What do you do when your husband is self concious about his body and will not make love to you?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 months and he is always making excuses about why he doesn't want to make love. He was a virgin until our wedding night and we have only had 7 encounters that I would actually call making love even if it only lasted 5 mintues. This can't be normal. I am looking for answers or other women who may have the same problem

Answer 1

You really didn't explain to us how he is self conscious of his body.

I'm thinking that if your love making sessions last only five minutes, and that he was a virgin before your wedding night, then it is possible he's feeling inadequete because of his sexual performance.

There is no easy way to deal with this specific problem, because it has absolutely everything to do with the fragile male ego.

You need to convey to him how much you love him. How much you enjoy being with him sexually, and how much it means to you to be able to express your love to him with sexual intimacy.

I too married a virgin. I also am familiar with some of the issues you are going through.

There are exercises he can do, which will strengthen the pelvic muscles and will also help increase his stamina.

While in the shower, or after his bath, he will need to obtain an erection. He will then need to drape a wet hand towel over the erection (the wet towel acts as a weight). Next, he will need to concetrate on the muscles needed to move the towel up and down to the count of three. In time, he will increase the time and repetitions of this. This needs to be done every day.

Masturbation. I do not know, nor pretend to guess what your views are on the subject, but I can tell you that if he is willing to masturbate more often, this will also increase his staying power. But he must learn to practice when to stop himself before he reaches his climax, to calm down, and to then continue. Working to be able to last longer.

He might not be keen on this, but it is certainly true - the more sex you have, the more he'll learn to last. But again, like I said above concerning masturbation, he must learn to calm himself down and try to control his orgasm, trying to hold off as long as possible.

You could offer to help him in this by occasionally giving him a hand job (keeping the same rules in mind and asking him to let you know when he his close). This can also be done with oral sex, which can be even more of a challenge to him because of the increased sexual pleasure.

Perhaps you could suggest that he help you reach your climax before you've even had penetration? There are many other methods (as I'm sure you're aware of) that he could use to help you become satisfied even before he's entered you. This will empower him with the sense that he can cause you that ultimate pleasure and encourage him to continue, knowing that you've been pleased (at least once) before you begin actually having intercourse.

If his issues are not about the above mentioned, then perhaps it goes deeper than this. Perhaps he's experiencing discomfort during or after sex (perhaps his testicles ache - as one example) and he is embarrassed to tell you?

What is first and foremost important is discussing this with him, as gently as possible, to find out exactly what might be going on. The entire time, you must be careful in your tone, but not babying. It is a very tight rope to walk on, trust me.

If his issues are what I have been talking about, then attempt to introduce him to my suggestions. Even offer to help him if he's interested.
But let him know, this isn't just his problem. That it isn't really a problem, but something that the two of you need to work on together.

I really hope that my suggestions help. Feel free to contact me if you would like moral support, from one wife to another.
Good luck.

Answer 2

You have two things going here the first sounds like he was abused or as a young person made fun of his penis size. As far as making love to you goes. How do know that he was he was a virgin. It is a litle hard to tell about a man. Just say for argument sake he did have sex a few times and he was put down about how he did it that could leave a mark on a men especially a young men. A man's menly hood means a lot to a men that's whats makes them men.The second part he could be gay and useing you as a front so nobody would know about it. I think you need to sit down with him and have a long talk and maybe even get some professional help

Answer 3

just tell him you love him.. I am 340pounds, with a very large belly... very self concious.. my wife to be is 135 pounds of 5'9" blonde babe.. she loves me for the man I am, not the man I show..
tell him you are excited about him, cuddle him often, tell him he turns you on, and the most exciting thing you could do is make love to him.. when he feels you are truthful ( to over come the shame) he will respond.. I did.. my wife and I do it every day, and it is amazing.. but it took me 5 months to get over the "she's out of my league" impotence and fear problem.. be patient.. if he is a man worthy of you, he will come around, but you must nurture..

Answer 4

I have my husband always worries about his body, and appearance, bad luck for us, lady! I try to make him feel comfortable and stop worry about body and appearance, take the time he will change, depend on our patience

Answer 5

Come in the room while he is there. Make sure that you are completly naked. Start touching yourself. Don't let him touch you. Keep on until you reach _rgasm. The ask him if he wants his turn.

Answer 6

Is it possible that your husband is gay? Perhaps he is too embarrassed to come out and he is using you as a front. He probably does love you, but not in a 'sexual way'. I really don't know of any guy who would turn down sex with a willing partner.

Answer 7

U act like a stripper and strip for him he will see a body part him met like

Answer 8

get a new husband you diffently got a lemon

Answer 9

Do you think maybe he's been abused? If not, tie him up!

Answer 10

He sounds gay.