My friend (Bill) got married this summer to a real b***ch. Ever since he met this girl all of his friends have disliked her. My friends and I have never told him how we feel about her. Now that he is married he wants us to stop by his house and hang out. Nobody wants to go to his house because of her. She tends to talk down to him when we are there and she is always trying to start some drama ( for attention). I cant stand being around her and therefore I am being forced to slowly withdraw from my friendship. All of my friends feel the same way about her. I am running out of excuses of why I can't hang out with him. What should i do? Should I ever tell him how I feel about her or just keep quiet and let time take its course?
2006-09-11 14:21:18 · 20 answers · asked by james a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Wow, that is a tough spot. Maybe you could talk to your friend and just let him know that you are uncomfortable around his wife. This has to be done with much tact though because he will instinctively come to her defense. Geeze, now that I just read my answer I'm starting to think that it would be better to not say anything and just let time take it's course. Alot a help I've been...huh? Sry and best of luck!
2006-09-11 14:26:56 · answer #1 · answered by funlady6632@yahoo.com 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didnt you tell him before he got married? Why would you even let him take it this far? I dont think it is fair to not hang out with him anymore. You didnt let him know before she became his wife, so why let him know now? Why take out your feelings against her on him? He doesnt deserve this kind of friendship.
A good friend wouldve told him that the issue existed before the situation got too complicated. And an even better friend would not let small things like a "girl" get in the way of a friendship.
2006-09-11 14:26:45 · answer #2 · answered by lalala 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is always the best policy. If you were such good friends you should have told him long ago even if he did not want to hear it. Also if you were/are so close, chances are he already knows how you feel and in that case can figure out why his friends have stopped coming around. Plus chances are you guys never slept with him and she has...........need I say more. Some men just don't know what their priorities are. Give it time and he will be around again.......without the B----!
2006-09-11 14:27:16 · answer #3 · answered by sunshinysusan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm.. its a tough one... but here goes.
You should keep your thoughts to yourself since he chose her and obviously likes the abuse.
To get around the wife and keep the friendship you can 1) have group gatherings with the two of them, bring your girlfriend or wife to keep her busy, and make these just for dinner, coffee, quick gatherings. This will show that you still include her in. 2) have guys night out for the times you really want to spend with your friend(s), these can be longer, all night affairs.
Since you do 1) every once in awhile the wife should let him go do the 2)s. If she doesn't then you may have no choice but to break the news...
Note** as a friend, I may warn him not to let himself get taken all the time...if he doesn't stop it now, it will forever be like this.
2006-09-11 14:28:36 · answer #4 · answered by Bryant F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you and your other friends feel the same way about this woman I think all of you (men) should get together and let your married friend know how you feel. If you dont and you just stop going to see him he is going to wonder why. So I dont see that you really have anything to lose by telling him how all of you feel. It wont be easy but nothing in life is, right???????
2006-09-11 14:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by shirley e 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's really a tough question - I think it would be a shame if he lost his friends without knowing why, but I can see why that would be a hard issue to bring up. I would say that either some sort of informal intervention should be attempted, barring that one of you (the buddies) should volunteer to talk to him about it- that way if it doesn't go well or he doesn't want to listen it doesn't cause a big scene and alienate all of you at once.
Good luck that really IS a tight spot!
2006-09-11 14:24:55 · answer #6 · answered by niwriffej 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
touchy situation.most of the time the dude is going to stay with his wife, you have to learn to be civil with each other, one day your mate might just wake up and decide enough enough.but that's for him to decide. not you or any of your mates.
ride it mate ,just ride it, it might be a really bad recurring freakin nightmare, but if you want to stay mates , you will have to find a way, try only visiting when shes not going to be there, if shes always there, then make plans to meet in mutual places so that no-one is in charge of their surroundings and usually people drop their attitude a peg or two, even more if the event is held at your place, just turn it around a bit, no reason why you should have to not hang out with your mate, if shes really that bad you may have your mate back in no time, but dont cause the problem for them ,it seems to me she has no trouble in creating the drama herself and that s exactly what your mate needs to see. good luck
2006-09-11 14:30:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never tell him what you think of her. That is the kiss of death to your friendship and just unkind. My suggestion is that you set up a "guys night out" and invite him to join you. Do a football night or go to a game, something that is "guys only" but not threatening to the wife so she won't object to his going. You can continue your friendship without having to spend much time with her.
2006-09-11 14:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by mamaloo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of friend are you if you walk away? How would you feel if you were in his shoes? I think honesty is the best policy here. He is probably wondering what has happened to his friends. It may not change the situation but at least he would know where you stand.
2006-09-11 14:25:06 · answer #9 · answered by Yoda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell bill, that your uncomfortable around his wife. and you really like to hang out with him . maybe you hang out somewhere else do a guys night out. and if he asks why tell him that you think his wife trends to treat him like s**t when you guys are around and wants all the attention for herself. say maybe she's not that way when were not around. he may get mad, or he already knows. or you can do what you've been doing lying to him. just let him know were buds forever if you need me. and see what happens
2006-09-11 14:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by plummer7cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋