My ex wife and I used to drink quite a bit while married. Now I have slowed down and willing to stop drinking all together to win her back. I can and always have been able to drink in moderation but with her it was always drink til you puke or pass out. This ALWAYS caused problems usually because she would go out while I was at work and come home COMPLETELY trashed at 5 or 6 AM. Now she is completely sober and drug free after ( almost 9 months) and I am MORE than willing to give it up too. I have custody of our three kids ages 12, 8, 7. I really want this to work and have never given up on her. In fact, I have never been willing to commit to a serious relationship in the 8 years we've been divorced. We've both changed so much and have forgiven each other for our past mistakes ( I was no angel either). Is it worth another shot or would it just screw up the kids' minds?
2006-09-11 13:27:48 · 19 answers · asked by spedtrap 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I were in your shoes I would explore it. Especially if she was in a 12 step program. You may even look in to the 12 step program for friends and family members and build your marriage around a lifestyle of recovery. Moreover, in so doing actually teach your children the values of maintaining absence, commitment, faith, loyalty, perseverance, forgiveness, hope and love.
I am divorced from my wife although there remains a spiritual bond or connection between us. Here are my thoughts on that:
When we married we entered into a 3 way agreement between she and I and God. And in that union of marriage a part of her became a part of me and vise verse. That part was spiritual.
Later that evening, we signed the marriage license, thus entering in to a partnership agreement recognized by the state. When we divorced the courts ended the partnership agreement.
However, the state lacked the power and authority to undo that which God had done and that was in regards to the two shall become one on a spiritual level.
I don't think this applies to everyone. Some may not have the spiritual capacity to enter in to a spiritual contract and thus there marriage is governed solely by the state by virtue of the marriage license.
However, that does not seem the case with you, pursuant to what you have shared. If you are connecting to what I have written then perhaps you will connect with the reference I listed below as well.
Good luck to you and God Bless.
2006-09-11 13:31:05 · answer #1 · answered by quarterton2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Date. Date. Then consider it. Its always worth a shot. Just let the kids know that you've always loved her and will make the effort to see if its possible that you can be together again. Downplay it and do not get their hopes up. This might be an opportunity to show that you have a commitment to marriage even though you have not been together. Just be honest when you are dealing with the kids. They understand more than you think they do.
It is how you live which teaches your children and not what you say. They learn from your example. Teach them forgiveness and tolerance and they will be a lot better off in the long run.
2006-09-11 14:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wonderful that the both of you have turned your lives around. I also think that your children deserve to have the two of you back together if you still love one another. You have the hard part over with, you have forgiven each other. That's the first step. Just make sure that you talk it through with each other. You don't want to get together again, then.... split up yet again cause it didn't work. I think your both on the road to recovery. Just know that you will have to give up drinking all together. She doesn't need to be around that while trying to stay sober. I know you know this, but better to say it. I say go for it. I'm sure your kids would be thrilled to have their parents back together again. I believe in second chances. Everyone deserves them no matter what they have done.
2006-09-11 15:21:07 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its worth a shot . I know from personal experiance that nothing comes easy. I think its wonderful that you would give up drinking completely for your ex wife. My parents were about the same way when it came to drinking and my dad was abusive. My parents split and i was moved back and forth between houses for years. THAT was hard, but when my parents got back together. It was almost a sigh of relief because the fact they were both my parents and I didnt have to fight for time with either of them. I think it could be a good thing if you and your ex made things work for your kids. Its always best to have a safe sober home to with ALL your family there to support you. I hope you can win her back and start a new sober life together.
Good luck
2006-09-11 13:34:32 · answer #4 · answered by upsidedown1783 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I suppose you recognize the reply to your query. All you want is for us to validate your option. You can't reply your own question extra actually then this: I wasn't happy for the longest time and divorced him. I'm not sure what makes you think it won't work out between you and your bf considering the fact that as you might have mentioned so naturally: i've been with a new man and i like him so much and i am pregnant together with his baby. Should you do, actually, truly love this man, you're going to have the option to make it work. You do not must minimize yourself to your exes stage and marry him simply on the grounds that he is shut and willing and you do not need to be alone in the course of the pregnancy. You don't love him which is very evident in view that you certainly not once recounted any style of affection and even liking closer to him. You understand he will no longer change. He could for a number of weeks when and in case you decide to come back to him but it is not going to final. It under no circumstances does. He'll return to his historic self or maybe even turn out to be worse. You mentioned "he'll promise to make me completely happy this time." Why did not he make you completely satisfied the first time and what makes you believe this time will be any special? It is not going to, I promise you. Your ex will not be damage. He's simply looking you back seeing that you've gotten determined anybody else to love and he doesn't want to see you glad. He's taking part in along with your feelings and you might be letting him get away with it. It appears you are readily manipulated with the aid of your ex. I will be able to see why your bf is upset. Would not you be if your bf had an ex he used to be fascinated by getting again with and dumping you? He has a cause to be bothered by means of your exes behavior and i believe he is correct in telling you to discontinue speakme to him until it's about your youngsters. He is not being selfish in any respect. He's seeing what you may have blinded your self to see. He loves you which of them is greater than i will say about your ex.
2016-08-09 14:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by harting 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations!! I think you and your wife may have found your lives back. Just remember the hard road she traveled getting sober. You both are going to need lots of counseling through out this. This turn around is wonderful. You do need to stay sober and not drink around her even in moderation. Keep on going to AA programs and any support for your family. Good Luck, God Bless.
2006-09-11 13:36:12 · answer #6 · answered by galbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both are willing to try and make it work; then go for it. I think it would be great for your children if you two can get back to together. Nothing beats having parents together unless of course there is abuse or anything dangerous going on. Good luck.
2006-09-11 13:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always go slow, and get into therapy if you really want to be serious about it. My parents broke up and then got back together after 3 years, and that really screwed me up. So make sure you don't let them know until you're ready to be committed together.
2006-09-11 13:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by ballybabt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is definately worth a shot, if she is willing! Believe, as a person who has lived through a almost divorce, kids are always wishing for the reconcilitiation. just be lowkey at first- family dinners and such. see how it goes. if all is well, get more serious and talk to ur kids. explain wut happened and be honest. just dont give them any false hopes
2006-09-11 13:31:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
give it another shot it sounds like you have both corrected your ways, if you still care for her after 8 years you will never stop caring it is good to hear that people are still like this in some places
good luck i hope it all works out for you both
2006-09-11 13:34:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋