Advice-Am I doing the right thing? Child support 4 baby?

Question

Hi everyone! - I don't know if this yahoo place is a reliable source for advice, but I would like the opinions and hear your experiences, if any. I've already talked with Family Law lawyers - so I have professional - professional legal advice. Now, I just want to know from everyday ppl what you think. -- I have a beautiful baby girl of 9 months. Her father and I aren't together. He doesn't want anything to do with us. He hasn't seen her at all and now his entire family is involved in trying to get him out of paying for child support. I have filed for full custody/support/and even offering him visitation, even though he wants 0% visitation. I feel it's the right thing for me to keep the door open for my baby to know who her bio father is and when she is older she can make the decision if shes wants to be involved with him or not. I don't want to deny that option for her. With that, it's up to him to make a positive or negative impact in her life. Right now, his actions..cont.

negative since he hasn't developed a relationship with her and let alone seen her. His step mother has threatened me and tries to make me feel guilty about having the baby, saying it was my choice to have brought her in this world, it's my responisibilty to raise her. Yes, its my responsibility and it was my choice and he did want me to have an abortion but he also knew I medical reason why I could NOT have an abortion and I wasn't goint to put my baby up for adoption, when I knew and now have provided everything I can for her - best everything! Why should I feel guilty for his immaturity and irresponsiblity? Why am I the one that is the bad and mean person when I'm just trying to do what's right for my child? Sure I drop the child support part and just get full custody? Lawyers and other presitigous professional people tell me NO - the CS is for her and I'll need it for daycare/school/clothing/extra things for her and that's what I intend for it to be for....cont..

I just don't want to be the mean person and don't want no more drama. I am way too busy for that.

One more thing-I'm not forcing him to do anything. I have stated in my declaration to the courts we had a brief relationship. However, I just want to do what's right for my daughter. - We have a hearing date shortly. I understand he can't give up all his parental rights, etc, etc...but he can't get out of paying child support in the state of california. I just don't know what I should do. The less custody and visitation or no visitation he has, the more the cs. I don't want them to take him for all he has, because he doesn't make much. But I guess on the flip side, he'll have to live with that, right?

I know it's more rambling but I love all your opinions. - This refers to the last answer. Thank you babe. - That's exactly what I intent to do with his portion. I have opened a trust fund for my daughter and it will be for her. Every month I put what I can in. It will also help with her most expensive activities - daycare/gyms/etc.... I do have f/t job so I obviously cover the majority of her needs. -

Just a refresh update to person leele - Actually, he knew from the get go about my medical problems. He knew everything, but he choses to not pay attention or care and of course he did not tell his family these little details and they will never know. SO he very much was aware of a whole lot, that's what makes everything frustrating. He understood everything before, until all the legal stuff started.

Yea -I was going to file for harassment against the family and him, but I believe it's petty and don't want to waste my time on that route. It's typical extended family mess and him being immature. But I just don't think she should be denied him, as well as his family. His sister adores her niece./

Answer 1

He got you pregnant and left, you should keep on and make him pay child support, you should not have to do it alone. Do whatever you have to, but get him to take care of his responsibility, just because he wants nothing do do with her does not mean he should not have to pay for her. If he didn't want the responsibility HE should have wore a condom. Good Luck, you will find a good man, eventually.

Answer 2

Well, the baby may have come out of you, but it takes two to tango, sweetie. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Maybe total visitation rights aren't best for the child at this point, however, because he may do something stupid. Supervised visitation would be a wise decision, for the well-being of a child that can't tell you what happened with daddy.

He may never come around, unfortunately, but you are being alot more respectable than some mothers about the father issues. My father was never allowed to see me, and still can't see my sister, because that's what my mother wanted. My husband pays $700 dollars a month on a McDonald's salary because that's what his ex-wife asked the court for. These aren't dead-beat dads, they just got the raw end of the deal.

You're entitled to the help, but try not to depend on it. If you can live without it, try putting everything you get in child support in a bank account for college for your daughter.

P.S.- Don't fear the daddy or his family. Courts almost always rule in the mother's favor unless she's unfit. And don't let anyone tell you that she's just your responsibility.

Answer 3

I am actually going through the same thing right now. If you want him to help support the baby, then go a head and make him pay child support. If you don't need his money to help support the baby, then get full custody (which you have all the rights and he would have none). Just because you have full custody does not mean you can't allow him to see your baby (it's totally up to you). She can still know who her biological father is and still decide to see him if she wants. You can't force him to see your daughter, because then she is going to know and feel hurt that he doesn't want any part of her. The only thing with full custody is he would not have to pay child support. Besides if he doesn't want anything to do with her, then maybe it's a good thing if he is not in her life. Good luck- from a single Mom (my ex doesn't support my daughter or see her either, but I find it better that he isn't in her life. Look at it this way you don't have to share her at Christmas or other holidays)

Answer 4

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. In my many years working in child care I can tell you a few things. One document every thing! Keep a notebook by your phone. When you call him and offer visits write it down. If you ever get mean messages or have issues with his family keep every thing. Do not argue with his family or him. If he says no to visits just drop it and write it down. Two, when you get to court make sure your lawyer asks about a form (I don't remember what it's called) that either allows or doesn't allow the father or his family to pick up your child from daycare or school (I know it's early for school) I had to release a child to her father once because we didn't have this form. He took his child to another state before the mom could find him. I don't say that to scare you but protect yourself and your child. This man might not be a bully, or anything like that. But you never know what people will do. Hope this helps you. Good luck things like this are never easy. I hope you and your sweet baby girl have a great easy going life. Good luck

Answer 5

As much as I can tell it appears you are doing the right thing.....you should continue to pursue the child support. It will help your daughter. I am sorry about what happened.....In my opinion if he was "man" enough to bang you he should be responsible for those actions. Everyone knows that this could happen. There is no 100% "safe" way. Less both of you had previously agreed that an abortion would be the way you would take you are doing the right thing. She is your babe and you have the right to keep her no matter what his family said to you. Well I hope that it works out for you and her.....Maybe someday he'll come around and be that positive influence. Best to you.

Answer 6

The decision is ultimitely yours. By taking support money, you will be leaving a door open for him to be part of your life and, if he decides, your child's as well. This means his family comes along as well. If this man truely wants nothing to do with the child, and his family is attacking you, then cutting off any option of his having a say may be the best option for both of you. You'll have his name to give your child when she is older and she can choose to find him or not. This man does not sound like he is ready or willing to be a father and even if the court orders payments, I would truely think he will make life difficult for you before he pays a dime. Be careful..be smart..and in the end be safe and happy.

Answer 7

Congratulations on having a beautiful daughter! I'm sure she's going to have a wonderful life and bring you much joy. As for her father, well, as the old saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." In my opinion, you are very right (and have a very mature outlook) to keep the door open for him to have a part in your daughter's life. She will respect you for it when she gets older, regardless of her father's choice. If he chooses to have no contact with her, he will be the one to suffer in the end, not you and not your daughter. As for the financial child support, I feel that since it takes two to make a baby, both parties should be involved in at least financial support. He did his part, obiously had a good time doing it and now, he needs to do his part in making sure she has everything she needs. That's just my opinion, though. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

Well your child deserves the support payments and the money would go too her health and development. I think he should pay because regardless if you did not get an abortion or place the child for adoption he still fathered the child. If he did not want to be a father he should have taken greater steps to make sure the child was not conceived. It is irrelevant how the child got here now she is here its time for him to pay. You do the crime you pay the fine. Thats my opinion on it.

Answer 9

he definitly should pay you child support. it takes two to make a baby he has to own up to his responsibility. Even if he didn't want the baby he know the risks before he hauled his pants down now he has to pay. Don't let the fact that he's a low life father get you down. your the one who has a beautiful daughter to grow with . your the one who will be there for her first steps and first words and first day of school it's his lose and someday he will regret it. As far as his family goes it's none of there business he's a big boy it's between you and him and if I were you i'd tell them to stop the harrasement or you'll take legel action on that as well. I believe it is o.k to let your daughter have the choice when she gets older whether she wants to be with him or not because if you don't she may blame you for not knowing her father also if he does come around and want to have visitation becareful because kids are gulable and easy to brain wash and if he and his family are dirty enough they may try to turn your daughter against you saying that you are the bad guy. but my advice to you is SOAK THAT A**HOLE FOR ALL HE"S GOT.

Answer 10

Trust me youre doing the right thing. You didnt have that baby alone and shouldnt support it alone. Look into your baby's eyes and imagine your life without her. Can't,can you. He's missing out not that baby. That baby is better off because she needs only love and happiness in her young years. Not stress and negativity. Let him walk away if he wants to. You have your hands full now raising a respectable woman. You have to teach her to be strong and independent. She must also know that men are not guranteed. Nothing will make a man stay except that man wanting to be there. So keep your head up and raise that baby without that sperm donor.