My friend is in an abusive relationship with no way out. Can I Do this?

Question

My best freind of 17 years is in an emotionally abusive relationship. She has been for 12 years. THey have three boys together. He us very controlling. She cant really leave the house accept to go to work and when she does get out on teh premis to run errands he will call her every ten minutes to see that she is where she is supposed to be. Then he will drive around to see if her car is where it is. If she takes to long, he'll call and say that if she doesn't come right home he is calling DHS to tell them that she has abandoned the kids. I moved her closer to me 2000 miles away from him and he followed her and hasnt left. I know that he has a warrant out for his arrest in another state and I have been thinking about turning him in. But friends have said the police can't just go pick him up unless they have probable cause. If he does get caught he is looking at 10 years and I know that this is the only way for her to get away from him. Shes staid so long for the kids sake.

Answer 1

Hi, well just read about your friend. And I cant imagine what shes going through. And its not just about her, there's also kids involved as well. By the sound of this i dont think he is going to stop till someone stops him. If he has a warrant our for his arrest than I must say it sounds like it would be best to turn him in. What does your friend think of this, does she know that you are thinking of turning him in? If you can put this guy behind bars thats what you should do. You probably dont even have to leave your name. Just call in and say where he is at. Than if he does go to jail, even before i would get her somewhere safe that no one knows where she is, and get a lawyer for sure to find out what else she needs to do to get him out of her life. As well as a restraining order. But the only way she can do this is if she really feels like she can and she has to want to follow through with it. Sorry thats all i can think of ...Good Luck to her and her kids, I will keep them in my prayers!

Answer 2

If there is a warrant somewhere for the guy call the local police and see if the haveextradition between the two places and get him away because it may only be emotional know but one time it will go to phisical and the children could and will end up hurt also

Answer 3

I don't see where your dilemma is. You know he's abusive and that he has a warrant out for his arrest in another state. Your friend can gain probable cause by informing police or proper authorities whenever he threatens or abuses her. By getting the little things into paperwork you can build all the evidence to back up that he's bad news. And yea, as far as I know, police can go pick up people in other states. As long as he's in the USA, he's fair game to be turned in and picked up by local authorities and passed onto the appropriate authorities in the state he's wanted in.

Answer 4

You should offer her an alternative if you can, like tell her she and the kids can stay with you. And then you have to leave it totally up to her. It isn't as easy to walk out of an abusive relationship as people like to believe. It takes the abuser a long time of brainwashing before the real abuse starts.
She has to make up her mind that she's had enough and until then no one can help her.
If you really want to turn him in, have another person unknown to them do it for you. That way they can't trace it back to you and cause you grief. But, be aware, if he gets arrested and she knows it's you, she will never forgive you....ever.
It's like a sickness. She'll take his side.

Answer 5

bless you for caring about her. Contact an attorney, DHS, the police dept, wish I could think of more. But do it for her. She obviously can't contact them with him watching all the time. She needs your help. Staying for the kid's sake is not a valid reason. They are only learning to be like him, and that family life is terrible.
Look in the phone book or ask the phone co. information line for a number to an abuse hotline.

Answer 6

I'm pretty sure there has ALREADY been probable cause because he has a warrant. You need to report him to your local authorities and, if known, the authorities where he is wanted. Call a safe shelter for women near you. They will be able to direct you as to what to do for the safety of her and her children. And do it ASAP. Her staying for the sake of the children is, in this circumstance, not benefiting anyone but him. She will not be able to think clearly until she is away from him.

Answer 7

It sounds like he wants to stay in control of her and not let her out of his site because she is a security blanket to him, he knows he has a warrasnt and needs the protection, calling DHS is just a scare tactic to say she has abandoned her children depending on the State your in his arrest warrant is probably not valid due to statute of limitations and the crime commited.

Answer 8

Of course they have probably cause. This is what I'd do.

1) Call her up, tell her you're coming over.

2) Head over to her house and of course go in, tell her that she -needs- to stay here and that you're going to call the police for her.

3) Call the police, tell them what's been happening. Their probable cause is that your friend is right there with you, she's the victim so she has to be there to tell the cops that what your saying is true.

Answer 9

it depends on what the police have a warrant for, usually they arent very good at enforcing it for most things. Make a complaint about him, for some reason, can even be anonymous, and they will pick him up and run his id. Wait till he drives off somwhere and then call his car in stolen, or him drunk, or whatever.

Answer 10

If he has an active warrant the police should intervene. I would contact your local police department, tell them that he has an active warrant out of which ever state for whatever crime and see what they say. I wish you and your friend the best of luck!