should i tell him what i did?

Question

first off, my boyfriend was madly inlove with his ex. well he started to move on because i told him that if he didn't then i was leaving, well i also told him how to get over her and it seems to be helping and the fact that i am pregnant. well we are currentl living together and i was cleaning while he was at work, well i found old letters and cards she gave him and i burnt them all. i am scared he is going to find out.....what should i do?

Answer 1

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well personally i would of done the same. She is his past there are no reasons for him to hold on to anything that will remind him of her. And another thing is you should tell him that's a good way to see if he's moved on. If he gets very upset then he still have feelings for her and he's not moving on but if he don't get all that upset then you got him and he's moving on just like you wanted him to.

Answer 2

Hopefully you can pull this off and he won't be too upset, but acting before thinking is never good. Girl, tell him it's your pregnancy hormones!!! It's great that he moves on, but you're invating his privacy. Noone has the right to destroy someone's belonglings especially the one you love... even though he should have got rid of all those things himself. Did he hide those things all are they just laying around the house? How does he feel about you snooping around his stuff? If they were hidden, it means he wants to keep it... to remember, tell him as soon as possible... he'll be mad, but he'll move on... because it's gone. If you don't, he'll be furious and he might not forgive you for that... (something he'll bring up everytime you have an argument) Have the gut to tell him and apologize, weather you mean it or you did it by hormones... it's been done, he deserves to know the truth. You're having a child together, he needs to be able to trust you and you should be able to trust him, too. Don't start a fight, see how he acts. Don't be mad that he had all those things... that's his past, nothing wrong with that. You know about his past and how crazy inlove he was with that ex... you can make this work. He can finally let go and move on with his life (and family... which is you) Be sorry but not whimpy... apologize, but don't kiss a**. Admit at the mistake, but don't promise to nothing... it might happend again. Try to understand him and yourself... why he had those things...maybe he just put it away and forgot he had them. Understand yourself why you acted that way. Don't blame it on the hormone this time... you should accept him for who he is... you knew!!! It should be o.kay. Now take a deep breath... and tell him

Answer 3

oh gosh - i feel kinda bad - but i would've done the same thing!!

To be honest sweetie - i don't know how you can wait around for him to get over her. My boyfriend had an ex with allot of history and he had some troubles right at the beginning of our relationship. Basically i told him that i wanted to be with someone that wanted me.....not someone that wanted me the times that he didn't want her. Luckily he is fine now and has no feelings for her. But i think that a moment of jealousy on your behalf is kind of understandable. I'm not sure whether you should tell him though.....i know my man would understand why i did it....but he'd still be cranky that i took it upon myself to go and do something like that to things he owned & i'd guess your man would be much the same. Think about it carefully before telling him - be prepared for him to get cranky - but also try to show him why you did it......you should talk about your insecurities - it really does help if he knows how you feel about it to begin with. Maybe in future, if you come accross something that makes you feel like ripping her eyes out....stop take a deep breath & remember he is with you now....so don't give him any reasons to not love the person you are by being jealous or over protective. Hope my jummble helps a little. Chin up.

Answer 4

Heck no. Don't offer up this information. He'd be an idiot to ask you about it "Babe, have you seen my love letters from my ex girlfriend?" NO! He's not going to bring it up.

Don't ask, don't tell. Telling him will only give him leverage if there are underlying issues. He could use this event as an excuse for another problem and you'll never really know the difference. I'm not one for advocating deceit, but in this instance, nothing good can come from your offering up the fact that you did this. If it ever does come to light and he asks you, then admit it and explain that you were pregnant and hormonal and hurt that he had been keeping them. Then apologize, but only if he is stupid enough to approach you about it. With a child on the way and a relationship with you, he has no business worrying about such trivial things. He needs to be focused on preparing for his child. Aren't there more important things for the two of you to worry about?

Just my opinion.

Answer 5

Well it would be best to tell him because he will eventually know what happened or notice they are missing. Tell him but sit down and tell him the reason u did it and let him know that it upset you that he still has old letters and cards around from his ex and that you think that you guys should sit down and have a talk about the situation, no arguing, no fighting just resolve the problem. When some one you love still has feeling for there ex it can really hurt and let him know that. Good luck.

Answer 6

If you are expecting to be with this man you need to respect him a little more. I can understand why you did it for sure (especially as a pregnant lady), but it was a really selfish thing to do. You are going to have to be a real woman and tell him what you did, that you understand it was a selfish and that you are sorry a million times over.

I had this lover before my husband that I still felt very much in love with for the first few years of my marriage. This guy was like something out of a dream. Though he was great and uber romantic, he didnt have very strong direction in his life and it would have never worked. I still felt very fond of him in my heart.
I ended up in a situation where I met up with this old lover of mine, though I was in a relationship with my hubby (future hubby at that time) and my old flame started getting really romantic and gave me a kiss on a cheek so passionate I almost fainted..You know what I did? I left...There is a reason I am with my hubby just as there is a reason your bf is with you. I totally had feeling for my old ex but I regardless I love my husband and would leave him for no one.

Your bf most likely knows there is a reason he is not with his ex, though maybe he still feels for her. It might take him a little while to let go but if he says he loves you, then he loves you. Eventually his feelings will fade. If you dont trust him however, that is a different issue that you need to address.

You totaly have to fess up and apologize but you can also do something else. Though it is no justification for what you did, let him know you felt insecure, you worry he might leave you and the baby for her. You are afraid for you and the baby and you just need to know he is faithful and loyal to you.

Regardless though, you need to respect his emotions and his past. It is part of being committed to someone.

Good luck

Answer 7

You had no business burning his old letters and cards, but I'm sure you already know that. You did something that is probably going to make him mad, the only thing you can do is appologize and make sure you tell him that you are terribly sorry and realize that what you did was wrong and it would never happen again. I'd own the fact that you acted very immature and your jealousy was completely inappropriate. Admit you were wrong and hope he forgives you...Good luck.

Answer 8

Don't tell him, because trust me, he isn't going to ask you about it. If he does ask you about it act dumbfounded and hurt that he would keep such a thing as a memento and by all means, don't act like you knew about them.

My main concern here is that you mentioned he had trouble moving on from his ex and that the only reason he chose to do so was that you threatened to leave him. Time to reevaluate that relationship poste haste.

And no, you didn't do anything heinous. If he were having a baby with you and starting a life with you he didn't need to be keeping crap like that around anyway.

Answer 9

You need to tell him what you did and explain to him why you did it. If he sticks around after you telling him the truth, then you need to start off again fresh and with a clean slate, no more "memories" and pictures/cards of ex spouses. I don't think that you had the right to burn his stuff, but you did have the right to gather it up and physically confront him with what you found and then talk it through from there (to a possible burning ceremony)

Answer 10

Well, it's not like you can "unburn" them or bring them back. What's done is done. Tell him what you did and hope like hell(pray if you have to) he forgives you. I think maybe a better option (in the first place) would have been to hand him the cards and letters and tell him that if he wants to keep them, to please put them someplace where you don't have to see them. That would have at least given him the option of either putting them away somewhere (safe!), or getting rid of them himself. My guess is (had you not burned them) that he would have eventually gotten rid of the cards and letters on his own - WHEN HE WAS READY. Anyway, since you have already done that for him, just tell him and pray that he forgives you.