was forced out of the military. He was at fault and the AF refused to let him reenlist. I love him, I really do, but I see him differently now. This totally has nothing to do with money (military make nothing), I say that because I know 99% of you will automatically think it is. I don't want a divorce, I love him and can not imagine life without him. Help, how do I change my views so I'm not so shallow.
2006-09-11 11:53:05 · 15 answers · asked by jaymesthreebabies 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's kind of difficult to answer without knowing the cirucumstances under which you lost respect for him. If we knew the situation better, maybe we have been in similar situations and would be better equipped to answer the question.
2006-09-11 11:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by A.R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've "lost respect for him," "see him differently," but you "can't imagine life without him"? I would say that you need to choose: Have an honest marriage or keep someone less-than -respectable around for your use and comfort.
In my opinion, you can't have a real marriage without respect and admiration for one another. The incident changed something for you. I don't know what your marriage was based on before it. Maybe your roles were clearly defined and this changes everything. I would make sure that you have evaluated it fairly. I understand that being forced out of the military could seem irresponsible on his part. Maybe you see it as a direct betrayal to your marriage and shirking of his responsibility? If you decide that it was big enough to permanently kill your respect, I would say, cut him loose. It wouldn't be fair to anyone to play pretend.
2006-09-11 19:10:15 · answer #2 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly did he do to make the AF refuse him? He must've done something horrible. I don't know. This is all going to be up to u as he is your husband, not anyone else's and no one knows him better than u do and the only person that can change your views is yourself. Just remember that u promised him for better or worse. Well, this is the "worse" part of that vow and it's going to be all up to u to uphold that promise.
2006-09-11 19:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a big blow to have something like that happen. Give him and yourself some time, I'm sure he's not feeling too great about himself right now either. The important thing is to focus on the future and how he's going to gain respect again, both from you and himself, dwelling on the past won't get you moving forwards. You standing by his side will encourage and strengthen him, don't give up now.
2006-09-11 19:13:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People make mistakes. Sure, I don't know what he did. Thats okay. Forgiveness is medicine. Faith that he will mature or at least learn from his mistakes is a gift. Vocalize your disappoinment and then when you find it within yourself to have faith and to forgive then share that with him too. A man needs to be lifted up and respected. Search your heart and try, for the sake of your husband who you acknowledged that you still want to spend your life with.
2006-09-11 18:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by eileen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him as you say you do then that should mean no matter what he did you should still love him. I would say what you have to do is think of the things that made you love him and just forget the mistake he made. I am sure he is still the same man you fell in love with you just have to remember that.
2006-09-11 18:57:11 · answer #6 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what he did to get forced out of the AF.
2006-09-11 18:58:43 · answer #7 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sugguest. if he wouldn't mind tell him you would really like to go to couple counseling and that it's not your marriage but it's just you would perfer someone to be there to modirate the conversation to understand what is going on with him and you. and the adjustment of him more now and not in the military.
Or tell him that he'll have to re=earn his respect for you . and that if he wants to keep his marriage going that he has to change .
hope this works
2006-09-11 19:02:25 · answer #8 · answered by d_a_truckergal 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if the AF doesnot want him he must have really screwed up-- if you really love and care for this man you will survive-- and it sounds that you are in love --- saying all this without the details makes it tough but you must have reason so always br true to yourself-------- good luck
2006-09-11 18:59:17 · answer #9 · answered by Ladder Captain-29 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't really know what you have lost respect for him for. Obviously for what he did to get kicked out. But I don't see where anyone can tell you to have respect for someone, it has to come from you willing to except what ever has happened.
2006-09-11 19:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋