our marraige was in shambles. so i told my woman that other women were hitting on me (which was my only lie "ever" to her). now our sex and homelife are better than ever with no end in sight. we do more together (even the housework), the kids are happier, no more arguing, and sex is totally outa this world. i want to feel guilty about lying but can't. was it really THAT wrong to lie when something so good came out of it? this was life changing...for the better. please advise me.
2006-09-11 13:16:13 · 11 answers · asked by pete cochino 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
So long as you know that a lie is a lie and will always be, in your case it made things work positively for you. So long as your intent was not to hurt or cause damage in your relationship, then I would suggest you not burden yourself with guilt. Do your part though to work on your relationship daily...and not use the result of the lie to try and make any other influences by lying, but by being honest and up front. Also, concentrate on making yourself a better person ( not as a result of the initial lie) because it will ultimately help in continuing your maturity, developing your character and ultimately be a defining positive in insuring your continued happiness.
I am happy for you that you and your family are enjoying happier moments.
2006-09-11 13:34:25 · answer #1 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, for you everything has improved. But you do realize you more than likely scared your wife? You planted a seed in her mind, that you are very much aware of the fact that women are interested in you (even though you admit to us that this is a falsehood) and what was unspoken - and I might just be temped to take up on that offer.
Now admittedly, it sounds like things have improved. Sort of an eye opening for her that perhaps she better straighten up or lose a good thing. Then again, this is only guess work because we only know your side of the story.
But, think about that false seed you planted. It could possibly take root and grow. The stress and fear of needing to (possibly) bend over backwards to keep you pleased so that you will not stray will eventually wear down upon her.
This life altering experience you say has happened, what benefits has she received (if any) from it?
You noticed a change in her, but have you noticed the change in yourself? She might have taken that first step to try to improve things, (when you lied to her about other women's interest) but have you noticed that it goes full circle? She's nice to you, gives you more sex, so this makes you dapper and happy, and more willing to help her out with the kids, and the housework ... Things that you probably didn't help her with in the first place. Did you help with the kids? Did you help simply clean up after dinner, before your lie took place?
Perhaps every day life, and your (possible) lack of assitance began to cause stress (and maybe resentment) in your wife to make her uninterested in sex. Perhaps your idea of foreplay was generally lacking, (if not nonexistant) and that, coupled with life in general, caused your wife to be not as intersted in you as you would have wanted.
Again, all guess work on my part.
If you want to keep this new found happiness that you believe to be "no-ending", don't lie to her again. Help her with the kids and the housework. Actually perform more than the kiss and grab as foreplay. And remind her every day exactly how lucky YOU are to have her!
That will work far better than any "white" lie.
2006-09-11 20:33:16 · answer #2 · answered by eedoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard of the study of ethics? It is about the means justifying the result.
It seems like you are suffering over something that was just said maybe in jest. Now that you have results you want to sabotage things and over analyze your intentions.
Do you really think that one little statement has such power over your relationship? If it does then you need to think about how the two of you communicate.
It might be that by you saying that you yourself did more in the relationship to make it better and in turn she too changed. I would say let it go and if it eats away at you just tell her about it. It might be that she doesn't even remember the converstion. Often humans put way too much into a brief moment in life.It seems like your defination of a lie might be more intense than other peoples defination. Also everything that goes through your brain doen't need to come out of your mouth.
Maybe ask this question in the ethic area of this Yahoo Answers place.
2006-09-11 20:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone lies, and their are positive lies and negative lies. the positive lies being the ones you use to help or save someone or better a situation without hurting anyone. A negative lie is one that hurts people, and causes problems.
If your lie really didn't hurt anyone, and you know for a fact that it won't then your fine. But if it has or does hurt someone in the furture, like your wife, it's bad. It depends on how you told her what you did when you said other girls hit on you. Only you can be the judge.
By the way, anyone who says they don't lie, or has never lied, or think they are above lying, is a hypocrite. Your human, so you will lie, sometimes, even when you think your telling the truth. And if you had to lie to save one million peoples lives without hurting anyone else, that lie was harderly terrible or evil.
Just my opinion, so again, you be the judge.
2006-09-11 20:17:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea no lie is right. I mean it doesn't matter how many times it seems like it was good but it's not. that's the way lies work they make you seem like everything is good but then in the end it might end up worse then it started out. if i was you i would tell whatever happen to her and then just go from there
2006-09-11 20:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by polobaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it was a lie. But I would keep it to yourself. There's no need to know factor here on this one. Congratulations on being closer to your wife. That's always a good thing. So, the lie still wasn't good but you didn't have to pay any negative consequences so don't push your luck. Have fun!
2006-09-11 20:22:28 · answer #6 · answered by mamaloo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah it was bad to lie , even if the result was good
I guess you needed the ego boost maybe.
What will you do and say and think when she says guys have been hitting on her? Will you believe her? Why or why not?
2006-09-11 20:19:06 · answer #7 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how you dress it up all lies are ugly. You should have talked with her about whatever was bugging you not make her feel insecure about herself. It's great that you benefited from it but it still doesn't make it right.
2006-09-11 20:19:32 · answer #8 · answered by Sparkle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abraham lied when he was in egypt about his wife, but god rebuked him.
Your lie was beneficial though.
2006-09-11 20:25:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a little white lie perhaps
2006-09-11 20:18:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋