Please tell me if this is being selfish or WRONG to feel and do?

Question

I feel Im going to stay with my "Fiance" (jerk) in OUR APARTMENT with OUR 2yr old son only until Im more secure to move out and still be able to support myself AND our son ON MY OWN. It may take awhile but I don't see this so called "RELATIONSHIP" going much further HAPPILY! Im so sick of his CRAP. He thinks I accuse him, He thinks Im always PIST OFF...no, Im just quiet, Im very content unless he ACCUSES me of "reading into SH!T" Im not, I show him trust but he just digs a bigger hole while I feel Im almost to the top and OUT OF IT!
Would this be wrong to stay, for the health and mental and emotional well being of our 2 yr old? I only want to do what's best for our little one and of course I will be next in line. I have no family near, no friends...or at least none to bunk with. Im 26 female and full time stay home mom. What do you think? I may add details later if I feel it's needed. Please tell me what you think. I hope I left enough details for all you to answer. If not, let me no

We have been living together for 3 years. Almost 4.

We have never split up!

well, since Im his "fiance", I have obviously considered making a life long commitment to him through thick and thin but Im more worried about our son. He deserves happiness and a successful parent showing him love and comfort and protection. I often thought that if my man can't show protection IN FRONT OF OUR SON, then what's it to believe that he can't GIVE protection for our lives. Im not relying on him to support me, I was told that if I want to be a stay home mom FULL TIME, then I need to LET my man support me. It was hard at first because I have always been the independant type. Now I have a child to think about and I will be independant and supportive for him, I just don't know if I would be doing the right thing by leaving since we haven't ever broke up. Somehow, we always work things out! Also, once and IF I do make a vow then that includes HIM TOO to be happy. I do

I don't have to ONLY work hard to make me and my (our) son happy, it would include my "fiance" too!

Answer 1

I would stay with him and get married.
He obviously has emotional issues and baggage and insecurities to deal with, but when you slept with him, moved in with him, had a child with him, and then promised to marry him, that right there was making your choice to stay with him.
For the health and security of your child, he will NEED to stay with his dad, even if he is a bit of a jerk.
My husband can be, too, sometimes. But we all have our problems. His don't seem too grave or anything really serious at all.
He just has issues that need to be worked through, and maybe your patience, compassion, increase of love to him and service for him will help not only you but him as well.

I highly suggest reading "The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husband's". It's easy and light reading and extremely helpful in many many ways!!! You will have your man eating out of the palm of your hand in no time if you follow what she says to do in her book! I promise!! I used it myself!!

Don't give up on him just yet. I'm sure it would be more devasting and hard and painful to break apart than to stay together and stick it out.
Imagine if the tables were turned and you were thinking things of him like this (and you felt you had good reason to, of course) and then all of a sudden he up and walks away with your kid?? It would just KILL YOU.

Anyway, work with him. You can work this out. Imagine, if you can work this out, you'll be able to tackle just about anything else that could be thrown at you later in life!

Good luck!!
And I give you MAJOR PROPS for being a SAHM!! I am too! It's the best thing you can do for your kids (besides love their other parent) ;)

Answer 2

Being married is a huge commitment, let alone living together. If living together makes you miserable, then marriage is not the answer. You need to get out on your own, if you can, and have him prove his worth and love. If he truly wants to be a part of your life he will do what he needs to correct his mistakes. Finding out now is easier than after marriage. There are help centers to give you a hand in trying to stabilize your life, and in the meantime he can think about what he is willing to give up. This was close to the same scenario with my daughter after she was married. She said enough is enough and we moved her back home. Her husband realized very quickly that he made a mistake, and our daughter gave him a few months to prove he loved her and would make the necessary changes. That was over four years ago and her couldn't treat her any better than he does now. They have been through some very tough and trying times with other things, but he shows his love and respect for her daily. You deserve the same, so don't sell yourself short. Put yourself in the situation you want to be in. Good luck.

Answer 3

Dear Sis

It is time to be independent

I don’t say to separate from

First think about some income to support you
Then it gradually will help you to have a voice in your family of three.

This is the first step to stability

But try not to hurt his feelings when you force your presence and partnership in family matters.

Once when you feel the equality with him, partly or sometimes fully leave the little one in his responsibility. Give him a chance to love his junior by knowing the difficulty in bringing him up.

This understanding can give you more respect from him if he understands everything in the proper way.

Gradually you have to grow his faith in you and your faith in him. It is possible only with Patience, understanding and Love.

It is said that among the years a couples spend together the 3rd and 4th years are the most difficult. Because here is the time when reality and practicality come to play in the life of couples and the mutual attraction due to sexual desire is exhausted and you are living together only because you have a child or you think you ought to be. If the couples could develop a better understanding and accommodation of each other in theses years means they will never break. A very happy living.

Take care
http://www.dataconmng.com

Answer 4

I know that you think staying is the best thing for your son, but its really not. Children can tell when things aren't right in the home just as easily as anyone else can and if you are going o leave you need to do it soon while your son is still young enough to make the adjustment. You're only hurting your son and making yourself miserable by staying in a situation that doesnt make you happy.
And as for the job, since you are a stay at home mom, maybe you should try getting a job at a daycare, that way you can do something you are used to doing and you can still be around your child. Good luck girl.

Answer 5

If all you two do is argue and fight then that really isn't the best environment to raise a child. My brother was in the same prediciment with his wife and 3 year old son. My nephew was always miserable because he always heard his parents arguing.
Eventually they separated and my nephew has been living full time with my brother since he was 5. He is so much happier, he actually goes around the house singing and he is doing wonderfully at school.

Your son deserves a loving, fun environment to grow up in. If you continue in this relationship then you are setting a bad example for your child and he will have a horrible idea of how a relationship should be. I know it will be hard to leave your "fiancé" but you can get over it. My brother was with his wife for 11 years when they divorced so it can be done.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I am currently in a similiar situation. Only, I married the idiot (he's great to the kids, but he has serious money-handling issues that I just can't take anymore). We haven't broken up, either, but I decided last year to go back to school and find a job. I opened up a secret account and started putting money into it. That way, I will have enough to move out and support my kids when I finally get up and out of here. The waiting is the hardest part and some days, I want to just take what I have and get out NOW. But, I know that it's better in the long run to wait. The best I can say is start taking action now because it's harder later on (I was a housewife for 8 years!).

Answer 7

I have been in the same predicament in my marriage, separated now. No it is not wrong. Do what you have to do to be able to support yourself. When your ready to break off do so in the best way possible for your child. I sent my daughter to the beach with his family during the messyness of the separation. Children can adjust really well to new situations like a separation. Especially if the home status is poor anyway. I guarentee he feels the tension. It will be better for both of you when you are able to support yourself. Good luck swetie!

Answer 8

Well, as much as you want to do what's best for your child, how beneficial can a home and situation like that (where Dad is accusing Mom..and they are fighting and whatnot)?? I mean, you have to think how he is going to feel seeing the two most important people in his life treat each other like this. He needs to have a secure attachment to both of you. And if he can't have that because you guys are fighting, then it is best that you guys separate and see him at different times. That way he still gets to see both of you, but doesn't have to be exposed to yelling and such at a young age.

Answer 9

i think of which you should income to stability your life. it is hassle-free to be energetic, paintings and be there on your spouse. have you ever tried chatting consisting of your spouse approximately picking an afternoon in the process the week to circulate and do your element? If the newborn is 3 months previous now, why cant you get your spouse energetic and out strolling at an identical time as you jog beside her and the newborn. I firmly have faith that there is not any such be conscious as "can no longer" - purely "wont". you seem as though an outstanding guy and you're blessed to have certainly one of those magnificent spouse. i individually think of that in case you sat down and talked along with her, she could be cool and prefer to paintings with you to get your self back on the right song. She appears like she could be a great cheer chief. stable luck~

Answer 10

It seems you will end up splitting. So, the earlier the better (including for your sons best interest). have you considered seeing a family counselor?