I posted a previous question about my ex moving out. It has been two months now and now she tells me she hates me. She told me that I have been driving her insane and that she doesn't love me any more regardless if we have a child together or not. She agreed to having me having my son every weekend on F,S,S,M. So I have him the majority of time. She denies seeing anyone else but its a matter of time I guess, if not already. I find myself having a hard time letting go of her, even when I know it's for the best. I haven't really let her have her space which is my wrongdoing. She has been going to counseling and started back to the gym. I guess she is moving on and I guess I should do the same. My question is should I move on or should I wait a liitle longer as I don't want to lose my family?
2006-09-11 14:44:35 · 8 answers · asked by el_donkeyman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Man, it is a tough one.
The paradox here is that whether you move on or not, you have to be willing to move on. What you described is your unwillingness or inability, at this time, to do that. However, you can't have her back unless you are willing to live without her.
Keep in mind too, that should she start to date again, her new boyfriend is not your problem; if it wasn't him, it would be someone else since, it is her decision to seek other relations as she attempts to improve her life.
Moreover, it is actually counter productive because nothing draws two people closer together than a common enemy.And at all cost, you want to avoid being her enemy.
The same thing applies to her best girlfriend (they are the one that drive me crazy) They always seem to be supporting her in moving on but again, throwing stones and bad mouthing the friend actually unites them against you and causes you to take on the perception of being the one with the problem.
Moreover, the more you take on the perception as being the one with the problem then the harder is it for her to recognize that she even has a need to look at herself. From her perception, she doesn't need to look at herself. She doesn't have a problem; you do.
The being willing to move on is centered around taking action to improve your life. That is moving on. That is what she is doing by going to counseling and to the gym. She is trying to improve her life. What can you start doing to improve your life? Your focus here needs to be centered upon what you are doing rather than what she is doing.
Lastly, you have to realize that people are ultimatlely going to do what they think is best for them and if you interfere with them trying to better their own life, then they will avoid having to do with you. You have to be willing to let her do what she thinks is best for her.....she is going to anyway.
But that is less of an issue when you are focused on what you are doing to better your life. And trying to get her back, does not count in reagrds to what you are doing. getting her back may be a result of what you have done to better your like but it is not a means in which to better your life.
2006-09-11 15:11:28 · answer #1 · answered by quarterton2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time to move on hun. Sorry but you can't make someone love you. She told you herself. You have a child to worry about. Take care and good luck.
2006-09-11 15:16:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you leave her alone and show your independence such as she is showing you then the tables may turn. Go on with your life, but somehow make sure she hears about your independence as well and she may start feeling jealous like you are now.
2006-09-11 14:59:37 · answer #3 · answered by samanthajane19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't lose your family. It just changed and you now have the ability to fall in love again. Good Luck!
2006-09-11 15:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by ednolb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is gone, gone, gone...and she has told you she is gone, gone, gone. I don't understand what part of this you don't understand. Move on, pay child support, keep seeing the baby and enjoy life. Good luck
2006-09-11 14:51:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
MOVE ON, GET YOUR OWN LIFE, BE HAPPY. DROP OFF YOUR BAGGAGE AND GRUDGES YOU ARE CARRYING. SHE HAS. FIND A NEW WAY TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AS CO-PARENTS. LIMIT HER ACCESS TO YOUR LIFE, OTHER THAN THE KIDS.
THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE THOSE KIDS IS A HEALTHY CO-PARENT RELATIONSHIP. AND, TWO FAMILIES THAT LOVE THEM DEARLY, MORE DEARLY THAN THEIR HATE AND SPITE FOR EACH OTHER.
2006-09-11 14:58:46 · answer #6 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move on. You won't lose your son.
2006-09-11 15:43:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry, he is right she is gone.
2006-09-11 14:56:52 · answer #8 · answered by mandinwages 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋