Tell my friend that her comments hurt. I am engaged to be married in April 07 and she in Mar. 07 but it has now been moved to Oct. 06. She asked me to be a part of her bridal party which I can do but she also asked me to be the one that throws the Bridal Shower. Between planning my own wedding, buying a house and working two jobs I don't have a whole lot of time but I'm trying to do this for her. Here's the thing. When I haven't done something according to her schedule (preset by her grandmother) she says to just forget about it and she doesn't need a "silly party" anyway. Then in her blog she states that she's so stressed out at having to plan her wedding in just under two months because her friends are "too busy" to help her. Am I wrong in thinking that she kind of brought in on herself by moving the wedding date? I have a full plate and am doing the best I can but her constant comments about not having help hurt.
2006-09-12 06:32:18 · 12 answers · asked by PaganPoetess 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It feels like she's trying to guilt me into dropping my plans to work on hers. And, I know this is going to sound a bit petty, but my engagement and wedding date were announced first. My wedding is also about twice the size of hers (due to my larger family).
2006-09-12 06:36:05 · update #1
Talking to her about things like this are hard. She is a very dramatic person and will start crying at the first hint of frustration then she blows up and makes irrational statements and decisions. She's not able to control her emotions very well.
2006-09-12 06:39:45 · update #2
I consider myself a sensitive person (sensitive to others when possible). However, I refuse to walk on eggshells and let other people call the shots when they are acting ridiculous. It sounds to me like your friend is being very ridiculous and someone needs to put her in her place. She is probably super emotional because everyone bends to her and she gets her way. It's called being spoiled. And I am sure you love your friend (and vice versa) but sometimes you just have to stick it out there and let her get hurt. And why should it be okay for YOU to be hurt but not let her know about it for fear of hurting her? That's not fair to you.
I am also planning a wedding and I know how much work is involved - nevermind working 60 hrs/wk, taking care of a house myself, taking a class at night, etc. It's crazy.
With that said... I would NEVER expect another person to drop everything to help me with my wedding. Your friend brought all of this upon herself. She moved the wedding up by 5 months. Whether she had people to help her or not, it's not fair for her to expect that this would go smoothly. I would absolutely talk to her.
2006-09-12 08:04:35 · answer #1 · answered by PT&L 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well your friend seems a little selfish. First of all its tacky as hell to ask someone to throw you a shower. A shower is a gift not an obligation that anyone is "supose" to do. Try to keep in mind that she is under at least some of the same stress if not more that you are except her date is rapidly approaching where as you have (wisely) given yourself time to prepare. Her feelings may be a little hurt that nobody has offered to give her a shower so she thought by mentioning it maybe you would then when you said you couldn't (by her schedule at least) she said "i dont t need one" because she was embarrassed.
As far as her comments go. Just be straight with her. Tell her you love her and want to be a part of her big day but that it hurts your feelings when she makes comments to make you feel guilty. She may not even realize that she is doing it because she is stressed and chances are her big day isn't going as smoothly as she would like ie no shower etc etc. If you can't go all out and plan a shower perhaps you could organize a "girls night" and go to dinner or something where people can get together and bring her presents if they want. That doesn't take more than a few phone calls to see if people can join you. That way you also don't get stuck paying for all the food, drinks, decorations etc that come with a shower. If she is a close enough friend that you are in her wedding try to sympathize with her a cut her a little slack.
2006-09-12 13:41:41 · answer #2 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This might sound kind of strange, but why don't you plan a bridal shower together. Have both of them at the same place. Unless your weddings are really far apart. But it's something neat you could both share together. Something different. But it would be kind of cool to have a bridal shower with a friend. Then you both get your showers planned and you can combine your ideas of the kind of party you want. Hope that helps!
2006-09-12 13:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by Mel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are trying your very best even though you have your wedding ahead. I think you should have a heart-2-heart talk with her and tell her that it hurts having such comments even though you are trying your very best. Sometimes when peeople are stressed and out of their comfort zone they do tend to pass comments which might be insensitive and they might not have even realised it. Talk it out with her 1-to-1. not over a phone or blog but face to face (less chances of misunderstanding)
She might feel bad but if she if she is a true friend, and genuinely cares for you she will understand.
Otherwise you will keep feeling hurt and stressed and that might start affecting your other relations like for example with your husband to be.
And since October is right here no harm in doing as much as you can- but of course also not getting carried away.
In the end each to his own.
Cheers
2006-09-12 13:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by amit d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A true friend would not expect you to do all of this knowing what you already have on your plate. She is rather selfish. I would drop her. She obviously is a very selfish person. I would leave her alone and find new more caring, sincere friends. Let her handle her issues and drama all alone. I feel sorry for her soon to be husband she seems very needy.
2006-09-12 13:37:29 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend is being VERY selfish!!!!! If she is a real friend you should be able to tell her that she is putting too much on you with everything you have already going on in your life. If her grandmother is setting the schedule maybe she could help out a little bit with everything.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
2006-09-12 13:37:49 · answer #6 · answered by polarbaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My response to her would be painful, but simple. "You deserve everything your heart desires for your wedding, as do I, so maybe the best thing would be to ask someone else to plan these things as I cannot give them the attention they deserve." And remind her of your love for her, and that you don't want her to regret anything about this friendship.
2006-09-12 13:37:56 · answer #7 · answered by steelypen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try talking to her about the hassle you're going through as well; you may be able to reach a compromise, i know people that have had this sort of problem and they shared jobs and switched so one aranged one's bridal shower while the other one arranged hers. tell her how you feel, she could be understanding!
:-) x
2006-09-12 13:35:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I can understand her being stressed! I can more so understand your side of things!!!! Blow it off...Do the best you can and let her know about it..If she is a real friend she will get you..If not screw her..You are to good to have someone that don't get it
2006-09-12 18:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her directly tht she is hurting ur feelings, tht u r trying hard but u r not able to, u too have a hectic schedule u urself have a wedding. i hope she understands.good luck.
2006-09-12 13:40:35 · answer #10 · answered by naturelover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋