He is crippled by shyness and all his excitement about going to Uni in a few weeks has been destroyed because he has been told he needs to go to formal dinners and join in other social activities. How can I help him? Urgent advice needed please.
2006-09-11 21:27:47 · 15 answers · asked by Headcase 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
Before I select my best answer could I just say how much I appreciate the responses so far. I thought I'd get lots of glib remarks. It's going to be tough to pick a "best". He's seeing the doc on Monday (earliest appointment available) and we're currently investigating websites which have been suggested. Fingers crossed now. Thanks to all who've taken an interest.
2006-09-14 20:43:41 · update #1
Thanks a bunch acacia.
2006-09-14 22:41:10 · update #2
Hope you never have to experience the misery he's suffering. Nice one.
2006-09-14 22:42:12 · update #3
I was shy myself so i can sympathise but we both know that this will be the making of him. I am sure that he wont HAVE to go to all of these things but will be expected to participate. I dont think there is anything you can say to him which will make him magically confident but what you can do is reassure him that he will not feel so bad once he has made some friends and gone along to some of these gatherings. Tell him that he wont be the only one feeling like this either, many people are extremely shy but they are good actors who appear confident!! If he wants to beat this (and i am sure he does) he just needs to take a deep breath and dive in, i am sure it will only be difficult in the beginning after all new situations and new people are a shy persons nightmare but shyness doesnt have to be with you for life, i am a good example of that. I always believe that worrying about a situation is far worse than actually doing it, you build up this great horrible thing and its usually not half as bad as you thought it would be. Tel him to prepare himself for a situation before he goes in, e.g if he is self concious about stuff in particular then have a clever answer ready, being prepared will give him confidence. Also have some topics of conversation to bring up ready in case he is left with some people he doesnt know.
If you can get through to your son that it will be difficult at first but next time he visits home he will feel much better, then at least he will give it a go and im sure you know he will be ok. Good luck xx
P.s if he was excited in the first place then its a good sign that he wants to meet people and get out there.
2006-09-11 21:50:02 · answer #1 · answered by ducky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being alone in a house where a thug lives, is scary. So, I'd say that your fear here is rational.... and maybe this situation caused you to develop a phobia... You say Phobia.. and Phobia means: Irrational fear. So you admit that being afraid alone in a house, is not related to rational causes, and there are no real threats with being alone in a house or apartment. To overcome this, I advise you to: - have the number of a close neighbor on your phone - call 911 the moment you see that something is wrong - have a pet to take care of - have a friend sleep over occasionally - believe in your home security system and that none can hurt you, maybe add more locks. when you're inside your home. - have a friend you can talk to, about your fear, when the phobia attacks you - Go out more (this will get you accustomed to new circumstances every time you face new situations, which will give you more confidence in yourself) - Last but not least, seek professional help like a shrink or something. Good Luck......... Remember, many lived long lives alone in their home and lived joyfully and peacefully..
2016-03-26 21:32:19 · answer #2 · answered by Marion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to tell him is that he will be in the majority. Most people are scared of meeting new people to some extent, and if he is going to university, nobody will know eachother, so they'll all be in the same boat. Alot of uni types (I have been at uni now for 8 years) are what others classify as 'nerdy' types, who are often shy. This often actually draws people together. Also, the ladies love the shy ones, you know! Rather than the ones who talk loudly and show off all the time. My brother has a form of autism and he is very socially awkward, even with close family. Some of the things we have done to help him include getting him involved in theatre, having him collect for charity in the town so people talk to him about it, and things like that. To a certain extent, he is going to have to 'bite the bullet' a little. But ultimately he will love it, and probably emerge in three years alot less shy, probably with an absolute fox on his arm!
2006-09-11 21:38:53 · answer #3 · answered by big_fat_goth 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's just nervous, he's going into a different world. Don't worry, it'll all work out fine. Going to social events doesn't necessarily mean that he has to be social...other people will do the work of talking to him and he will open up to those he feels comfortable with. It is essential that he finds someone at the beginning, because it is hard to enter a group after the Uni flow begins and everyone found their place.
2006-09-11 21:31:28 · answer #4 · answered by gnomus12 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're son should try medication for his social phobia.
The world is a scary place when you have social phobia. I know this because I've had it all my life. It always felt like there was nothing I could ever do to get over my irrational fear. When I started taking medicine for it and found out it actually helped, I was amazed. I feel like a normal person now- I don't have to avoid people anymore and I don't dread upcoming social events.
2006-09-11 22:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would go to a dr and see if there is an anti-anxiety medication he can take. i have to have one because if i'm around too many new people or places i have anxiety attacks. i guess what i do in forced social situations, is make sure to find someone i know there so i have someone to talk to.....or hang out on the outer parts of the room and know where i can go for an easy out of the door maneuver. he will adapt have a little faith in him. as soon as he knows a few people at university he will loosen up. he is old enough now that he needs to learn he'll have to suck it up to get on in life, and he'll need to figure out how to force himself to be ok in these situations. how can he make it in any job being so shy? stop babying him and encourage him to do the best he can.
2006-09-11 21:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is ENTIRELY possible to go to university WITHOUT going to formal dinners. he can choose what social activities to participate in, and that includes choosing to participate in NONE of them.
he will have to go to classes. A therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help using medication or desensitization therapy. You can help him by finding a therapist locally, especially one who deals with social phobia.
I wish there was something you could tell him to make the fear go away, but it just is not that easy, for you or for him. Very sorry.
2006-09-11 21:33:25 · answer #7 · answered by nickipettis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many persons have different phobias. I will suggest you to surf on the following websites. Here you will find the symptoms of different phobias, remedy to those phobias. I hope much of your curiosity about phobias will be satisfied.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/-phobia
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/phobia_symptoms_types_treatment.htm
http://www.phobias-help.com/
http://www.hypnosisanswers.com/typesofphobias/
http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/phobias.html
Please visit the above pages. I hope it helps you.
2006-09-12 03:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best solution is to begin medication to overcome this. Once he gets used to being social, he can start taking less medication.
2006-09-11 22:01:42 · answer #9 · answered by Alucard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. Some counseling and meds should help. He'll be fine.
2006-09-11 21:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by Oui_Fleur 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋