i am a british muslim who is going out with an english girl. is this right?

Question

i am a 24 yr old pakistani in the armed forces and quite western in my attitude and behaviour. i have been seeing a white girl for just over a year now. my siblings know about the relationship, but the elders in my family don't (parents etc). i would only tell them if/when the relationship gets to a 'serious' stage (ie we live together).

we would both like this relationship to progress and are looking at possibly living together. HOWEVER, my girlfriend gets very upset about the unwanted attention we attract as a mixed race couple. she believes that if we moved in together, my family would disown me (they probably would) and then there is pressure on her to stay with me as i have sacrificed my family to be with her. i try to tell her that i am aware of the consequences, and am prepared to face them as long as i am with her.

is it worth losing my family to be with the person i want to be with?

this is a serious question, so serious answers please - thanks!

Answer 1

race doesn't matter. do what your heart tells u to do.

Answer 2

Race is not the issue here - love is.

Hon i've lived in the UK all my life, and i've seen a lot of racist crap happen, but at the end of it all, if you love this girl, and she's worth fighting for, then the colour of your skin is not important, and I believe that.

Check this is what she really wants. Sit down and have a quiet, mature discussion with her, and if you both want to move forward a step and get a house or flat together, then I say do it. It's a shame that some people look at a mixed race couple and somehow oppose it, but I say that love is love, regardless of what someone looks like or what race they are. Tell your family (maybe not a good idea to tell them face-to-face if they're likely to be unhappy about it) and do what you need to do to keep this girl in your life - you obviously care about her a great deal, and she is lucky to have someone who feels for her so strongly.

If you're a practising Muslim, it might be worth paying some thought to how religion in your home will work, since it is not right to expect her to follow Islam unless she so wishes, but neither should she make you sacrifice your faith for the relationship.

There will be difficulties, but it can work.

I wish you all the best,
Emma
xXx

Answer 3

Only you know your parents and how they will react. Do they talk about you getting an arranged marriage or anything? Have all your other family members married Asian Pakistanis?

Sometimes parents just say things that they dont really mean. Would they really disown you? their son.....asians love their boy children aswel and are more leniant with them.... but then again they have alot of pride and care alot about what other people [family friends etc] are going to think.

If you love your girlfriend and you two are really serious take the risk. How long have you been together?

You are 24 and a man so can make your own decisions in life.

Your parents will just have to accept and deal with it. Hopefully they will come round with the idea.

If they do disown you and get mad etc......i would still try to talk to them as they are still your parents, call them, link up with you bros and sistas as they are alrite with it.
Your parents should see that you are still making an effort with the family and hopefully start be ok with it.
They will obviously want to meet your girlfriend.

You dont just want to get off and not talk to your family ever again, as they are your family.

You should ask them how they feel about mixed race relationships?

There are loads of asian pakistanis with white girls nowadays, so.......?

Being muslim though they will want you to marry a good muslim girl from a good family.
Would they allow you to marry a white muslim girl....if yes, see how your girlfriend feels about converting, this will also show how much she wants to be with you.

Live your life for yourslef....not your parents.

Good luck.

Hopefully things will turn out alrite for you.

Answer 4

I would strongly suggest staying with her. I'm a white american in a mixed race marriage with a black girl and my mother wasn't too thrilled about it, but love beats everything in the end. My mom got to know my wife and now they're actually quite good friends. Once your family actually gets to know her as an "individual", not a "white girl" you'll be surprised by the difference it'll make.

Just don't run away from / hide the problem. Expose her to your family a lot and let them get to know each other. Your parents will realize that love overrides racial purity and will be glad to see you and her happy.

Answer 5

Getting serious with anyone is a big step - the extra pressure on you both from family must be really difficult. Do her family accept the relationship?

No one else can tell you whether your girl is worth losing your family for. But my brother has married friends who were in your situation and as soon as the grandchildren were born the families (both) swallowed their pride and are now all on talking terms. I hope your situation works out as well for you.

Answer 6

I'm terribly sorry, but all I can say is that only you can aswer this question.
You would need to be very strong to break with your family, and your girlfriend too, to accept such a sacrifice. What about her family?
Did you ever consider moving away together, to some place where your relationship could be resolved one way or another without the outside pressure? I know that would be very hard, starting with finding such a place.

Answer 7

If you think you can handle not seeing your family ever again, you go ahead and do it. If your family loves you and knows that you should do what makes you happy, they should give their blessings. But it looks like they may not right? but then you don't know how the elders would react unless you tell them. Who knows? they may not want to lose their son. It's a chance you have to take. But if you love this woman and you know that she is the one, nothing should matter.

I am in a similar situation but I am happy and that's what matters to me. so if you are happy that's all should matter to you. You cannot make everyone happy right? or live by your family's standards. Love has no color, caste or religion!

In the modern world, The elders don't fit in.

Answer 8

I have been in the same situation with you,my ex was asian as well,it is not good to drop your family,It would be better to come to an agreement,and is this girl Muslim??Just take into consideration what you do,remember family is important and so is She,compromise.Forget what anyone else thinks in the street,its non of their business.Let them get on with whatever they think,assure your girlfriend to ignore them,your happiness matters so why should you be pushed into 'normal' way.
In shall Allah everything will turn out for the best

Answer 9

Man! You have to weigh up which you cannot live without - your family or the girl. You are the only one who knows that. Don't let others decide it for you though, or you'll regret it. If its your decision, and you get it wrong somehow, at least you'll know you tried your best to do the right thing, and won't have such big regrets.

Answer 10

i think its such a shame because it shouldnt matter what race either of you are,youre both human beings,were all born and we all die.what we do in between should be whats best for us.if youve found someone you love the colour of your skin or the god your family worship shouldnt get in the way.i know its how people are conditioned from birth that makes them beleive to mix races is a disgrace but i dont agree.life is brief,you do whats best for you.

Answer 11

I am a black Christian Canadian dating a white Muslim man. We are an interracial couple and it doesn't bother either of us that people stare. I am pretty lucky as my family has accepted him and his have accepted me...Now in your case, you have to decide what is more important to you...If you love her, you will stand up to your family and tell them that you want to be with her. It is not for us to say whether your relationship is right or not you have to decide for yourself whether you can deal with the consequences. Good luck.