unruly step child?

Question

how do you control an unruly step child if the mother is to tenderhearted to spank the child due to fear of being a bad mother? he sceams at her, tells her what he is gonna do, wont eat what we eat( he has to have what he wants) and will cry and scream if you raise your voice to him! please help me end my hell!

the child is 4. i do not dicipline him. i dont feel it is my place to do so. if the mother requested me to do so, i would but with hesitation. he is a spoiled brat! he has no respect for his mother at all! if i talked to my mother like that when i was his age, i would be picking my *** up off the floor!

Answer 1

Lay the law down. PERIOD. The child will eat what you eat, or the child will not eat at all.

When the child screams or does anything else inappropriate, put him in the naughty spot. do not let him out until he apologizes.

YOU HAVE TO ESTABLISH ORDER AND BE THE PARENT, especially if your wife will not do it. Somebody has to, but it works BEST if you get on the same page. You aren't hurting the child by disciplining, on the contrary, you are forever socially handicapping the child by letting him continue as he is. Where do you think

You aren't the DNA dad, but that doesn't matter, you are the Dad in his life. I don't care who what when why or how the DNA dad is in the picture. The child is in YOUR home, and he will obey YOUR rules. It MOST definitly is YOUR place to discipline him. Have this talk with the mom. If she doen't want to play ball, then file for divorce. If you can't have it your way, you need to get out now.

(I got the term "DNA Dad" from a friend in college. This is how he refered to his "real dad", he just hated that term. To him, they were both "real" dads. Step dad was/is "Dad" and the other was DNA dad.)

Answer 2

First off, don't consider him your "step" child, either his your kid or not. Next, children tend to live what they learn. If you yell, they yell. If you are out of control, they are. If you are hostile, they will be. Always remember that children are just smaller people, they have the same feelings that we do. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you react if someone was screaming at you, spanking you? Talk to him, remain calm at all times. Tell him that you and mom will not allow him to behave disrespectfully and give him time out, one minute for each year old he is. If he "GETs UP" The time is restarted. But always, as the adult, stay calm, eventually he will too.

As far as food and eating goes. Do not make him separate meals, if he doesn't eat what he is served then he goes to bed hungry. Eventually, he will get so hungry he WILL eat. However, letting him pick out once a week what is for dinner might be fun for him and you. Another way to get him to eat what the family is eating for dinner, is to let him help prepare and cook it. You know simple stuff. By paperplates and plastic utensils and every so often let him set the table and clear it away to the trash when your all done. The point is, is to get him involved in the family.

You didn't say how old he is, but I'm assuming 3-5 years old. If this is the case, you need to calmly get control of the situation now, before it gets worse. Everything I have written down for you I do with all four of my children and it helps. We're not perfect, we have issues with kids too, but it's how you handle it that makes the difference. Good luck!

Answer 3

How old is this kid? You probably really need to talk with the mother. If she is opposed to spanking the child, you both need to decide on another effective form of discipline. Letting the kid get away with that kind of behavior isn't doing him any favors: he'll grow up to be a jerk.

Edit: and screaming and yelling isn't the answer either. The previous poster is right about the fact that the child is dealing with a lot by having you there. but if you love this woman and her child, you need to do right by him. Talk to mom and see if you can agree on acceptable punishments for bad behavior.

Answer 4

Good old fashion spanking or time out because spanking sometimes doesn't work on certain children just like time out sometimes does not. She has to find what works You need to let the mother know that a bad mother is one that does not discipline her child. Even the bible say "that a child let on the lose will cause his mother shame." If she does not discipline him then he will more than likely end up a vandal, a person that no one can stand to have around, or on death row someday.

Answer 5

Well, if that was me, I would have picked up the clothes, put them back on the rack and taken my boy quickly out of the store. From there, we would have gone home, and he would have received a time-out. Afterwards, he would have a talk about respect and appropriate behavior, and an apology would be expected. The boy is crying out for discipline, and he is not getting it; therefore, the bad behavior will continue to get worse and become a problem not only for the mother, but for society as well. Children need to know what are the limits and what will happen when they cross the line to feel secure. I feel sorry for that kid.

Answer 6

well you really need to have a sit down with mommy. if she won't spank can you? let her know you can't handle this poor behavior and in public that it's embarrassing. it's time to take control of your house. if this kid won't eat what you've put in front of him for dinner, fine don't eat. but that means no snacks, no dessert and nothing but water! (remember milk and juice can fill a kid up as well as food) i know it sounds harsh but if he's hungry he'll eat. and soon enough he'll learn it isn't a fast order kitchen it is a family dinner. and if he wants to cry and throw fits, let him stand in the corner facing the wall. that way he isn't sent to his room where he can just sit and play. he has to stand in the corner and be bored. and if he tries to walk out put him right back there. it is tough but you really need to stand your ground. and try not to raise your voice. when they know that they are getting that last nerve they'll keep doing whatever it is. and the more frustrated you are and you show it the worse the situation. try to keep your cool and use a firm and even tone. good luck!

Answer 7

well, i dont think spanking is right, but you need to stand up to the kid. first off, stop giving him everything he wants. if he wont eat what you make, too bad. its that or nothing. i was forced to sit at the dinner table for hours by myself until i finally ate or went hungry. if he's screaming and crying if you try to discipline, time out. leave him in his room to scream it out. if this is an older child behaving like this, maybe a little bootcamp wouldnt hurt

Answer 8

I think you need to speak with his mother. While you may be frustrated by this child, his mother is raising him to be exactly the way he is. He has NO ONE telling him otherwise.

So, your wife needs to step up and lay down the law. She is his mother, there to make sure he growns up to be a responsible adult. but it sounds like she wants him to be her friend...unfortunatly, he doesn't respect her AT ALL and won't until she grows a flipping spine and stops abusing her child by giving him HUGELY false expectations of the world. ONLY his mother will put up with his BS and he's gonna get hurt if he treats people like he treats her.

So, go to your wife and have a serious talk with her, because her parenting or lack there of is going to affect your marriage very shortly.

Answer 9

sadly if the mom is divorce she is trying to not be the "bad parent" as you said.. however in fact she is being a TERRIBLE parent - raising a kid that will not be able to cope with real life.. kids NEED to learn what "NO" means or when they hear it as a teenager or adult it will be HELL....
how old is the kid???
if he wants his own food - he can make it himself... honestly
have the mom read some of the posts here - I am sure she means well but isnt doing this boy ANY favors and you alone cannot help her

my sister works for social services she gets a TON of kids who were raised like this when young.. and now are teens and mom is saying "HELP ME" when infact if they had been tougher parents when the kids were younger - there wouldnt be a problem...

so my 2 suggestions are - 1) make him get his own food if he isnt eating what everyone is
2) have the mom read the posts here

you are being a good step parent by carring for the child - I hope she sees and understands you posted here because you love her and her son and want him to have a good future....
good luck - thanks for carring - lots dont and we have alot of angry young men because of it... (and slutty young girls too)

Answer 10

You should talk to his mom and come up with discipline rules and stick to them. My daughter is the same way! Everyday is a battle. My husband is her step father as well.
What we do is take away things, such as tv, friends for the day or next day, toys and make her earn them back, and anything that is important to her, oh and treats, such as ice cream etc...
We also do time outs. She gets one warning for her behavior and if it doesn't stop, then she gets a time out for 5 mins. cause she is 5. 1 min for every year they are. If she refuses to stay in time out, I hold her there, and time out doesn't start until she is quiet. If she gets up after I have settled her in time out, then it starts all over, and no talking or it will start over again and not start until she is quiet. When you start new discipline you have to stick to it and stay patient, after a while they will know what happens if they act a certain way. Be careful with disciplining him for his emotions, verses just being plain nasty. I mean he will cry if you yell and scream, you scare him. He has emotions. If he crys when you are calm, but firm and disciplining, then he just wants to put on an act or is upset because he isn't getting away with what he is doing, then you can put him in timeout for that. Keep patient with whatever new rules you make and stick to them. Try not to yell and stay calm, but firm! You don't want him to fear you to listen. You want him to respect you to listen.