I have a 5-year-old little boy who has Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning Austism) and it is breaking my heart to have to send him to school every morning. He asks me to stay home EVERY DAY just before he takes the bus, with his eyes watered with tears. I HAVE to make him go because, as you know, kids need to go to school at this age. He used to go for only a couple of hours (at pre-school) and now he stays there the whole day. I didn't want that to happen, I didn't want him to stay in school the entire day, but his teachers, psychologist, social worker, etc., ALL said it is very important to do that. He is in a special classroom with fewer kids and a teacher and a teacher's aid. I don't know what else to do to make it better for my son. I talk to him all the time and explain why he needs to stay in school. But he is clearly having a hard time understanding WHY mommy makes him suffer like this. Because he is really suffering. He absolutely HATES kindergarten! Can anyone help me?
2006-09-12 01:56:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Okay, honestly, there are very VERY few children who enjoy school. VERY FEW. its more common to have to work through tears and beging every morning with any child, than for them to just skip off merrily to school. So dont use his Autism as a reason to feel he's suffering more than any other child, he'll pick up on that and think he's some how different or deserves something special in life because of his condition. And thats not fair to him at all.
He's in an environment that is designed to reach him just where he is, its designed to be less stressful than regular school, and to help him learn how to break through the confines of autism, treating him like he's some how suffering only confirms to him that he's in as hopeless miserable situation as he imagines.
Unless you want him to grow up in the shadow of his peers and on the fringes of society you'll learn how to encourage him to enjoy interacting with people, and how he is designed to fit into a social group.
No child likes to do something new, or something difficult, but every child must, and each to the level of difficulty they are able to process. he's been placed in a school and class designed to stimulate him, but not overwhelm him completely.
Dont project your own feelings of guilt and insecurity into him by acting like every morning is truely a horrible experience, or by some how expressing to him that you wish he could just stay home with mommy all day. he needs you to be his support in life, he has just as much right, and requirement, for an education as any other child out there.
There are pleanty of successful people out there with all levels of autism. be he wont break through the confines of his condition without the stimulation he gets from school.
Be what he needs, because thats what you're job is as a parent. not what he wants, and not what you want. THat child needs to be confident and be educated, and you need to be his support and strength. he doesnt get that from you feeling guitly and sad that he's miserable.
Encourage him, build him up, and be the consistancy he needs every day to occomplish school.
You'll both be just fine. You're a good mom, everyone gets frustraited and overwhelmed at times. Especially moms of children with special needs. Pull yourself up and run back into the game again.
2006-09-12 02:09:40 · answer #1 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay i had to go google what Asperger's Syndrome was :P lol but anyways, I think it is very important to have him go to school but maybe try half days again but with the other half you homeschooling him?? Tell him how much you loved going to school when you were a little kid (even if you dont remember it) tell him its fun and you get to meet new people also some schools will let you stay with your child for awhile if not why not pay him a visit at lunch time? I hoped this helped if not dont get mad at me im only 16 :P..also i forgot to mention about work..if you are a single mom and have to work it may be a little more difficult. ask your boss for an extended lunch break every few days so that you can spend lunch with your child.
2006-09-12 09:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by ABC123 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What have his teachers and aids had to say since school started?
Is he just upset when you put him on the bus? Or does the problem continue once he gets to school?
Would you taking him to school and picking him up help any?
What does he LIKE (if anything) about school? Can you play up the things that he likes?
EDITED TO ADD:
My friend's son is older but also has Asperger's. One thing that she has done with him in the past is to start the school year off with shorter days. Would they let you send him half day for right now, slowly working up to having him there full day? Keep him there until before lunch for a while. Once he is coping better, let him stay for lunch and recess with his friends. Then once he is coping well with that, let him stay longer into the afternoon. Then eventually all day. This has worked really well for her son.
Another thing that might help....a discreet transition object. I know some AS kids can have problems with transitions. What about a "worry stone" that he could carry in his pocket each day?
AND have you read the book "The Kissing Hand" with him? Read that book and then give him a "kissing hand" in the palm of his hand each day before he leaves for school. If he eats lunch from home, pack a note in his lunchbox too.
2006-09-12 09:04:17 · answer #3 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
go have lunch with him once or twice a week. Make something special for him for lunch and take it. I know this is very hard for you and him, my heart breaks for you. He needs structure and routine, at this time this is changing his whole world. Be consistence with your talks saying the same thing. Compare his school to you or your husband job, explaining that you all have a job and this is his job to learn all kinds of different and exciting things. On Friday after he has had a good week, make a routine outing with him, even if it is only going to get an ice cream cone after school. Reward his efforts. God bless you and your little boy.
2006-09-12 09:35:51 · answer #4 · answered by shortansassy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had 3 children and all 3 did the same thing when they started school. It sure wrenches your heart to see your baby cry, I know. You need to take him to school yourself, the bus ride is scary enough, which may be the main problem. It is YOUR choice to send him to school at this age, alot of children don't start this young, they wait another year. YOU know your child better than anyone,,,those other people are not emotionally attached to your child. I suggest you ask him WHY he doesn't want to go with specifics and listen to his answer. There may be something scaring him there, find out. Maybe another year of preschool for him is in order, according to his maturity level,,,I had to do that with my daughter. YOU make the decision for him, one that both of you can live with! Good Luck!
2006-09-12 09:05:51 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can go into his school a few times as a sort of classroom volunteer- i.e. you do storytime once a week. Maybe the adjustment will be a bit easier if he knows he'll see a familiar face. Also, rather than talking to him about why he NEEDS to go to school, maybe you can start talking about why it's FUN to go to school. Find out ahead of time what the agenda is for the coming week, and get him excited about it- talk it up or do related activities at home to get him prepared.
2006-09-12 09:07:54 · answer #6 · answered by Krista D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he hating it because of people at school or is it seperation anxiety? If he is missing you go to the school and surprise him once a week and have luch with him. If it is beccause of the people then ask him on a daily basis how school was and help him understand other people. Also talk to the teachers and ask them to check on him daily ya dont want him to be depressed or feeling blue that would make him hate school forever.
2006-09-12 09:04:18 · answer #7 · answered by ru2tipsy2c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my son doesn't have asperger's syndrome but he did the same thing about going to school so i went to the consuler at the school and she met with him for a week at different times during the day so he felt he had another safe person besides me to talk with and now he is ready for school before me so talk to his teacher maybe he needs more special time with hm/her to adapt. if not i would pull him from full day your the mother tell the school you feel he isn't ready for all day and next year he could do all day. can't expect a kid to go from 2hrs to 6....
2006-09-12 16:39:53 · answer #8 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOW TOUGH, while I know its not the same, my oldest daughter has ADD, and she for the longest time hated school too, once she was diagnosed and given the help she needed to succeed in school, she was able to see school in a different light, but I remember the arguments in the morning to get her on that bus. She is now in the 4th grade, and is doing much better, she may tell us she doesn't like school, but you can see the twinkle in her eye, she likes it now. Stick to your guns, and be there to love him. Let him know you are proud of him for being brave, that may help him realize you love him.
2006-09-12 09:21:37 · answer #9 · answered by cyunos 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell your son that sending ur son to school is not suffering tell him that school is a places of learning how to do alot of stuff like math and science and learning letters in your case cause he is in kindergarden education is a place for you to learn ur basic skills and skills that you would need in life if he says he is suffering tell him that he will become a hobo caus education is not suffering its called fun i love to go to school everday even tho its a little stressfull to me caus im in highschool lol tell him what i said then he might want to go
2006-09-12 19:13:01 · answer #10 · answered by hockey pro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋