my husband of 18 yrs wants to watch me have sex with someone else..do all men have these fantansies?

Question

When my husband and I are in bed...he keeps asking me to fulfill his fantasy...said he would like to see anyother man f*** me while he watches or better than that would love to watch me with another woman...all this while we are being intimate...i think he is being serious, or maybe it is just "dirty talk"..I don't really know .I keep telling him that i would do anything to make him happy but this makes me a little uncomfortable. I keep telling him that i don't need or want anyone else (my husband was my first and only), but he is insistant...I do want to please my husband and spice up our sex life but..i'm confused...if i did agree to this, would i respect myself, would my husband respect me later? Or would I find that it is a real turn on? Or is this my husbands way to say you did it, now its my turn? I know that I would be heartbroken to see him with someone else. Any advice would be appreciated, especially if you are someone who has gone through with it with positive outcome.

Answer 1

Yes most men are like that but it is up to you to set the limits. He can't force you to do something that you feel uncomfortable doing.

Answer 2

ok, there is so many reasons I can give you... but here are a few... Ok I have a (guy) bestfriend who is gay and he was married and asked his woman the same thing, that was the past..this is the present and he's with a man and he's divorced... so maybe your husband is secretly in the closet and wanted the same thing my friend wanted "a normal life" or maybe your mans just a little on the freaky side. but reguardless of what he is, you already know how you would feel deep down and I know a few people who has had the threesome thing while in a relationship and no matter if they were married or not, the couples hardly EVER stayed together, there were a few who stayed coupled but cheated often on one another. You ask if you'll respect yourself...How would you be able to respect yourself if you went through with it? If your husband wants other people involved in your intimate life, then theres a deeper problem between the both of you. Fantasys are one thing..all men and women have them...but to go through with something you know you don't want, will do nothing but tear your marriage apart. You obviously love your husband but you need to put your foot down and make it clear that you don't want to do that(if you really don't want too ).

Answer 3

It is a fantasy of his. It is up to you too if you want to. Be careful in who you chose because of dieses. This could or could not be good depending on how you deal with this or how he does. Have a serious talk about this. The problem alot of the time is if he starts asking you to compare him and the other later. Alot more people than you think does this. Another thing to think or talk about is if he ask you to watch the same with him and someone else. you may suggest just watching videos or something and see if down the road you can work something out with him. Most of all you need to feel comfortable about what is being done or don't do it. What is he going to want next and then will you be willing to do it?

Answer 4

I think that "fantasies" are better left as just what they are. I think you are right it could/would cause problems. What if he likes it & you don't, what if you like it & he doesn't, then thinks less of you What if you think less of yourself - especially since you've only been with him. For that reason alone, I think you two should find other ways to spice things up.

(I know of a marriage that was destroyed b/c of something like this. Husband loved it, the wife did not. So he found others to do this without the wife around. You don't know how either of you will feel. Leave a good thing alone. Many people can't make it thru 10 yrs of marriage, let alone 18! )

Answer 5

You're probably not going to find your answer here. You are getting too many mixed messages. I would suggest sitting down with your husband and discussing it outside of the bedroom. It may be something that he only thinks about in the heat of the moment. Then again, there are some married couples out there that invite other people in on their bedroom encounters and swear it has made their marriages stronger.
But, if you don't feel comfortable with the whole idea, I don't think it's a good idea to give it a shot.
You may enjoy the whole situation, but you may also feel like a piece of filth the whole time too.
Only you will be able to make this decision.
Good Luck

Answer 6

Lots of men have these fantasies, specially the wife with another woman. Just take a look at movies. That lesbian thing turns some men on. But that does not mean you have to do it. Why not play some dirty talk with him instead of going through it.? Or, spice things up some other way, less complicated...play games, etc. This might get his attention in something else. I sure hope you two make it. Good luck.

Answer 7

Honey, talk to him about it outside the bed, find out if he's serious. If he's just into dirty talk, try to do him one better, they always like that. But as someone who married her first and had a three some, take some serious advice: do not pick just anyone. Ours was our mutual best friend, and someone we would trust with our worst secrets. Take the time to find a person you like to hand out with as a person, and make sure you and your husband can agree that they are the right one for such an intimate act. It might be weird at first, but once you get into it a little, you will find you either like it or you don't. Be open, and remember that the fantasy may not be as much fun for your husband as just talking about it. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't think all men have this fantasy. I wouldn't do it. The marriage bed is undefiled, but that doesn't mean bringing other people into it. If your husband respects and values you, he'll understand that you are concerned about sharing your intimate life with other people. I don't think he'd respect you afterward. Don't think he respects your feelings too much now, IMO.

Think about things you can do without compromising your dignity or leaving yourself open for others to "discover" your intimate activities with your spouse. I'd say yes to toys, mirrors, books on positions, but no to video tape!

Whatever you do, it should be between you and your husband and BOTH of you should be comfortable with it. If your husband is considering outside sexual partners to give himself permission to be unfaithful, then you need counseling.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 9

I don't know about some men but my husband sure don't. The most important thing here is u don't do anything u feel uncomfortable doing and if your husband respects u as a person and his wife, he shouldn't pressure u into doing something like this.
If that's his fantasy, then fine, leave it there. But if he actually forces u into doing something u don't want then u have to stand your ground and let him know that u won't do it.

Answer 10

Believe it or not, there are men who will not bring a child into the world when it is apparent that that child will have little chance of a decent life. This is common in many species and was once more prevalent in human society until the welfare society was created which has caused there to be multiple generations of women who have children that they have no intention of adequately caring for just to get welfare money. Many military men who have been in parts of the world where they see malnourished children with little chance of reaching adulthood will not deliberately bring a child into a situation where the child is unlikely to have a happy childhood. If finances are such that they know their child will not be taken care of they are not likely to want to create that child. If they discover that the woman that they are with will be an unsatisfactory mother for any child let alone their own, they are not likely to want to bring the child into the world. The same goes for men who know that their progeny has a very high chance of having a life of medical problems with little chance of happiness. You see, not all men are just a walking package of hormones on the make for anything female. There really are men who believe that the sex act is primarily to create children. If your man does not seem to want to create a child with you, look first at your home, your attitudes and your mirror.

Answer 11

How could someone get anything out of that? Being a person with spontaneous sexual encounters, my advise would be "No"!

Trying to keep an open mind about how far society has change since my teen days, still doesn't allow me room to fathom your husbands request. If you don't feel comfortable with it then you wouldn't like the reality afterwards.

You say in your mind you will do anything to please him, and yet your conscience tells you that this is going too far. Now you are left to deal with it through your sub-conscience, which is where your morals and beliefs are stored. If you violate them you will have a hard time making peace with yourself later.