i feel like i can never do anything just for myself for long periods of time, not once has a day gone by dat i dont feel the need to help people, i no dat dis can b a positive aspect but not wen people use it to der advantage, any advice on how to focus on myself without the guilt trip?
2006-09-11 12:24:03 · 8 answers · asked by kerryman 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
My bubble was burst today........I feel the same way as you a lot of the time...........after finding out that a prisoner (in a prison ministry) duped me for 200.00 to pay his college tuition, I found out that he never has been enrolled. The director of the college for inmates suggested I buy the book "Games Criminals Play".....not saying I will stop forever....just saying that I will be writing many guys saying that I am taking a leave of absence for a few months. Maybe it is time for me to start treating myself as I treat others.........there are some months that I truly do without to help these men come to know Jesus.....YEAH...starting tomorrow I am going to start a new Bible class and work around my house doing things I needed to do a long time ago.....I AM NOT FEELING GUILTY FOR A SECOND.
2006-09-11 12:33:59 · answer #1 · answered by Cassie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aaaaaahhhh - you're a nice person. That's a great quality. It's nice to be able to help others. I am the same way and I often feel "used" by others because they know I'm kind. I decided to choose a cause (in my case, Special Olympics) and volunteer my time to help there. They get 2-3 of my evenings per week. The other nights are mine. I make sure I get "me time" to enjoy the activities I like - backpacking, mountain biking, running, etc. It's like budgeting your time. I am already helping a great group of people, so I don't feel the need to help everyone in the world. I keep busy with Special Olympics, so others don't ask as much from me. I have time for myself with no guilt.
2006-09-11 19:32:27 · answer #2 · answered by TJMiler 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to understand that you are equally as important as everyone else. And so is your time.
Helping people is great! One of the best things you can do as a human being is to be selfless.
But not everyone is selfless.
If your focusing on helping other people... where's the time for yourself??
Honestly, you are born in this world alone, and you will die in this world alone.
And if you spend all your time focusing on others and not yourself... you are going to be like 65 years old and like, What have I done for myself?? Didnt you want to like, be an ninja archeologist when you were a kid??? or something?
Get in touch with what seems out of reach or what could be the absolute awesomest coolest most fulfilling future that you've always wanted!
Besides it feels good to do something for yourself...
Maybe your afraid of being alone?? Thats why I always helped people.
You need to take time and learn about yourself away from people. Start doing things on your own.
Go get a book or an instrument and play/read it by yourself somewhere... at the beach or in a field...
Learn about yourself.... I bet you'd do awesome things in your future if you'd only take the time to see who you are, what you can do, and how good you are at it!
Oh, and by the way, not only is ninja archeologist a cool future, it is also totally obtainable!!
You can do whatever you want... everything is obtainable... but you are only gonna learn it on your own!
2006-09-11 19:39:15 · answer #3 · answered by the nothing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It feels good to be miserable--it's a "high" for a lot of people---this is a pattern many people live with----(including me). It is called co-dependency, and is often suffered by people who end up in the "helping"professions - nursing, teaching, librarianship, health workers, etc.
It is usually unhealthy---for you, and for them. If you are not alert and serious about your own needs every day, you are not any fun to be with. But if you are self-loving, proud, and sensible about your own wishes and needs, you are fun to be with, and you don't make people feel guilty. You need to create boundaries in your life---people will respect you, and them. If "needy" friends repeatedly demand things from you, say NO. They will soon find someone else to take care of them---they probably have all sorts of other people on-tap to take care of their needs. Take good care of yourself, and you, and they will be much happier.
2006-09-11 19:41:21 · answer #4 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called codependency. You get your image of self worth from the feelings of others rather than from yourself. There are support groups all over the place that can help you. It takes time and a lot of soul searching to learn how to love yourself for who you are rather than for what other people think of you. Good luck.
2006-09-11 19:33:02 · answer #5 · answered by sparkletina 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you do begin to feel guilty,
think what are you feeling guilty about?
who is included?
someone u care about or just someone one u know?
think how did u get into the problem thats making u feel guilty?
ask a friend?
the answers to these questions may help.
2006-09-11 19:28:54 · answer #6 · answered by SAMZ M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps you may feel unaccomplished and selfish.
try completing one selfless act a day and the treat yourself to your hearts content. know that you have done atleast one good deed that day and feel great about it!!
P.S. your sensitivty and care for others is amazing!!! I wish all ppl were like you and not selfless jerks
2006-09-11 19:27:27 · answer #7 · answered by Schlav!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write 500 times:
I will not be used by users.
2006-09-11 19:26:11 · answer #8 · answered by Ever Learn 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋