I have a 15yo son. He is not an angel but he is not bad by any means. I remarried 2 years ago. My husband loves my son but they really don't have a great relationship. They have had their disagreements as anybody does. My son has chores. He does the dishes every night, takes out the trash, cleans his room, feeds the animals, and cuts the grass when needed. He does have a smart "I don't care" additude most of the time. (what 15yo doesn't??) Here's the problem... The other night my son was folding clothes for me. He folded some towels and they weren't folded "right". So my husband went over and told hiom to fold it right. Of course he said it was right. My husband went off and yelled, cussed and shoved him with both hands in his chest. (My son is as tall as my husband).. I got between them and stopped any further crap from happening.. He talked to "the guys" at work and none of them think this was out of line.. What do you think??
SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE....
2006-09-12 00:52:49 · 37 answers · asked by kdbnsc 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
in response to pws8us's answer... after reading your questions that you have asked I understand why you don't like 15 year old boys. My son is not a punk and he will not be treated as such...
2006-09-12 05:17:53 · update #1
My son is 15 also and I understand totally how your son is. AND you are completely right, he is very normal. AND it doesn't seem like he is disrespectful to you or to your husband.
So, that being said, I think your husband overreacted. And by talking to the "guys" at work, I would say most are not dealing with a step son but a real son and it is slightly different.
I really think you should ask your husband what he feels the problem is between your son and himself. Point out that your son helps around the house, isn't into drugs or gangs, generally doesn't talk back (be sure you observe exactly HOW your son speaks to your husband) and is respectful.
I also think it would be beneficial for them to have some time together to get to work out their difficulties. I know in my family, every Sunday, my son and husband play basketball, and believe me, it is a power struggle...they are fighting for the alpha male thing. I think you have two alpha males and they are trying to sort things out.
2006-09-12 01:10:27 · answer #1 · answered by sewshawn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your new husband may tell you that he really loves your son, but I don't think so. He is looking on him as more of a rival for your time and affection than a son. This is probably because he has only known your son as a smart-mouthed teenager. He didn't get to see the kid as a "vulnerable" child.
The fact that your son does these chores at all, makes him an exception to the norm. Most kids would be finding excuses not to do any of these chores you have loaded him down with. Be thankful he's not rebelling against you Mom! You said his chores were to...
do the dishes every night
take out the trash
clean his room
feed the animals
cut the grass when needed...and you tell us he also
folds clothes for you
These are all chores (except for cleaning his room and feeding the animals) that most women are getting their HUSBANDS to do. Why are these things your son's jobs? What does your husband do to contribute an equal share in the household? (Since I assume that both you and your husband work?). If you are cooking and washing the laundry, and the kid is doing everything else, then I think you need to get your husband's fat @ss off his TV chair and get him his OWN chores. And since he seems to be so annal about the folding of the laundry, I'd start with that one.
Stop treating your son as your slave. Yes, he needs to have chores to teach him responsibility. He doesn't need to be doing the MAN'S role in the house, when there is already a man there. Your son and your husband just might get along better if they are treated equally (in this at least).
2006-09-12 01:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is very much out of line. It appears that your husband has not grown up yet and has chosen to forget when he was a teen. This is common with many parents. If you are the one that takes care of the house work then it is your job to teach the boy those things and he should stay out of it. If he does the house chores then he should take the time to teach not bully. Step fathers many times feel they need to show their authority much too strongly. I do not know just what to tell you to solve this problem. I do know if it continues the boy will rebel and cause your husband a lot of problems. Don't blame the boy either. Do not take sides but go after both of them and do it so they both know you are not just picking on them alone. Being a teen is very difficult at best. A father or step father that does not have patience makes it so much more difficult. Good luck.
2006-09-12 02:13:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hes 15!!!! He doesnt need a new daddy to tell him what to do, you obviously taught him well..as for the step-dad laying his hands on a 15 yr old and cussing?!..you get what you put in and people get what they deserve..is your husband a drill sarg? Give the kid a break just because YOU love your new husband doesnt mean your son has too..People at his work arent 15 how can they relate from your sons point of view? I also have a 15 yr old son and he has a step dad..theres NO FREAKIN way I'd allow him to put a hand on my son or talk to him in anyway that even I wouldnt accept to be talked to. Theres surely other underlying problems here..sit your son down and listen they will talk to you.
2006-09-12 01:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son is a little 15 year old smart punk like any other 15 year old. If he mouths off to your husband then he needs something done to him. He is 15 years old and should not have to be told how to fold the stuff right. Your husband should be treated with respect and your son is not showing it because your husband isn't his father. You need to stand behind your husband and teach your son that your husband is the head of the house and what he says shouldn't be mouthed back to!
2006-09-12 04:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by pws8us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was it folded right or not? If not and your son mouthed off then your son is in the wrong.
Simple solution here. Tell your husband to address those things through you and not directly with your son. Establish clearly with your husband and son what rules and discipline your husband will be able to hand down and make it very clear to your son that he will listen in those situations and that you will be backing your husband up.
2006-09-12 05:47:49 · answer #6 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its pretty obvious your husband finds your son, who is incidentally his step-son , a pain in the neck. You have to resolve this matter fast before things get out of hand. You have to tell your husband that he is not to treat your son in that manner. Not all 15 year old will be that obedient as to do the chores he's doing now. He is at an age where he's neither here nor there, so as his mother you have to guide him. Try to better the relationship between the two guys in your life.
2006-09-12 01:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by misty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well as a father (step or otherwise) that was a bit harsh. I can understand a man verbally reprimanding his son but I dont think hands need to be used. U need to sort this problem out, nip whatever underlying tension there is now. A 15 year boy can and eventually will shove back and thats when the mess gets out of hand. I helped my dad raise my kid brother after my mom passed away, he was 12, I used to get very angry with him but there came an age when my dad warned me that the boy was too old for this kind of scolding and due respect should be given or kids turn further away. Thank god I listened to him, today my brother is 22, I am 31 and we are best of friends.
2006-09-12 01:18:07 · answer #8 · answered by noogney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband seems to have a handle on the situation. You should follow the example. It is not a choice to be gay. If it were do you really believe that people would make that choice and go through all of the BS. Basically, it comes down to a choice for you. You can accept and love your son, or you will drive him away. It would appear that your husband has all ready made a choice and is not forcing you to see it his way. Therefore, give his way a chance, you will be a lot happier.
2016-03-26 21:38:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should have never gotten that far. If your son is folding towels, then your husband should keep his hands off. It's none of your husband's business how the towels are folded. If I were in your son's shoes, I would have done what needed to be done. Keep in mind that your son only had 3 years under that roof, then he can leave you in his dust. You better figure something out before he leaves you, never to return all because of your new husband.
2006-09-12 01:02:21 · answer #10 · answered by Shyguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋