i have been deployed for 1yr in Iraq. also i have been married for 8yrs. i love my wife and don't want to hurt her. we have a good marriage. (good meaning no hot flames and sex sux). i have always been a cheater...please don't hold that against me.
my problem is i met one that has stolen my heart and have been with her all year out here. i return home soon and feel so guilty... i know i love my wife...but this one makes me feel at home... she looks, better than my wife, she is smart, and loves me soooooooo much. i have already broke it off with her, but i can't stop thinking about her. i really just wanna hold her feel her touch...help me how do i move on or should i??? it's more than just good sex and a hooter girl...i really have a connection with her...i feel it!!! what do i do...i just have no idea...ii never knew cheating would deal me this...but i wouldn't trade the feelings i found out here for anything...
please no stupid responses ...i really need help
2006-09-11 22:42:06 · 19 answers · asked by MR J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have no children..and this girl is an american...she is a solder too..she is my commander to be honest she is a cpt...
2006-09-11 22:56:07 · update #1
Take it from king cheater, any woman that will sleep with a married man is not a keeper. Hate to break the news to you but she has no respect for herself or for you. Keep hitting it while you are in Iraq, keep her email for future encounters and let the ho go. Don't tell your wife, it will only make matters worse. If you insist on being with her (the fling), file for divorce and be with her, but I can tell you now it wont last, she will deploy again, or you will one, and neither of you will make it without cheating, and even if you don't you will always expect the other person to, and you will tourture yourself with suspicion.
2006-09-11 22:56:36 · answer #1 · answered by panty p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have children? If you do, you might find that it is not worth throwing away your marriage. These girls are looking for a guy like you to get out of that country, when they come home, they turn into your wife. You and your wife have common grounds, so be careful about this girl, she may or may not be on the level. About your cheating, you should discuss this with maybe a counselor, and either chose to discuss this with your wife or not. She will, most likely not forgive you, that is just something women have a hard time with, but I do not know what the rules are about marrying or bringing back this other woman, as you are not even single. I think, if you have not told your wife about cheating, and she does not know, if you want her, you should not tell her ever. This is something you will keep to yourself, and do not do it. Otherwise, just tell her, and let her decide, if you are going to continue, just let her go. You may not can have this Iranian woman anyway, and you need to go home and take care of business. You may wind up cheating on this woman too, just clean up your act before bringing on another one on board. After you clean up your act with your present wife, then if you really want the other one, go back for her. Maybe by then you will know how badly she loves you and wants you, because chances are she will have another by then.
2006-09-11 22:49:58 · answer #2 · answered by shardf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too have tasted the fruit of temptation. It leaves a long aftertaste and it can be very , very bitter!
Theres no point blaming yourself, these things happen. Its why they happen thats important. What has changed to make this occur? Questions should be asked.
I guess you need some quiet time to think about your next move.
Telling the truth as painful as it can be, is always the best move. If you have fallen for this lady then you need to own up to it. However I would look at your situation, you are hardly in a stable place and your needs and feelings are going to be extreme. Take that into account before you make your next move. Don't throw away what you had with you wife. Although hundreds of miles away, theres undenyable history there and you need to make the right decision for everyone involved.
I hope that helps.
Take Care
2006-09-11 22:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all .. being deployed your mind isn't in a good place. Needless to say my husband will tell you that when he was deployed he would create his own little universe in his mind, to get through the days or nights. You are doing just that .. as well you are automatically thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Do the right thing, your wife stood by you during this full year of deployment, she loved you and honored you as well. When you return home .. find ways to spice up your marriage .. There are many ways to do that, it could be adding toys, trying new positions, role playing, buying books, check out the liberator .. needless to say it can get better. As well find ways to communicate with with her. Go seek counseling .. its a service that the military offers you.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-11 22:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, been there done that. I deployed to Korea and ended up leaving my wife. You have to understand that all passion turns to embers but the reason you stay is for the love and the children. Now, besides the passion for this other lady, is there a reason your home life is so cold? That's the question you have to answer. Now, don't be too down on yourself for your fling. War does that. Don't forgive yourself either, you should have had control. But, war and imminent death does make immediate love and gratification seem so important. Make it back home, hug the kids and try to get back into your real world life. Love the things you really need to and remember what's important away from war.
2006-09-11 22:49:53 · answer #5 · answered by Addaski 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you don't want to hurt your wife. Tou say that you are a cheater. Believe it or not you have been hurting you wife all along because you have not been giving you marrage all of your attention. You have been gtatifying your own needs and not thinking of the one that you proclaim to love. You say that the other woman is better looking. Looks aren't everything. Do you wife a favor and let her go to find someone that can give a relationship their all. Also if you want to continue to cheat don't enter into marriage because it is not just a bunch of words when you promise before eveyone that you wil be faithfull.
2006-09-11 23:18:11 · answer #6 · answered by newspapermaker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already broke it off with the mistress and you are planning on going back to your wife, you need to be honest with her. If she still wants you after what you did and part of you thinks it may work than stay with your wife. But if you don't want to be with her anymore theres no sense in leading her on for a year or two down the road so you can just delay the breaking of her heart. You already know what you want and its up to you to make your decision.
2006-09-11 22:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by Charmed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating always seems good at a time but eventually, the sin catches up with you and somebody always gets hurt.
I am glad to hear that you have no children.
You need to make a decision. Your wife or your mistress, and move on. Stop having your cake and eating it too or else you'll see that cake smothered all over your face one day.
2006-09-11 23:18:35 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to be with u r wife who has given her to u and If u say that u have already broke it with her then why do u want to go back to her? if u really want her, u better divorce u r wife and go to her because it seems that u are not going to come back to u r wife again and do not cheat her anymore.it's enough playing with her life.[please keep one thing in u r mind that u r wife is always "yours" she is always for u]
2006-09-11 23:05:37 · answer #9 · answered by m.shahila m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did that girl know that u are married? what if u find some else better than this new catch, are u gonna keep changing them, no one is perfect so i think u shoiuld go home and try to mend ur relationship with ur wife and solve on the issues tht are bothering ur marriege, remember its 8yrs uve invested aganist 1 yr.
2006-09-11 22:49:14 · answer #10 · answered by titties 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋