Back in early May I moved in with my older brother on my 18th birthday. I was kind of an evil homophobic person back then, and in late June I upset one of my brother's friends who was gay, because of that. My brother made me move back in with our parents, who would hurt me if I told them I was gay... I just recently accepted it myself too... I know my brother is the only one that would accept me, but he will not talk to me, because of what I said to his friend...
2006-09-11 19:45:58 · 27 answers · asked by Chris 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
try to explain to ur brother that when u said that to his friend u were in denial and how stressed u were at that time...i'm sure he will understand-if he refuses to talk to you, e-mail him or write a letter- he should hear what u have to say
2006-09-11 19:50:09 · answer #1 · answered by antigone 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One of the best ways to deal with traumatic situations, of any kind, is true acceptance, both of your self and others. It's kind of a spiritual cleaning in a way.
The second thing that you need to do is to learn the power that words can have and how to deal with things in a totally adult way. People are going to have a whole lot more respect for you in your life if you move forward in a frank, open and adult manner. Learn from people who you know who can do that and simply emulate them. You can do and achieve whatever you want, you simply have to have the correct thinking.
You cannot go around living in fear of yourself and how others will deal with you ... your parents and your brother need to know who you really are. They also need to know that you are maturing in spirit and mind and despite your recent insecurities, you are your own man and you will move forward despite what they think. This can only make you grow in their eyes, although it may simply not seem like it at the time. Weather the storm and you will find an oasis of calm on the other side! OH, abd about being gay, I am a straight guy but I can tell you that some of the nicest, most sincere men I have met have been openly gay. The world is big enough to accept everyone ... jus do your bit by accepting everyone else.
Good luck.
2006-09-11 20:05:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my friend, you have a few issues.
The first thing you can try and do is explain things to your brother. If he will take you back, great, if not - oh well. However, if you take this step you have to realize that their is no going back. It will probably get back to your folks soon enough that you are gay and if you piss off your brother again, then you will have be with your folks who might take it out on you - if they take you back at all.
Is your brother gay? Did you upset his boyfriend?
If your brother won't take you back after you have told him, swear him to secrecy and at least leave him on a good note. Or, if you just can't ask your brother to take you back at least try and make friends with him again.
If living with your brother is not an option just bide your time until you are on your own. Don't say anything to your parents about you being gay while you are with them. Save your money and get your own place. Then be who you want to be. After you have some things figured out and you are stable and paying your own bills, then come out to your family. Let the chips fall where they will.
In the mean time you would probably benefit by joining a gay youth group or becoming part of a coming out support group. Also consider volunteering in a gay charity. Is there a gay community center near you? Any gay social events? Start looking around.
Good luck!
2006-09-12 01:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your brother is accepting of gay people, and you seem to think he will understand, I think that you should call up your brother and arrange to meet him somewhere, maybe a restaurant, and explain to him the situation - that you were scared about your own sexuality, and took that fear out on his friend. Tell him why you were scared; how you feel your parents will react, etc. Ask him for help as to how he thinks you should behave around your parents/ etc, and ask him not to tell anyone - the decision to tell other people about your sexuality should be yours alone. It is really good that your brother will understand you. He will also come around if you explain why you reacted the way you did around his friend. You should then apologize to the friend - you don't have to tell the friend you are gay unless you want to, but you should apologize. And maybe if you do offer a real heartfelt apology, and tell the friend what you are going through, he will sympathize and become a source of support - he's already gone through it, after all. Good luck!
2006-09-11 19:52:23 · answer #4 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Chris,
Look, you made a mistake. It sounds like you were being immature and trying to feel better about yourself. This is what you do:
Go to, or call on the phone for your brother to come pick you up. When he asks you why or asks you, " Are you insane?" Tell him that you were being immature and that you were expressing yourself out of confusion, and that you are Gay. Tell him you were trying to feel better about yourself when you said what you said, and didn't want to admit it. Now that you are with your parents, you are afraid, because your parents might hurt you, if they found out.
If he accepts your apology, then hopefully he comes to get you. If not, then you have to make your own way out of there. You have to be able to support yourself out there with your own roommates and all.
If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I understand how difficult these things can be.
2006-09-11 20:00:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hard... but simple ;)
Just tell him all what u've written here, u just need to explain him that u didn't really knew u were gay! N tell him that u r sorry about what u said to his gay friend, just be true!
He's your brother and if u both love each other everything will be fine.
About your parents, if u think that they won't support u, it'd be better if u keep it to yourself... I know it's not the best or the correct thing...
2006-09-13 11:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by rhBoy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O geez, I would really hate to be in your situation. I'm all through and done with the coming out thing and it can really suck.(I was kicked out of my parents' house) I had lots of support from everywhere though so I survived without too many mental and emotional scars.
If I were you, I would try my hardest to talk to the brother. To me it looks like the only thing you CAN do. Tell him exactly what you've gone through in the last couple of months. I honestly believe that he will forgive you and accept you. Good luck.
If you need someone to talk to contact me.
2006-09-11 19:53:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were evil and homophobic because of your conflicted feelings. Now you have confronted and hopefully accepted you can become a better person. One of the steps in this process is saying sorry. I guess you need to say sorry to your brother. Hopefully he will accept your apology.
2006-09-14 08:29:50 · answer #8 · answered by Augusta B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you tell your brother you were insulting to his friend because you were confused and scared with inner thoughts of homosexuality yourself then i am sure he will understand. If his friend is gay then hes bound to understand how difficult it was to accept and understand why you were a horrible person whilst you dealt with these feelings. Why not write him a letter, it might be easier to get stuff down on paper, good luck and good for you xx
2006-09-11 21:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by ducky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear boy! What confusion... well, first it would be best to come into terms with yourself, than with the rest...
I welcome your turning for the "true religion" (that's a joke, ok!), but you made lot of people feel debased for being what you say now you are!
I would suggest an Oscar Wilde quote (i collect my memory): we find in other people the faults we represent the most! (to see the original check The Portrait Of Dorian Grey)... Think on it, and then go to your brother and apologize...
You might be surprised, but gays are very good at forgiveness... just need to be really honest! please be sure you will be hosent saying you are gay!
2006-09-12 01:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by Randy Beaman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you just came out here, which is very cool of you.
If you're going to come out to someone else, might I suggest you start the conversation about Yahoo Answers first, and then introduce them to your Yahoo Answers profile, with this question prominently displayed at the top.
Short of advising you on this roundabout way of coming out, the only thing I could tell you is to just admit it to your brother and beg his forgiveness.
Oh, and if your parents are that demented that they are willing to hurt their own progeny, you'll really need to find a way to leave the nest, pronto.
2006-09-11 19:53:05 · answer #11 · answered by fiat_knox 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋