I was married 1x before and he cheated on me. This has had an emotional toll on me. I fell in-love with my now husband a few yrs laters and absolutely adore him. However, I found out recently that the two years we were dating he was calling his ex behind my back and they were even planning secret dinner dates together. To make matters worse his sister is getting married in 2 months and Im not included in the wedding but his x is. He thinks I shouldn't be bothered by this, but how can I not. We have a daughter together and his sister has made it so none of the kids can be invited to the wedding. Supposively for space reasons. I missed her Bridal Shower yesterday and my husband and his family think Im horrible but I cant sit in the same room with another woman who tried to break up a relationship I was in. Its too painful and I feel disrespected. My hubby thinks Im being dramatic. Tonight when fighting about it he told me that it was he that was the one initating the plans.
2006-09-11 15:44:47 · 21 answers · asked by Chris P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you know the answer to this one. If you're not at the wedding, let your husband know that if he attends without you, you will not be there when he returns, and pack up and move out (or kick him out, even better) - your hunches are probably right - and for the sake of your child, you should not continue to be dumped on - what is it teaching her?
2006-09-11 15:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you didn't marry the wrong person. You've found out that the two of you have hit a small bump in your road of marital bliss. Have you asked him if he still feels like getting back with his ex now? Did they have sex during these secret dinner dates? Once you got married did the phone calls and dates stop? Hopefully you get a no on the first two and a yes on the last one. If ya don't, the two of you need to do some serious talking and soul searching. I understand all of this is painful. I've definitely been thru some pain in past and current relationships! I've had to learn to trust and not have just trustworthiness in my husband. I want the marriage to work, he does too, so that's what we both work towards. We communicate. As for his b***h of a sister....well I think your hubby needs to realize just how much it is disturbing you, stand up to his sister, let her know that what she is doing is pretty crappy, and both of you need to decide whether the two of you are going to attend or not. It's not unusual to have a "kid-free" wedding and reception. A lot less hassle for everyone!! Plus it gives you two a night together like a date. Personally, I would go to the wedding and reception and be the bigger person. Remember...she's the EX...and now he's married to YOU!! Go and show her that he's not hers anymore and dance & laugh the night away!! WooHoo!!
2006-09-11 16:00:12 · answer #2 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ohh this sounds so like me.
What to tell you!!! If your husband has a bond with this other woman to the point where they are best friends... You wont win!!
You have to break the jealousy and except they are friends. You have to get this other women on your side of trust (it hard work)
Once that person has lost your respect whether it is your husband or this other woman it is so hard to get past the pain..
I know what it feels like to share the same room (you just get sick to your stomach and want to get angry and cry and the same time) Sounds like his sister got on very well with the other woman and your going to be a nuisance in her and your husbands life. Again you have to somehow win the sister over and get you husband to see that you are trying. I went through 2 years of hell (should I leave or stay) You can talk and cry till your blue in the face and all its going to do is push you away from him. Part of me being able to move on was I said to myself I married this man not her (then asked why didn't he marry her -and then feel good about it) All I can sum up with if you really love your husband fight for him and don't let any half baked ex destroy YOUR happiness!!! Good Luck
2006-09-11 16:06:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, too bad you didnt find out before you married this guy that he was doing this to you!! He is so wrong!!! When you are committed to someone you dont plan secret dates with other women and for sure not with their ex!!! I think he still has some unresolved feelings for his ex. But he does love you, just needs to get this closure with his ex. He needs to know that you are not coming second to her, that you are first. And if he sees that this is hurting you than he should stop it. He either should say he cant be in the wedding and just go with you as his date...or tell his sister that theres a problem and see what she can do. I dont think he should be any where near his ex. And if this bothers him than he needs to make a decision you or his ex. How would he like it if you were going out places with your ex???????
2006-09-11 15:51:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ya i think u did i mean confront him and say do u want her or me. it sounds like the sister has something against u also i wouldn't be able to handle that it's like the family stone (if u have seen that movie then u know what i mean) u should think hard and long if u can live your life that way and if u can handle that he is already cheating on u if u can't make up your mind turn to one of your friends b/c u have to make sure to get asap before too much happen even though it would be a huge shock to your daughter.
i hope u find this helpful and think of everything of y to break up with him and y not to
2006-09-11 15:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your sister-in-law is tacky beyond belief. Any husband who wouldn't stick up for his wife, isn't a man. When you get married, your first obligation is to your spouse and your children. I would keep my kids home from the wedding. If she is going to put someone in her wedding and leave you and your kids out, I wouldn't dignify her with my presence. You can write her a note that you won't be attending and take your kids to visit your parents. Then you can decide where you want to be.
2006-09-11 15:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by mamaloo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm sorry for your situation but this husband of yours is an a** and is in total denial as far as your feelings are concerned. U are his wife and he has zero respect for u. I would suggest u start looking out for yourself as u are not required to put up with this kind of behavior from someone who's supposedly given u his vows only to dishonor it in the end by giving his ex more importance than u.
U are NOT overreacting. U are in the right as far as this is concerned. Stand up for yourself and do not put up with it.
2006-09-11 15:56:46 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to get the hell out. None of my husbands's have ever called another woman behind my back and stayed married to me. If he goes to the wedding you need to pack up and go. Or let him know that if he goes he won't be welcome back into your arms. He seems to be more respectful of his ex and her feelings than yours.
2006-09-11 16:33:50 · answer #8 · answered by trisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is bullshit. When the two of you got married he made a vow to you to forsake all others and hold you close to his heart it sounds like he still hasnt got the ex out of his system. It is very disrespectful for him to do this to you. Dis the dude and go out with me.
2006-09-11 16:03:34 · answer #9 · answered by Steve R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you made the second mistake by marrying this jerk. I'm sorry to say that. but it's a fact. I think you should divorce him, and be single for awhile, then maybe find someone, or have him come and find you, so you'd be married to the right person.
2006-09-11 15:48:44 · answer #10 · answered by superboredom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋