About 5 years ago my aunt was married had two kids. well her husband decided to get a computer. My aunt was on it a lot , then she met some one on the net talked to him for a few months and then one day said she was goin to bingo but never came home. She ended up goin to illinois to meet the guy. She then decided to live with him.. so she left her kids and husband for this man who has 3 kids of his own. Her daughters have for given her and some of my family but other family member's are still upset at her and are not really talking to her anymore. Should they forgive her and jus move on.. or what?
2006-09-11 17:03:10 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I personally wouldn't want anything to do with someone who could leave their children to start a life with a man who has children of his own. In order for me to have a friendship with someone I have to have respect for them. I might acknowledge her and say hello, if I were to see her at a family reunion and then continue to walk right on by. She doesn't sound like she's someone I would want to be friendly to. I'm glad to hear that her children have forgiven her, after all forgiveness is for their sake, so they are no longer carrying around resentment and disappointment toward her. But, I'll bet my last dollar that they will never be able to forget....I know I wouldn't.
2006-09-11 17:15:51 · answer #1 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really sad. I can't figure out why the daughters have forgiven her so easily. I wonder if they would have forgiven their dad the same way. Maybe 5 years time would soften the blow some, but she sounds like a deadbeat mom. Did she ever pay anything, come visit or call? If she hasn't paid anything, I would contact the authorities and make her financially responsible. Just because she is a female doesn't give her the right to skate. It was extremely hard for the father to raise those kids and still hold a job and the courts are not to sympathetic when it comes to having women pay.
What's her reason for doing this? Was it an abusive relationship? If it was, then maybe there is some justification here. If it was because of some "He didn't love me" or "I didn't love him anymore" then it's time she gets some responsibility put on her.
Would I forgive her? Probably not...She's not a victim and it was a selfish, cowardly thing to do. How do you feel about it?
One more comment...Real forgiveness does forget and I could never forget.
2006-09-12 00:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by strong and soft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what she did was wrong. Yes people can do 'whatever they want' but she hurt loved ones and that's hard to ignore. It sounds like it was a hard blow to her husband and children. A parent who leaves their family so easily - and all because of infatuation - can't expect their family to go around pretending they didn't notice what happened.
It has been five years though, if her daughters have forgiven her, then there isn't much of a point in you or other family members holding off your forgiveness. If you are family you should be there for her, even if she is an idiot. : ) I would still talk to her but don't be afraid to tell her the truth if she ever talks to you about it. She probably wont though, so don't get excited about telling her off. Families have a tendancy to hold grudges for lifetimes, and it's not worth it in the end most of the time.
If you were her husband I would tell you to take the daughters and head for the hills, but she's your aunt so it's not the same.
2006-09-12 00:33:53 · answer #3 · answered by cathrine c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is something that happens in your heart, not something you decide on. Of course, her children will want to forgive her, as that is human nature. They want a relationship with their mother more than they want to hold a (well deserved) grudge. Close family members will also forgive her because they want to smooth the way for nurturing that relationship between the daughters and mother.
The family members who are not as close, have the luxury of harboring that grudge. I don't blame them, as it was a poor decision for that woman to make, with many ramifications to the very children she was supposed to love and nurture. If this were my family, I would have a hard time biting my tongue too, and the best I could do is to not talk to her.
Give it some time, and don't pressure your family members about forgiving her. Even if they bow to your pressure, the forgiveness will be insincere. Let people sort out their own feelings. This issue is charged enough.
2006-09-12 00:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by burpolicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question, what she did was terribly wrong, no excuse whatsoever, absolutely none but we must forgive no matter what. People make mistakes that hurt the ones that they and we love. Sometimes we become blinded and go off and do things that just aren't right or moral. Forgive but don't forget. She has to come to peace with her past actions and if she hasn't she will regret the hurt and pain of abandonment that she bestowed upon her beloved family
2006-09-12 00:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by sharkscue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if her daughters have forgiven her that is the main thing. She didnt do it to hurt anyone in the family. The only ones she could have hurt were her daughters and husband. As long as her daughters are okay and happy the rest of the family should forgive and forget, God bless.
2006-09-12 00:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by galbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has different abilities to forgive. If it were me, I can honestly say there is no way I'd forgive her. She walked out on her family for someone she didn't even know. And to top it off, she abandoned her own children to go and play mommy to someone elses? That's a hard pill to swallow and I'm not sure any excuse would justify that for me. If your family wants to forgive this woman, it's their perogative. Just don't let them influence your decision.
2006-09-12 00:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As her daughter the ones most hurt by the abandonment have found it in their hearts to forgive her other family members should follow suit so as not to cause a rift that could potentially hurt the daughters again...
2006-09-12 00:16:30 · answer #8 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends if her own children can forgive her i think the rest should be able to but you didn't say did the romance work out for her was she honestly in love with the computer guy or did she leave for a passing fling?
2006-09-12 00:09:32 · answer #9 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being angry won't fix anything or bring her back into a marriage that is over. You can let her know that you do not approve of what she did, but don't hold it over her head.
Her family will have to come to terms in their own way and forgive her when they feel ready. Don't force any of her children into doing anything they don't feel ready to do.
2006-09-12 00:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋