How long is a good gap in between having children?

Question

I want my kids to have good relationships with each other. Currently I have one toddler and one of almost five. If I have anymore should I leave it longer?

Answer 1

I heard once that 3 years apart is ideal. At 3, the older child can understand what's going on and actually have some appreciation of a younger sibling. It's also easier on the parent as most kids are off bottles, potty trained, and on a schedule by this age. 2 kids in diapers on 2 different schedules could be a lot to handle. When they are in school, you don't have to be concerned that your kids will have the same teacher back to back. So often, teachers will judge kids based on older siblings they've taught.

If you go much longer than 3 years, the age gap might be difficult to bridge, and the kids won't be very close. The older child will always see the younger one as a baby.

Of course, these are just very general ideas that some people have found to be valid. Every individual, and every family is different. You should really do what feels right to you. If you look at the way things are and decide that you can handle adding an infant to the mix, then go for it. But if you're completely worn out at the end of the day and feel like you don't have time for yourself, you might want to give it another year before you start trying.

Answer 2

I have a toddler and am pregnant with my second one so there will be a two year gap. Friends with children a similar age apart seem to have children who are good friends so I am hoping that this is true as it will be worth the stress of two under fives. I would like a third and was thinking an 18 month to 2 year gap would be good again. I think it is a very personal choice as it is you that has to deal with two babies together, but my personal opinion is that a small gap is better than a big gap.

Answer 3

I have two sisters. Am 21 mo's older than the one and 7 years older than the second. I've always fought with the one closest to me and been on good terms with the youngest. May be coincidence. One closest to me always seemed (seems?) to be in competition with me.

In my teen years I babysat for a family that had two boys 4 years apart. When the new baby came the older boy was excited and could be a true "helper". He was old enough and past his own "babyhood" to not feel threatened by the new arrival. This has left me thinking that 4 years is a VERY good split between children.

(plus has the advantage that when college years come you only have one in at a time.)

(Also - each kid is only one in their level of school - ie: middle or high school.)

Answer 4

We have a 4, a 2 and a 2 month old baby. The two older ones play together fine and we are hoping the third will fit in when he gets older. Any bigger gap than two years between them would leave a big difference between the oldest and youngest and would make them less likely to get along (IMO).

Answer 5

My children are exactly 4 and a half years apart and I feel this is a great gap! The elder one helps out alot with the baby and really understands what its all about. There is absolutely no jealousy as she is old enough to understand the baby is ONLY A BABY! Which might be a bit harder to explain to a smaller child. My cousin had her babies 1 year apart and she is really battling with jealously etc. At the end of the day just do what feels right to you!!!!!

Answer 6

Twins or triplets is the best option, you get all the same things all together, I have one of nine and one of four. Five years is too big an age gap especially when they are different sexes. If you feel broody have one now, you might wait and the time won't be right then, or you do go ahead in four years and think that was too big a gap.

Answer 7

I think that the ideal gap is 3 years. The different is not so big, but is enough to get the old one independent enough. I have an almost 4 years old son and one baby of 6 months. I'll have another baby, hopefully, in a couple of years.

Answer 8

hi let me give you some advice you are doing fine in the baby gaps. I have 3 all under 5
4,3,18 month old, this is a handful they fight but they do play with each other and look out for each other trust me even at this young age they look after each other. I would reccommend a bigger gap then my children.

Answer 9

There is 2 years between my brother and me, and 4 years between my sister and me, I didn't get on with either (until we became adults) but my brother and sister who had a 6 year age gap were best friends. So i think it really depends on the children!

But i'm sticking with an only child! :-D

Answer 10

If you really want another child now is a good time to get pregnant. They will all be fairly close in age, and your oldest one will still be close enough in age to the youngest to have a relationship with when they get older. Not to mention he'll be somewhat helpful with the younger ones now which is nice. You don't want to have them too far apart otherwise the youngest and oldest won't have much in common. AND the youngest will annoy the oldest when they are wanting privacy or to hang out w/ their friends w/o them. I know.... this happened w/ me growing up. My sister had to be with me all the time and my mom would make me take her with me everywhere. I hated it. So don't do this. Occasionally is fine. But don't make it every time.