If your lover tells you things about her ex, and people that she has kissed and fancied in the past is it bad?

Question

When I tried to tell her the same sort of thing she gets angry and accused me of wanting to leave her. why? this all happened a while ago but I m still confused. can anyone shed some light. I would appreciate female advice.

it wasn't in a he used to do this for me, she hated him. It's the fancy part. She told me about a guy she had a crush on, said he was a bad boy and then said he still is in a very "turned on" sort of voice. It really peed me off still does. just wanted some clarification from people not involved.

Answer 1

If she's comparing you to him/others in a derogatory way then yes, I'd say it is, otherwise thank your lucky stars you have found someone open and honest and not afraid to talk about her life prior to you. As I say, it all depends on the context and in what way she tells you.

Answer 2

Hi there Emperor_juk,

Sounds like she's a little insecure and needs some ressurance from you.

I would do a meal for her, have some quality time together, romantic if you like and ask her. You could say something like if it makes you feel uneasy when she's chatting about her ex and other men, no-one is going to have a clean slate but at the same time you don't want to feel uncomfortable and unsettled either.

Hope it works out grand,

Good Luck,

Answer 3

It's not always a big deal. Some people just like bragging, complaining, or reminiscing about past relationships. Listen, but don't seem overly interested or shocked at anything she says. (some people will tell you about their past relationships just to try to make you a little jealous or concerned). Just listen. Don't even comment on everything you hear because it shouldn't be that important - it's in the past. If it's that good it would have lasted. And if she thinks about him that much - then she should go where she's happiest. Don't allow yourself to be miserable and don't let her "games" worry you.

When she starts to bring up her past or a story that you've heard 20 or 30 times about one of her past relationships, look at her like you're bored: "why are you still talking about this same old crap?" or "you're boring me with this same old story."

And if you give her that look, she'll cut it short. But be forwarned, she may want to talk to someone else about that "same old crap". But... why would you want to be someone who's in love with someone else? That could be the case too.

"You don't have to be a player to live The Player's Lifestyle."

Answer 4

Let me ask you something. How do you feel when she tells you all the stuff about her ex? Is she telling you about them because she's making a comparison? Unless any of her exes is a threat to your relationship, I wouldn't really bother digging on the info about them.

There's this quote that one of my mentors taught me. "A LADY NEVER talks about her past boyfriends in front of her current one."

Don't dwell on the past; live on the present. If she doesn't accept the fact that you have stories to tell about your exes too, tell her to zip her mouth and not bring up things that are insignificant to your relationship.

I don't know how DETAILED her stories are about the stuff she has told you about her exes. But if it's enough detail to have you retaliate and tell her about your exes, then I guess she has, indeed, talked to you that much about them. Depending on how "severe" her ex stories are, if I were in your place, I'd be out there hunting for another lover....a REAL lady.

From the female point of view (and my view personally), I find talking about an ex-bf unnecessary and partly degrading, especially if I'd tell anybody of what I did then.

Answer 5

It's not necessarily a bad thing. What I'd be more concerned about is that the same priviledge isn't extended to you.
My wife and I have always been completely honest with eachother about past experiences and relationships. It's not very nice to go on and on about this stuff as it's not usually enjoyable to listen to, but if a story is relevant there's something wrong if you feel that you need to hide your past.

Answer 6

Perhaps she really did enjoy the past and just can't help sharing. But when the roles are swtiched, things tend to backfire. Girls are more emotional. If you feel uncomfortable hearing all these, maybe you should just tell her and state your reasons. Showing that you mind goes to show she means a lot to you. If my boyfriend doesn't mind me talking about guys esp the ex, only makes me feel I might not be as important.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

I tend to ask my partner about his past because for some strange reason i like to know what they was like in bed, what they looked like, and what they're career was. I'm a jealous person so i like to know all this sometimes to make myself feel better. And my man will always tell me i'm the bet gal he ever had whether its true or not i don't know lol. If just started telling me about his past out of the blue then i can honestly say i would go mad, because its like your still livingin the past and you still think about your exes thats why you've just started talking and thinking about her for no apparent reason. I think you've got some apologising to do and you need to let her know that you love her and only her.

Answer 8

Sound familiar! I used to tell my bf about my exs and when he start telling me abt his, i got angry in fact it was jealousy. I was jealous for that part of his life where i was not included ( obviously coz i didn't met him yet!). I was jealous of his ex and this make me more angry and thought he was comparing me to them!

My telling abt my ex..coz i wanted to share everything with him, my thoughts, how was i before meeting him, what was my thoughts.....

Probably most female does that until they grow up i mean........and the reasons are probably the same!

Answer 9

I think she wants you to feel she can tell you any thing but don't you dare tell her about your ex's that's not fair tell her to lay off and if she wants to think of her ex's tell her to do it when your not around because you are not intersected in hearing about what she did in her past tell her you don't appreciate that and that if she wants to be with you she should respect what you have together

Answer 10

Oh, geez, if the two of you break up then she's going to be discussing YOU with the next guy she sleeps with. Do you really want that?

And why in the world would you want to bring up exes anyway? While it's fine to explain your needs (e.g. "I really like back rubs") you can do it without mentioning the ex (e.g. "Joe used to give me the best backrubs and now I'm spoiled and need them").