Okay this situation is very complicated...and i hope all of you can read this and not judge me and only try to help....Okay ive been in a relashionship for the past 5 years....We are a blended family and things are wonderful. I met the man im with when i was 2 months pregnant with another mans child. The bio father never knew i was pregnant. I never talked to him after that. He has since moved out of state. The man i am with has been my sons father from the time he was born. He is all he knows. Would it be in the best interests of my child to contact his bio father and let him know or just keep things peaceful and the way that they are and the way he's always known. The man im with now doesnt want me to contact him at all. But our other children are older and know , so someday this child will know the truth...what should we do? hes 3 years old now just about 4. I feel i need to contact him for the sake of my son, but my partner says no way....
2006-09-12 05:56:31 · 9 answers · asked by jess_n_flip 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
This is tough. My sister did the same thing with her olders daughter. unfortunately, when my niece was 13 her "dad" and my sister split, leaving him to tell her that she wasn't his and that he wasn't taking anymore responsibility for her. She's 17, her biological dad has NEVER seen her and we have no idea where he is or if her even cares.
The scary part about contacting your sons biological father is the fear he may want to be a part of your sons life. I say let him. If he wants nothing to do with your son, then have him sign over his rights.
The truth is always better. Tell him you weren't sure until something came up and proved your new man wasn't the boys father.
Good luck. stop lying.
2006-09-12 06:24:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Staying in contact with the biological father is a good idea for a variety of reasons. First of all, the biological father still has parenting rights. The person you're with now would not be permitted to adopt your children without the biological father's permission. Secondly, there are medical reasons why you should stay in contact with the father. What if your son ever has an issue and needs access to his father's medical history or something like that? Thirdly, someday your children are going to want to at least know their father, and to want to deny them that is a short-sighted and immature desire on your partner's part.
2006-09-12 14:13:57 · answer #2 · answered by caylinn1996 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until the child is ready to contact him on his own. Obviously the biological father doesn't give two s h i t s about him, so why rock the boat? He could have at the very least called and checked on him. Leave things alone and when your son is older, like 17 or 18 tell him. Then he can choose whether he wants to seek him out. I am in a similar situation. But my son's real father has come in and out. But he has done it for the last time, because I will not allow it anymore. It seems like you have a wonderful, caring man who is his Daddy. I would just leave things alone for now. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-09-12 13:00:50 · answer #3 · answered by Good Gushy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The biological father should have been notified a long time ago. Your current "man" might be afraid of the bio dad coming back into your life or the child life and feels threatened. Does your child think this current man is his father?
Although it may be tough, I would get everything out in the open to avoid future resent and pain from the truth being withheld
2006-09-12 13:05:42 · answer #4 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is tough. FIRST let me say that your boyfriend/husband now deserves A LOT of credit for what he did with your son! There are very few men out there that would do this. I have a lot of respect for people like that!
Now, I CAN tell you that when I met my ex (the father of my daughter), he was 29 years old. About 6-8 months after we were dating he found out (by overhearing a conversation) that his "dad" was not his bio dad. He has 7 brothers & sisters and he's the only one that's not his "dad's". I cant even begin to explain what this did to him, after all these years, and no one telling him. He was more devastated about the lies that went on for years than the actual truth. It really put a wedge between him & his mom.
I'm not saying to tell him at the age of 3, but my advice would be to do so before HE realizes it. My ex really went through hell and lots of betrayl issues!
Good luck to you & your family!!
2006-09-12 13:07:53 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well if you have older children with this man and they know the truth, I would let him know sooner then later. When your son is mature enough to understand that this man is not his father, I would explain how when you got pregnant you were with one daddy, but when he was born you were with his daddy he has now. That his dad he has now loves him and always will. He should know of is bio dad incase of disease or anything he may want to know growing up.
2006-09-12 13:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if the guy knew and did nothing, what can you do? as much as you want to you can not force someone to love your son. i think he is still too young. wait until he is about 12 or so. just keep the info you have on him(where he lives) so if your son does want to contact him he has that option.
2006-09-12 13:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by tnmomof2as 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would not tell your child or call the sperm donor right now. Eventually, I would tell your son what happened and how to contact his father if HE wants to.
2006-09-12 13:08:11 · answer #8 · answered by Shyguy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think someone deserves to know they have a child. If you tell him and he blows you off then fine--at least you tried. But then again, he might be suprised but end up happy and could be a great addition to your child's life.
2006-09-12 13:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋