When is putting up with my husbands daughter enough?

Question

I put up a chore list that rotates the bathroom and kitchen every two weeks. between the 2 teenage girls. My husbands daughter never does her chore and leaves the home for 2 weeks at a time. When she comes home, she does her laundry and leaves out again. She has her own room here at our home and does not have to do anything to participate in the house hold. my daughter and I do all the cleaning like we are the maids. My husband does nothing to change this.

Answer 1

There is nothing yo can do, shes not your daughter, and probably resents you. Either get a new man or roll of your sleaves and start claening.

Answer 2

First, she is a teenager! You need to think back long ago...when you were a teen... most teens don't think about things like chores unless it is force on...admit it. Second, you should have an adult talk with her (no anger)...sometimes when you show the other person respect and tenderness first, it would ease the tension. Third and the most important, do not resent her being your "husband's daughter", I think you need to think of her as your step-daughter. I am sure you knew about her when you married your husband, so accept the whole package! Besides, you gain a daughter while she might feel she lost her father to a new family...please have more compassion...she is still young...time and open heart will show her the right way with loving help from you and your family. You are a mom, just think if your daughter was in her situation.....how would you like this handle?

*Tip* a daughter will be forever blood bond....but a wife....there can be many...so, if you want a long lasting loving relationship with your husband...don't make him resent you by making him feel more guilt towards his daughter.

Answer 3

Well if you can stand it go on strike. Don't do anything until he makes her help out if you want her help that bad.
But the problem is you said she comes in to do her laundry & leaves. She must not be their much so why should she help clean up after you guys if she isn't their.
You don't say how old she is, or if she lives on her own or her mother or if she even eats their. Make her supply her own laundry soap if that is all she uses.
You have to decide if it is worth the fight.
I wouldn't pick that battle. I would fight over something more inportant like drugs or drinking, ect...
10 years from now who will really care you or her?
You must pick and choose what is real important to you and why. Then lay down the law no ifs, ands or buts about it.

Answer 4

I hate to say this but it sounds as if you are the one with the problem here. Almost as if you have some bitterness towards his daughter's freedom. I don't know the entire situation, but it does sound like the daughter doesn't live there. And if that is the case, she can't be expected to do chores....she didn't make the mess. If you are tired of doing all the cleaning, turn towards the hubby for help. Explain to him that everyone needs to do their fair share. Unless of course you wish to continue being the maid.

Answer 5

From what it sounds like, she is only there every couple of weeks and isn't there long enough to create any messes. Why should she have to clean up other people's messes if she doesn't even live there? If she's there a lot more often than every couple of weeks, then yeah, I can see why you're upset. Tell her if she doesn't clean, then she won't be able to do her laundry at home anymore. Your husband needs to do some cleaning too. He lives there full time, yet he's not helping. Hand him a broom and tell him to clean.

Answer 6

Then it is time for you and your daughter to go on strike, especially when his daughter is there.
You need to let them know this is not fair to you & mostly your daughter. You simply just stop doing the chores & when the complaing starts, then you explain that this is the only way to make things fair for everyone. Your stepdaughter may not care/notice, but I'm sure your hubby will. If you let this coninue, your just breeding resentment between you daughters, & you and your step & hubby. Put an end to it, & I know it's hard, but stick to not doing any chores and see what happens.

Answer 7

You need to sit down with your husband and talk about this immediately. Why should you and your daughter do all the cleaning? Explain to him that his daughter needs to do some of the cleaning or whenever she is at your home she should be punished and not allowed to go anywhere. I hope your situation gets better. Hang in there.

Answer 8

She is amazingly lovable! i won't be in a position to tell from the hat if her bangs are too short and uneven or if a number of them form of have been given caught decrease than the hat yet that's the only ingredient that could make her look form of humorous for a pageant. Frankly, lots of the child's pageants are a waste of time. particular there is the flexibility of scholarship money yet by ability of the time you get to the huge money contests you have spent plenty on get entry to expenses, holiday, and dresses you could have put in an account for college already and had it drawing activity for all that element -- it does not plenty rely. Now in case you will get the garments for much less on eBay and do her hair and makeup your self which will save you a kit -- additionally in case you save on with pageants closer to homestead. It additionally relies upon on the way you sense approximately heavy makeup on little ladies. the certainty is for the significant pageants the prevailing ladies tend to nevertheless have heavy JonBenet makeup on point no rely how plenty the sponsors say they are going for the organic look. So...your daughter is amazingly lovable yet in a solid way might not be pageant textile.

Answer 9

How old is she?
Where does she go when she's not staying with you?

She doesn't sound like she's part of your family. Sounds more like a visitor that needs a place to stay periodically. Temporary visitors usually don't do chores. And if she's rarely there, maybe it's unfair to expect her to

You sound like you resent her being there. She probably knows that and it makes her feel unwelcome.

If you could do more to make her feel like your place is her home, it might be easier to get her to pitch it around the house.

Answer 10

Instead of telling her what she has to do, have you ever tried to sit down with her and ask her what she thinks is a fair solution? If she doesn't stay there, there is a reason. Are you making her feel unwanted mom?

It's normal for a step-parent to want to cut off anything that has to do with the first marriage and that includes kids. But that really is a big mistake. It's not the child's fault that their parent's divorced, so why punish them? That's what you do when your actions say you are unwanted and unloved. Your actions today play a huge role in that child's outlook on life. If you believe in God, do you want to have to answer for that...?

Sit down with her and talk.

Answer 11

Why keeping trying to change it and keep yourself upset over it?I'm sure you saw this characteristic in him before you married him?Not downing you..,but alot of men are that way with their children grown or not.You need to sit his butt down and say look these are the rules that everyone goes by and let him know that its affecting your marriage.And if nothing happens..,then he has no respect for you or your feelings..,if he doesnt even talk to her..,then I would look for another place to go..,,because he doesnt care because this is more about something else and not his daughter.