How to handle living with a roommate that steals? My boyfriend's friend's girlfriend is a thief!?

Question

To set the scene... my boyfriend owns the apartment and I live with him along with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. I live there only to help out financially, otherwise I'd take my 900 a month I give him and get my own place. Now to the problem. His rude roommate and his trashy girlfriend live there as well and do things such as leave dirty dishes around, always leaves the front door open and unlocked when leaving, and other little annoyances. The biggest problem is that for the past 8 weeks I've lived there she's been stealing my stuff. Just this past weekend I found a pair of my oh so pretty victoria's secret underwear sticking out of her dirty pants in the bathroom, which led me into her room where I found 6 of my shirts, a pair of shorts, 1 bra, 2 lacy "items" from victoria's secret, one of which she chopped up and used in her scrapbook. I honestly want to keep peace in the house but I can't stand to even look at her let alone speak to her or be friendly. What do I do?

To set the scene... my boyfriend owns the apartment and I live with him along with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. I live there only to help out financially, otherwise I'd take my 900 a month I give him and get my own place. Now to the problem. His rude roommate and his trashy girlfriend live there as well and do things such as leave dirty dishes around, always leaves the front door open and unlocked when leaving, and other little annoyances. The biggest problem is that for the past 8 weeks I've lived there she's been stealing my stuff. Just this past weekend I found a pair of my oh so pretty victoria's secret underwear sticking out of her pants in the bathroom, which led me into her room; I found 6 of my shirts, a pair of shorts, a pair of shoes, 1 bra, 2 lacy "items" from victoria's secret, one of she chopped up and used in her scrapbook. I honestly want to keep peace in the house but I can't stand to even look at her let alone speak to her or be friendly. What do I do?

Oops I screwed up on that last additional detail thing. Anyway... to answer some of your questions... I live with him. the lease is in his name only. I live with him because I'm not sure yet if I want to get a year lease on a place by myself. I guess I'm waiting on either his lease to be up (December) so we can get a place together alone, or I'll just get my own place and hope he'll move in with me and leave them to that apartment but he thinks they won't be able to handle the lease and they probably won't be able to. It's hard for me to live with roommates, especially ones that have no respect for me or my personal items. I initially was so angry with her but then it turned more into hurt and I was upset that someone that has been friendly with me would be doing those things behind my back. Once I even saw her wearing my boots and she said "oh they were a christmas gift" when i commented that I had a pair just like them. I guess maybe I'm naive but it's hard to imagine people do this.

The problem is that I have no pull in the situation. It's not my place to go kicking them out of it. Technically, I've only been living there since July, and she's been there a week longer than me but his friend has been there since April. They kinda have this whole "bro's before ho's" attitude, so if it came down to it, it would be him before me. He already knows, I told him and he told me that she's been spoken to, in fact she apologized to me but I've been told that I need to just suck it up and leave it in the past. If soething more happens then they're deal with it but at this point it's in everyones best interest to remain cordial and just focus on day to day things.
I called her out on it yesterday because I told her that her apology of "I'm sorry I borrowed your stuff and forgot to give it back" was bullshit and all that it did was cause a fight between my boyfriend and I, and his roommate and I. I'm the victim yet everyone is upset with me. I know I need to just move out.

Answer 1

Why are you and your boyfriend tolerating this? Have they signed a lease? If they have I'm sure your boyfriend could get out of it. I'd make him choose, you or the roommates.

Answer 2

Good Lord!!! I would lock up all my stuff if i were you. Also it would be good if you were to be able to kick the friend out of the house along with the girlfriend. Does your man know this is happening to you? If so, shouldn't he feel violated that someone underneath his roof is stealing from his woman? Your man should really take care of this situation being that he owns the place and that's his friend that lives there.

Now if you cant do the normal things to get a person to move.. i.e. communicating etc.. then maybe its time to put this girl in her place and start giving her a little taste of her own medicine or maybe start making it uncomfortable for the friend and girlfriend to live w/ you guys, be imaginative.

Bottomline if you cant feel safe in your own house for fear something might get stolen, destroyed, etc. then its not a home and you must do what it takes to fix it. Confront her.

Answer 3

Oh girl... you can't live with a b*tch like that, so move out! Does your boyfriend knows about this? If he does, then he needs to correct the problem (whatever that works) talk to his friend, or talk to the girl do something to let them know it's going to get nasty. Install a tiny camera in your room, noone should know about it, not even your boyfriend... he might slip. After catching her, call the cops and have her skanky a** arrested. Keep all your receits of all your purchases... to prove that all those items are yours. Don't take back the Victris's Secret.. she might be very dirty and you might catch a disease. Be very firm and serious... don't let her PUNK you around. Get some respect from people around you or else kick them out. Also, if you need roomates to help pay the rent, don't get an expensive place because having unwanted roomates can be worse than having a smaller or not as nice of a place. If all of these advice doesn't work... move out like I said, you'll be much happier. Your boyfriend needs to do some serious thinking and acting as well. It is his job to protect you and your belonging... as well as your feeling as well. Girlie, be strong and tough. Let them know who's the boss.

Answer 4

That sucks! I would be so frustrated.

First, put a lock on your door! That would be my first move. I know the injustice of having to lock your door in your own home sucks, but if you really want to help your firend out with rent then a lock would be a best bet.

Next, I might talk to your friend, the owner. Tell him you really dont want to move out but you really need some help dealing with this situation. Dont bad mouth his friend though, cause otherwise he might get his guard up to. Maybe you could both sit down with his friend, without his girlfriend present and have a talk about the situation.

Keep cool no matter what! People put thier guards up and tend to shut down when cornered with insults and stuff.

I totally know all those little annoying things about room mates...which is why we dont have them anymore,lol. You will never get away with not having those annoying things happen till you live on your own or someone with your same house keeping senses. I once had to deal with getting woken up at 3 am listening to my roomates gf's screaming while they uh..you know. Until you move out on your own I think all you can do is say polite reminders here and there but otherwise, I think you have to deal with it a little

However, there should be no settling for your stuff being stolen. If you guys cant come to some sort of agreement then I would say to tell the owner that either his friend cleans up his act and his girlfriend or, though you are very sorry but going to have to move out.

Good luck!

Answer 5

So, he had someone make some porn pic for him, with her face on the body? That's priceless. What an idiot. Oh well, I guess it takes all kinds to make a world. Anyway, yeah, if it doesn't mean anything to him, it needs to go. I don't understand what you mean by found online, tho? Email? A site? In his email is one thing, the pic being posted on the web is totally a different thing and extremely disrespectful. If it's email, private stuff, then leave it alone. It doesn't matter about telling the husband. What's done is done. If, however, it was posted online for public viewing, yes, tell the husband, and leave the idiot.

Answer 6

Tell ur BF what u have discovered, if he does nothing about it move out with or without him. I'm not telling u to break up with ur BF just get ur own place u certainly can afford it alone. Let him stay in that chaos if he desires, but if u pay $900 I wonder what contribution ur BF makes and if it's anywhere as much as what u contribute then u both can afford a very decent place with $1800 a month. Let the thief know u know she's been stealing though don't let her get away with it. She's nasty if she's been wearing ur underwear clean or dirty. Get rid of the losers.

Answer 7

What in the world do you mean giving him $900 a month for this kind of life? Are you telling me he pays $3600 a month for an apartment????? Where? On the Gold Coast? I can think of lots of places I could live VERY NICELY on a lot less than that and without having roommates around who steal and trash the place. I'd be gone so fast I wouldn't even leave a shadow!!!!

Answer 8

if your boifriend is on a lease there or own's the house, he will have 2 make a choice on who stays an who goes.. a bedroom lock would be a easy answer, but they place is filled with tension now.. let the girl know your clothes and things are not 4 the takings.. don't let her wipe her boots on you.. maybe your only escape is getting your own place because if they do move, they will be back 2 visit.. i really think you have 2 cut the ties with this girl and let her know when she took your things , she broke the trust you had in her and because of that you no longer want 2 be friends with her.. stand up, be strong, she is no longer worthy..

Answer 9

Jesse you pay your share and you deserve a safe environment to live in call a house meeting and tell the whole house that you have a problem with other people wearing your cloths and specially your underwear then bring up the subject that you cant afford to purchase new under wear every time you boy friends mates girl decides to add to her scrap book I mean eew what is with that .

Or just pull her aside ask her if she has a genetal rash and tell her to get to the clinic because by wearing your underwear she may have contracted your genital herpes lmao aint I a stinker

Answer 10

You need to talk to your boyfriend first and find out what the two of you can do to stop the problem. If that do not work talk with the other girl and find out what her problem is. If none of this work get out and get your own place at nine hundred a mouth I am sure you can find a nice place to live. And any woman that takes your under clothes must really need them and let her have them.

Answer 11

Tell him its them or you and get a lock on your bedroom door. Open your mouth and tell her to stop stealing or you will report her to the police she is doing it because you aren't opening your mouth. If I was that kind of person I would take advantage too. and give her a bill for the things she has stolen. Take pictures so you can prove your case. Or just move out. Then you will not have the problems.