what to do when ur 12 yr old wont listen?

Question

She refuses to help around the house, wont do her turn on dishes and wont clean her room, I tried punishing her by taking computer away, radio,tv,phone, even spanking,,,on her butt,,,,nothing seems to work or when it does when i lift the grounding she is right back at it

Answer 1

Pack all her crap in green trash bags, don't throw them away just pretend like your going to, or heck if she doesn't pick it up she doesn't want it, toss it in the trash...Me personally i cant handle disrespect, i have trained even my nieces and nephews, i brainwashed them, if i say something i mean it, i wont say it twice, they know this. I have never laid a hand on them, you would swear i did LOL But make her listen do not back down, if you say something follow through, put your foot down mama. Put her dirty dishes and laundry in her bed, if she wants to live like a pig, she can sleep like one. Do not give a time limit on groundings, let say like 1 week... tell her when you think its time to end then it will, if she has a time limit she will do right till then and be right back at doing the same thing...This is war, be prepared to battle, but you need to get a grip on this before its to late....

Answer 2

Is this new behaviour? She could be calling out for attention. Is she being bullied or abused? Drugs? Sex? Sucidal or depressed?

If you don't know, find out.

Try increasing the punishment for repeat offences. That's what the courts do. That's real life.

Make sure she knows that these are life skills, a part of survival. If she becomes a slob, she will have a hard time dealing with people.

Encourage her by taking before and after shot of her room, reward her with a mimi room makeover. Praise is free, so give lots.

Try doing the chores WITH her. Sometimes it's a great way to connect with your kid.

Answer 3

Childrens chores include homework and whatever task you dictate. If you consider that an adult has a job...he/she gets paid, praise, bonus's, etc as 'reward' or 'bribe' for doing his/her job....then so should you bribe/reward your child. And follow through! In the beginning of a new job (lets just say your daughter wasnt 'trained' properly on her first job ie: the past several years w/o promise of advancement ..;) someone is usually given a supervisor to teach and assist. Mom...you've got to start from scratch! Youre the new boss, she's the fledgling employee...however, since she's your daughter you need to be 10fold patient and 10fold kind and superior in praise during this 're-training' phase. You and she have become 'disconnected' and it's a good time to re-bond to your daughter. Good luck.
Kids are the best!

Answer 4

Is she angry with you for something? Maybe there is something that she saw or was told about you and it has her upset. Take her out to eat and talk to her, she will more than likely be co operative with people she doesn't know around her. Have a nice dinner and tell her to share with you whats going on. She may be hormonal and just doesn't know how to cope. Sometimes the pediatricians can openly talk to her about the changes that happen to young ladies her age and she can ask something that may be on her mind. Don't take it personally, she's just at that stage in her life where things aren't really making sense and she's probably really frustrated. Tell her if she will not talk to you then you will find her some help with a therapist. and if she doesn't protest then do it! It'll help everyone in the end. Good luck to you and your pre-teen (got one too)

Answer 5

i'm specific you comprehend your babies ought to be your first priority. determine they're by no skill allowed close to her. First take her to a vet & see if their may be an underlying scientific reason, if no longer, then you certainly've have been given a tough decision. She may be volatile, and no volume of educating will replace that. Have her evaluated with the help of an animal behaviorist (get a advice out of your vet) to locate if there may be some thing that triggers this habit. If it rather is not some thing this is predictable, then putting her down could be perfect. in case you undertake her out, she might finally end up thoroughly mauling whoever she's placed with upload: the subject with rehoming her in any respect is, she wasn't even newborn-aggressive till presently. there is not any assure that she would manage to no longer strengthen into human-aggressive often. i comprehend you like your dogs, and that's an exceedingly difficult decision, yet you should examine the great image. you could no longer placed others in threat with the help of attempting to maintain her

Answer 6

When my 12 year olds wouldn't clean their rooms I gave them fair warning - 3 days to get it clean and if it isn't done I'll do the cleaning. Then everything went that wasn't in its proper place. (Well, we have to be fair because 12 yr. olds have a keen sense of fairness) I put everything I picked up in garbage bags and stashed them. Then after the shock wore off I gave back one bag at a time on the condition that the contents would be put away promptly. PLEASE NEVER SPANK A 12 YEAR OLD.
Start teaching her to cook and plan meals, she plans and cooks on her dish night. Let her choose to use paper plates if she wants on her meal night. Don't make chores a drag let them be life skills training. (I'm a mother of 7)

Answer 7

oh boy, sounds like my daughter in the past.
You might need to find things that mean more to her than what you are doing.Some teens are so defient that you could nail them to the wall daily and they still don't listen.

Take some comfort in this. your daughter will grow up someday and might be your best friend. And suddenly the two of you take turns being the mother. That is what happened to me and my daughter. She now is a mom and she actually appologized to me one day for all she did as a teenager.

Write out the rules and the consquenses. Don't make them unbearable for you. Make her sign an agreement. Then there is no argument. The rules are written And can be changed as needed.

There is hope..........hang on

Answer 8

i agree with 'raven'

you really need to find out what her currency is. every child has one. what is it that she cant live without. her mobile, dance class, hangin out with friends, watching home and away?

she needs to know with 100% accuracy whats going to hapen if she behaves like this. sit her down and talk to her about it. she's old enough to be straight with her. let her know that things are going to change and if she steps up and becomes a responsible part of the family theh things are going to be fine, if not her worls isnt going to be the nicest place. that the things that she likes doing are not going to be available to her.

whatever you do yo uneed to do with 100% conviction. if there is a partner in your life then they need to be on board to.

in regards of taking things that she values off her make it that she has to work towards getting them back. and not because se cleaned her room after the 100th time you asked. maybe she does the washing with out being asked. then she gets something back. where ever you put her things make sure she cant access it.

it might b a good idea to put aup a chore list on the fridge so she can see that everyone has a role in the house and it might b a good idea to give her an allowance for doing all her chores. if u give her money all the tme now the stop. she has no motivation to pull her weight.

anyways. hope that helps. let me know how it goes. my email is [e-mail]. or jump on msn

goodluck n remember to stick to your guns. you are preparing her for life.

Answer 9

tell her that you love her and that she is part of the family. all family members have chores to do ... and that you need her to help out.

if she refuses .. then you have to place her on restriction .. and you HAVE to stick to it. if you say no TV for a week .. make sure NO TV for a week. if you say no PHONE for a week .. then make sure there is NO PHONE for a week, etc.

you have to be firm and consistent.

if she turns right around and exhibits the same negative behavior after coming off restriction .. do it again and make it longer.

if you tell her to clean her room .. tell her she has 2 hours to do it and that in two hours whatever is still on the floor in her room is going into the trash. THEN DO IT. follow through. i guarantee .. she won't do that too many times.

if she still is disrespecting .. i think it's time for family therapy. it would then appear that she has other issues and you may need to seek a professionals point of view. be sure to pick a therapist that specializes with adolescents.

Answer 10

Consider it par for the course and steel yourself for at least 2 more years like this.