I am 33yrs old and 3 yrs ago my husband told me that he thinks that by the time I finish my nurse training I will be a grandmother(my oldest is 5yrs old).His idea of being successful is getting rich no matter the cost and retiring by the age of 40.I wanted to do the nurse training to please him but nursing is not what I wanted to do
He has cheated on me in the past and even now with women who were all professionals with degrees,property and loads of money to spend on him.These women are also atrracted to the fact that his business is going quite well.They know he is married but both my husband and they continue with the affair.
I just got fedup of not being able to satisfy his needs the way he wants it ,when he wants it and still not caring about how he has hurt me so I did something I love.My efforts to improve myself for our sake are still not validated
2006-09-11 22:20:58 · 31 answers · asked by JUSEve 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems no matter wot u do u will never b gd enuf 4 him in his eyes. If u want 2 go bk 2 school then do it but do sumthing that ur going 2 enjoy and not 4 the sake of it. U wont b a grandmother by the time u finish, a degree only takes a couple of years. I think that he's saying that 2 put u off from getting a good career becoz he feels that u will bcome more success than he is. And as 4 his affairs... y do u put up with it??? if he loved u and respected u he wud support u and b faithful! i wud seriously consider whether this marriage is worth it. There is no point in staying in a marriage 4 the sake of it. Ur children r young enuf 2 addapt 2 the change that will occur with divorce. Think of it this way, u mite b in love with him BUT r u happy?....
2006-09-11 22:23:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying to please him. He will never be pleased. It's never too late to get your degree and 33 is not old at all. I have a friend who is a 70 year old nurse and she still works about 30 hours a week and hosts a radio show and is involved in other hobbies as well. I'm not sure from your question if you really want to become a nurse or not. It's a great profession if you want to do it but it's not for everyone.
Whatever you decide, just do it for you. This man will never validate or appreciate you. He will continue to hurt you. It's up to you how you deal with him but don't add any weight to his abuse. The way things are going, in a few years you may be grateful to have a career to be able to spend long hours away from him or even leave him entirely.
2006-09-11 22:32:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kuji 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense here but your first mistake was waiting on him to validate your worth. NEVER look to another for that. You're the one responsible for making yourself happy and for validating your existence.
Second, did it ever occur to you that by not allowing you to return to school that he's keeping you under his thumb?
Third, you know about his relationships (affairs) yet you sound resolved to the prospect that he's finding other women (more "educated" women) more attractive. Of course these women are attracted to him... he's flaunting his "success".
Hunny, you're 33... not an old maid! I have a friend who's 34 and just started college for the first time. He's decided he wants to become a cardiac surgeon and we're all supportive of him. So what if you'll be a grandmother by the time you finish your schooling?!? Aren't you worth the investment in yourself?!?
Frankly, if you're not in a physically abusive relationship, it sounds like you're in a mentally abusive relationship. I'm attaching a link you may find interesting. http://www.abusedadultresourcecenter.com/selfassess.htm
Take it from someone who's been in an abusive relationship... there's more to life than waiting for someone to valdiate you. I'm also 33 and currently own a successful medical/legal practice. There is life out there!
2006-09-11 22:36:06 · answer #3 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing! You are being kept down in life, personality and spirit by this selfish man!!! When you have the courage, leave and get a divorce. Don't forget to take 1/2 of what he has as you have EARNT it sweetie! He is one of those men who wants to keep you in your place. He probably can't stand the thought of you succeeding as you would be in competition with him. If he keeps you down psychologically then he feels stronger. Stand up to him and yourself for that matter. Do something for YOU not him...go and learn and as one of the other answers says...you are NEVER to old to learn! There are students in their 80's so what if it takes you a few years to complete...it's not for him it's for yourself that you try to improve in life.
As for the cheating well.......he obviously thinks he has power over you to keep you there and have his cake and eat it!!! Time to put HIM on a diet!! Don't be pushed around by this creep. Get to an advice centre, a free solicitors consultation and any other womens support groups you can and remember that you deserve a happy and fulfilling life.
Take a good long look at your life at the moment with this man, is it what you want, is it fulfilling your needs and dreams. To me you are being treated with mental cruelty. Apart from that...you don't know when he will bring home and into your life some disease that could kill. Look after yourself hon'....be strong and if you need support...contact me!!! I'd be proud or happy to help you out anytime, you are a brave and strong woman to have stuck this out so long!!
(hugs!!)
2006-09-11 22:32:49 · answer #4 · answered by Tania J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello big wake up call here you are not the one with the problem your husband is! You are bending over backwards to please this man and he repays you by putting you down and having affairs what a nasty piece of work sorry I know you may love him but!
He puts you down because of his OWN insecurities and is terrified you will not only get a life but also wake up to the one you have with him.
You are not old and I went into a career at your age and worked my socks off to do it. I picked something that I had always wanted to do and went for it. I did this on my own and bringing up children too.
There are many issues that you need to address from your question but the biggest question you have to ask is: Who are you and do you like yourself because you are letting someone distroy not only you but your confidence and self esteem. Find out who you are, what you want first and formost. If he loves you he should be supporting you and not draining away your confidence and self esteem. Sorry if that hurt but you asked the question and I have answered it as read.
2006-09-12 02:10:21 · answer #5 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everything in your question was about him what he wants how he feels etc,.. first of all he is not supportive on what u want or how u feel not even 50/50 in this relationship sounds like its all about him. Going back to school no your not too old however go back for you and what will make you happy.Remember your the one who will be working that job everyday until you retire do it cause you like doing what you do or you will not be happy ever. As far as your relationship goes your doing your part as being supportive espically when it comes to affairs cause you are still with him and he will continue to have affairs unless you confront him or leave. I know having a child does not make it easy in a suituation like this but it could be worse. You are not getting younger you need to set examples for your child let him know that sometimes well most the time in life you have to work for what you get and sometimes it is not always easy show him mommy can go back to school and share what you have learned that day with him in ways he would understand get that time in with your child he is what is important not your husband and his wants and needs for in the real world that child should come first not him. and for improving yourself do it for you to make you happy and if that jerk keeps having affairs leave it's not you it's him that is not happy and keeps searching. P.S. I would also go to doctor and get checked for anything just to be on the safe side cause you never know what he could of given you from cheating on you cause if those women know he is married and they do it anyway they are not just with him I'm sure they have or still are with others too so just be careful and get checked. Good luck and God bless and don't forget about your little one make him your number one priority not your hubby. your child needs parents and guidance and role models your hubby is a grown man who needs to grow up! big difference.
2006-09-11 22:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound to me as though you have much of a marriage, so you are not being fulfilled in any area of your life.
Ignore what your husband says - he doesn't have your best interests at heart as he clearly doesn't love or respect you, or want what is best for you.
If the nursing is not what you want, don't continue the training. Drop it and do whatever it is that you really want to do. Either take legal advice now about ending your marriage (and feel sorry for those silly women who have affairs with him - they don't respect themselves enough to be with a real man) or else begin to prepare for the day when you will leave him. Consider what your needs will be financially and practically, and get ready.
If you instruct a lawyer, gather up as much paperwork as you can relating to your and your husband's finances, even his bank statements. He would be required to disclose these anyway, and your lawyer will want to see them.
Personally if I were in your shoes I would be straight off to see a lawyer about getting a divorce. Don't worry about doing anything for his sake or for your joint benefit - just consider your needs and your children. And consider as well the harmful effect on your children of staying with a man who demonstrates daily that a wife is not worth his consideration or respect. Your sons will be learning to treat women like that, and worse still, your daughters will be learning to expect men to treat them like that. Is this what you want for your children?
2006-09-11 22:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow hes got you in a right emotional mess hasnt he,he is obviously insecure with thought of you maybe gaining some idependence and maybe having a life away from the home and ultamately away from his total controll he obviously has a total lack of respect for you and is trying everything possible to undermine you as a person slowly but surely killing what self esteme you have left thus having total emotional controll over you the behaviour he is showing would suggest he has the need to constantly bolster his ego with the attentions of women who would seem they could take there pick of the male species he has no respect for himself so he sees nothing wrong with this bullying behaviour so if he doesnt respect himself then he is never going to be anything other than a cheating lying manipulative person who will gain controll of others by gradually stripping them of all self worth you need to give yourself a pat on the back for going back to re-educate youself it takes a lot of courage to go back to school and maybe consider your life without this man i can only see an improvement a unhappy marriage doesnt go un-noticed by children of any age just remember that your worth so much more than this hope things work out for you heres wishing you happiness for the future and dont give up your training
2006-09-15 18:43:33 · answer #8 · answered by evidrats 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, as someone who returned to college in my thirties and got a degree i say go for it. I'm now a development officer on a project to get adults back in to learning and it's great. Learning as an adult is so much easier in some respects, focus and energy easier to achieve. If you want try an access to higher education course at your local college 1st. You'll have no problems with the work and it is fun. College lecturers treat you as an adult and if they're good an equal so no worries.
2006-09-11 22:29:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i was u i would tell him to get stuffed and i think u should do what u want to do, maybe he's worried that if u get ur degree in nursing then maybe u'll go off with a doctor, i don't think anyone wud blame u if u did, u need to do what u want in life , i say go 4 it and enjoy what u do, and also dump ur husband at the first chance u get, and ur only 33 so u won't b old when u qualify, so go 4 it girl
good luck
2006-09-11 22:27:01 · answer #10 · answered by janine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋