Say two people don't love each other any more or just can't stand to live together anymore. They've admitted it to themselves and each other. They want to move on, to form truly fulfilling adult relationships with other people, but they have children together.
Should the family unit be preserved or should they go their separate ways and work out a custody arrangement?
What do you think would be better for the children in the long run?
2006-09-11 13:18:17 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My goodness, I'm not thinking about getting divorced! I saw someone ELSE commenting on the subject and thought I'd ask the question to see where everyone stands. Don't worry, you don't have to advise me as this isn't an issue for me. I just want to hear everyones opinion.
2006-09-11 13:25:10 · update #1
If you stay together because you think it is better for the kids, you are fooling yourself. If you stay together, what example are you setting for them? That marriage is supposed to be miserable? Are you subjecting them to tension, anger, fighting? Why is this a good environment to raise kids in?
You may find that if you split up, you can actually have a better, friendly relationship with your ex than if you stay together - and you don't have to expose your kids to decades of dysfunction.
2006-09-11 13:21:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi
I would ask if there is abuse in this relationship, if there is, then NO. Even a name calling session is not good for the kids to see. As to the parenting, you both are responsible and it's not who has custody that decides what is to be done, kids will use the one against the other to try and get what they want.
When my first wife and I divorced I acted just like every one else did, then I realized that the only one I was hurting was me and that it had to stop then and there, my wife and I just didn't see eye to eye any more and that's all. the rest was easy, we both raised our son and now he has two mothers and he loves both, my ex and I have a very good relationship and my new wife and her get along very good, in fact they have been shopping together several times. You have to work at it and not let the problem get between either of you - and yes you do BOTH need to have a life of some sort..
2006-09-11 13:37:14 · answer #2 · answered by roger s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what the person is talking about that said yes, because I saw a study that said it isn't always a good idea. If the parents can stay together and portray a united front for the kids that's great and would be a great way to go (however how will they feel when they learn it was all a lie) but I think if you are unhappy in a relationship it will show and the children will sense it and wonder why is everyone so miserable and possibly even blame themselves. I think if you are unhappy with someone you should not subject your children to that day in and day out. Try to maintain a cordial relationship and keep the children as your main priority.
2006-09-11 13:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't you love how everyone initially thinks it's about the person asking the question? Anyway, if both parties are in agreement that the relationship is over, let it end. Before anyone moves out or on with their lives tho, sit down with the kids and explain the situation to them. Stress to them it is not their fault, mum and dad still love them, that mum and dad still like and respect (big one to stress) each other but are no longer "in love" (this is also very good to emphasize because a person can still love someone even if they are not in love with them and will be easier to reassure the children that the parents can and will always love them), and that the parties need to reside in seperate homes. As in all separations involving children, the children MUST come first.
2006-09-11 14:12:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Children recognize when their parents don't love each other, you need to get a divorce and as you stated work out a custody and child support deal. Because house without love is the worst thing I could think of you need to find someone else and so does he, Everybody deserves to be happy and have someone they really love and enjoy being with all the time. Children grow up and leave and you'll be to old to divorce and also their will be grand kids.
2006-09-11 13:30:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. I grew up raised by my mother and stepfather and all was just fine.
I was married for over 10yrs with children, and things began to go sour the last few years. I stayed with him because of the children but I was terribly unhappy and no longer loved him. And tho there was no badmouthing or abuse of any kind, our children could tell that my husband and I were not happy. There was no romance, no intimacy, I even began sleeping in another bedroom-I didn't want him even touching me anymore.
I have since found my "soulmate" my true-love, and am head over heels in love and have never been happier. Had I stayed with my ex, I would still be desperately unhappy and my children would still know it and I would have missed out on this love I have found that is so deep and so passionate and so true.
No, it is not a good idea to stay together just for the children's sake.
2006-09-11 14:21:45 · answer #6 · answered by moniquebell 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If that is the case then they should indeed spit up and share custody rights. It's not healthy for the kids or the parents. Youd think that it would be a good idea but it's only going to make your life a hell hole lol. Why stay in something you are not satisfied with...You should want to make your life great too. That's life, no one is guarenteed a great marriage-this is not a fairy tale. Things happen...love life fades, no more sparks. That's fine. It would just be unfair for you two to remain together if both partie are not happy. That owuld be like punishing yourself. You will find that you are much happier with your life once spiltted, that will also reflect outwards and you will be happier when with the children. It's good that you 2 are mature enough to realize his and be opened about it. Now put action into planning and do what is best-and that is to go your seperate ways. Good luck :)
2006-09-11 13:23:11 · answer #7 · answered by NO♥NAME 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NEVER blame the children for an inability to separate and move on. The children will not thank you. Your tension and drama will hurt them for a lifetime.
Agreeable divorce is an oxymoron in most cases, but if both parties can agree, work out a custody plan and support the children, the children are much better off than in a loveless household.
2006-09-11 13:22:48 · answer #8 · answered by Chris 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no i honestly can say that they should break it off while the children are still young, because my parents stopped caring for each other when i was about 6 and they stayed together for me and my 2 brothers, i am 17 now and 5 months ago they seperated, and they made us all choose sides and split up, and it was some of our decision and choice too because we were older, if they had done it along time ago then it would have been fine, it is so hard. it was so hard for me to move away and leave my family. but when i was little i wouldnt have had an opinion on it. now i blame myself, and i have noticed my alcohal intake has increased alot. its so hard to deal with, now i just want to get away from everyone all together, so no. dont wait it out. see what i mean?
2006-09-11 13:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In the long run, a custody arrangement will have to work. it will devastate the children and obviously it is a sad thing to watch them go through divorces, but it is better to separate than stay and end up shooting or stabbing each other(that would be a worse memory for the children, I think).
2006-09-11 13:21:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
In the long run, in my opinion, it is better for the children if you separate.
They will pick up on the fact that you two don't like each other anymore and that's not good for anyone.
Make a custody arrangement whereby the kids get equal time with each parent, ie. one week with you, one week with him. If everyone is happy,they will be happy.
2006-09-11 13:20:26 · answer #11 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋