My bestfriend is having really bad depression over something I don't understand; She has incredibly low self esteem in every aspect of her life,body, and mind. She never thinks she can accomplish anything. Her grades are dropping in school because she says she can't comprehend it no matter how hard she tries and no matter what help she gets so she's giving up. Some days she won't even come out of the house because she thinks she's ugly. I have known her all my life and don't know of anything, or anybody, that could be causing these feelings towds herself. Everyone reassures her that she is a beautiful and intelligent girl but she simply cannot see it! I am always here for her and I am always supporting her and making sure she knows she is loved and has someone to talk to about anything and everything and is always here for help, but she does not seem to be getting any better no matter what I do for her, or she does for herself. I know it's not for attention,only I know about it! Help?
2006-09-11 19:56:39 · 13 answers · asked by *Elle Marie* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Well done for being there for her, but... don't let yourself be sucked in by that great depression (not meaning leave her alone, just don't spend yourself on her completely).
Sounds like she may have a case of real clinical depression (there are medications for that), because she does not have a reasonable / realistic view of herself. I would not venture great approaches, because neither I am a professional, nor do I know the extent of harm, but I can give a few suggestions that helped me cope with my own (much milder) depression.
* Have her read Pollyanna (or re-read). Try coaxing her in playing the glad game. (If you haven't read the book, give it a quick go, it's a children's book, and then think about it a couple of days, and if you think it will bring some good, give it to her and persuade her to read it too.)
* Ask her, or make her dwell, on the things she does like on herself - hair, eye color, whatever. Thinking of positive things really brightens things up, if slowly.
* Encourage her to do things that help others - go together and donate old clothes to some charity institution, have her help a child learn to read or do sums, or even just read aloud... exerting oneself for the benefit of others is a great anti-depressant. It shows her that there is worth in her.
These are things that helped me recover some self-esteem, and when on the path of recovery, things get better.
Good luck!
2006-09-11 20:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by AlphaOne_ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people with depression can be helped with COUNSELING, provided by a professional psychologist, and some are helped with Counseling and Medicine.
COUNSELING, or psychotherapy, means talking about feelings with a trained psychologist who can help you change the relationships, thoughts, or behaviors that are causing the depression. Think about it, you feel depressed because you think your life is bad. What if you're wrong? What if you're missing all the good things around you? What if your future holds a lot more promise than you think? When you're depressed, you're in a rut, and you can't see anything good. You need to talk to someone who can help you get out of that rut! Don't wait, ask your parents, or your school counselor for help today.
MEDICINE is used to treat depression that is severe or disabling. Antidepressant medications are not "uppers" and are not addictive. When depression is so bad that you can't focus on anything else, when it interferes with your life in an overwhelming way, medication might be necessary, in addition to counseling. But most often, counseling alone is sufficient.
With treatment, most depressed people start to feel better in just a few weeks.
So remember, when your problems seem too big and you're feeling low for too long,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
There's help out there and you CAN ask for help. And if you know someone who you think is depressed, YOU CAN HELP. Listen and encourage your friend to ask a parent or a responsible adult about treatment. If you friend doesn't ask for help soon, talk to an adult you trust and respect-- especially if your friend mentions suicide. Your friend's life is more important than keeping a secret!
2006-09-11 20:01:42 · answer #2 · answered by heatherlynnmorrow 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is definitely depressed and maybe experiencing feelings of anxiety as well. You sound like a wonderful friend. I suppose the only thing that you can really do is continue to be there for her. Sounds like she needs a friend who will stick by her through these tough times. Ask her if there is anything you can do. If not then perhaps you could do some research into depression/anxiety to learn how you might better be able to be a good friend to her right now. But it sounds like you're already doing wonderfully. I hope your friend feels better soon!
2006-09-11 20:20:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard to understand depression. I have suffered for many years with low self esteem. It is only now that I am 60 years old that I now believe in myself. My husband of 39 years died last year and this taught me that life is so precious and in a split second everything can change. I now live for the moment. Support your friend. Ask her if she wants to commit suicide. People who are depressed may want to end their misery. If she says yes, ask her if she has a plan. If yes then tell her family and tell her that you are there for her. If no suicide ideation then call her daily and listen to her. Take her out and leave the door open for communication.
2006-09-11 20:08:12 · answer #4 · answered by LuLu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a great friend! But you cannot deal with this by yourself! You shouldnt be the only one aware of her situation.
You need to tell someone else about your friend even if she doesnt want you to. Can you tell her parents? If not a school counsellor or a doctor can help. Try to get her to go with you, but if she wont you still need to let them know.
People in that fragile state cannot make sound judgements, and lots of teens end up committing suicide due to depression.
This girl NEEDS help - keep reminding her how much you and everyone else love her - I wish you and her all the best.
2006-09-11 20:10:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even i am facing the same problem with my friend. sometimes i try to console her and say her that she would do the next time but the next time also the thing remains the same. she is very hard working but still i dont know what happens to her at the time of exams. its very hartenning. i listen to her for what she says but she sometimes dont tell me whats the matter with her so i leave her on her own but indirectly support her and she herself recovers after some time. but one thing is that she discusses her feelings with her sis and after that she feels much more better. maybe ur friend might have someone with whom sh could share her feelings and if not than ensure her that she should tell everything to u so that u can help her.if u get any better sugestions than tell me also.
2006-09-11 20:10:36 · answer #6 · answered by julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depression is a very serious issue, people always play it off and its wrong, I had trouble in school, seemed to be going nowhere, and couldn;t find a girl to save my life, I was ready to commit suicide, knife to the throat but I got scared of death. I didn't sadly have anyone there then but my friends are helping me out, I'm back on track on school all though my love life leaves much to be desired. But keep pressing it, be there for her, make sure she's nowhere near as bad as I was
2006-09-11 20:01:36 · answer #7 · answered by Michael M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is under depression. And she needs help before it's getting worse day by day.
Being in depression, everything seems bad / sad / lousy to her. Something in her childhood or growing up years may have caused her to be inferior / depressed. It could be an event or many events that she's aware or not aware of.
Firstly, be there for her. Instead of commenting on her on what to do or not to do. Start by understanding her & validate her feelings. If she's sad / angry / frustrated, tell her "I understand you're feeling sad / angry / upset. It must have been hard on you." She has to go through her emotions before she can move on to the healing stage. By shutting her emotions, she's back to square one or worse still, feeling lousier / sadder etc.
Then followed by, helping her move on to the healing stage. Validating feelings & healing may go front-to-back, back-to-front, as she has alot of issues to deal with.
Have a emotional support group for her, if there are people willing to help her too. So that, she not only draws strength from you, but from others who love her as well.
Do not help her if you're not in a state of helping. It may make matters worse. E.g. If you're feeling drained out after helping her, you may feel irritable to help her at that moment & may say hurtful things to her that you do not mean to.
Do not expect her to fully recover & score high in all aspects of her life. Be supportive & encouraging if she makes the slightest improvement. It would help her tremendously that someone is noticing that she's trying hard & giving in her best though improvement is little. She will be encouraged to try harder next time.
It's like that. Imagine she had a great fall. She need a helping hand to stand up & move on. But before that, there's the wound & pain that need to be nursed. It's the pain that stopping her from getting up. Help her nurse the pain. See what bothers her.
Be ultra-sensitive, esp. in your comments. She can get very upset easily because she's in a very fragile situation. Slowly but graudally, she'll recover. Do not lose hope. Tell her to hang on there & assure she'll be fine.
Once the wound & pain is attended to, she will feel relieved & recover very slowly due to the intensity of her depression. Then help move on step by step. Slowly but gradually, she will cope better in her personal life / school life / family life / love life etc bit by bit. Her morale will be boosted up & she'll feel better of herself gradually. During this time, it would be helpful to assure her of her capability etc. This is the best time to tell her that she's intelligent, beautiful etc. Once she feels better, she'll see it for herself. She'll even ask you herself on & off. "Do you think I'm pretty?" "Am I stupid?" "Am I ugly?" "Do you think I look good this way?"
It will take some time for her to improve. Do not expect drastic results. It will be gradual results. Any slight improvement will be tremendously good for her. You must understand there's so many things on her mind. She could be losing her appetite. She could be sulking day in day out. She's losing energy due to feeling sad & unwell. She couldn't concentrate. And she can't see that she's intelligent & beautiful etc. Be patient with her.
If all else fails, please seek PROFESSIONAL help. You can bring her to a clinic to assess her situation. If there's a need, a professional doctor will be recommended to her. Medical and/or physological therapy would help her tremendously.
2006-09-11 20:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by Queenie Tay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next month is National Depression Testing month. Why don't you find out where they will be doing the free testing in your area and get all your friends together to get tested. Don't forget to take the males with you, even if you have to drag them there kicking and screaming.
http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/locator/NDSDmap.aspx
2006-09-11 20:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not on the outside she feels ugly, it goes much deeper than that. She need councling to help her sort out those neg. feelings and why she has them-then she can let go and move on to a more positive life.
2006-09-11 20:03:07 · answer #10 · answered by sturner1111 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋