being a crying child. Do your best, pray and trust your instincts.
2006-09-16 01:05:23 · answer #9 · answered by whiterook 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Newborns can't usuallly be spoiled. They need to learn that they will be taken care of to feel secure. If you have to let her cry for a few minutes though (10 min?) to get something done it won't hurt her either. When she goes to daycare in a few weeks he will adjust to having a little less attention. Your baby will be older too so crying it out will begin to be more appropriate.
2006-09-12 07:02:04 · answer #10 · answered by Kitty33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋