Another Baby--Young Mom?

Question

I am a young mother.

My son is seven months old.

My family thinks he is a “blessing” (mistake), although he was not.

I have always wanted my children close together.

My husband and I would like to have another child, probably in the next year.

We are very concerned about what my family will think.

They won’t be mad but I don’t think they’ll approve.

We are financially stable and are great parents.

It isn’t that I’m unsure, I just don’t want to disappoint my parents.

Do you think we should hold off having another or should we just have another?

Since I already have one child, what difference would another make? (judgment wise--not financially)

Thank you all for your responses!

We actually have three college savings plans for the children we plan on having. We only put fifty dollars in each a month for each but plan on putting more in the more money we make.

As for college tution look at the top. I do care what my parents think. They are an important part of my life and I hope my kids care what I think. As a teenager I would see other kids stealing--and think about my parents. Did I ever steal--no. Did I ever do drugs--no. Everytime I'd think to do something I'd think of how my parents would feel. I'm aware of their feelings.

We live in Florida---our families live in New Mexico and Ohio. No babysitters here!

Answer 1

Go for it. We have sons 14 months apart and it has been wonderful. As for your parents, you don't think they'll approve, but you're not really sure, so go for it, they'll come to be as happy as they were with the first.

Answer 2

Who's life are you trying to live? Your own or one based on your parent's expectations? Being financially stable isn't the only thing you need. You still seem to be under your parents control which tells me you're not all that mature. As adults we make our choices based on the assements of the situations. You say you are financially stable. Do you WANT another child? Do you have the ability to share your time/attention with two children? Can you give both children what they will need? Will there be college tuition money for both children when they grow up? That last one is a major one because there are less and less scholarships availble these days and tuition costs are rising. By the time your 7 month old is in college costs will have risen to probably 5 times what they are today. Do you have that planned for? If after thinking about it and discussing it with your husband the answer is "we can handle another child and we want one" don't look to your parents for there "permission" to do so. Grow up, make your own decisions.

Answer 3

It's up to you and your husband about having another child, not your parents. I understand though, about wanting to please parents too. But really, you don't need to worry about them. Your husband, your son and yourself is your family now. My kids are 2 1/2 years apart, and it's perfect. I DONT WANT ANYMORE THOUGH!! :) I watch my nephew once a week, he's 4 months...no way could I do that! Just make sure you will have enough time and energy to have another baby with your son this young...that would be my only hesitation for you. It's really hard when you come home with a helpless little thing, and your other child wants to poop, or play, or eat. Try that with another baby on your boob! :) BEEN THERE- DONE THAT!
All I'm saying, is realistically look at the timeframe and see if it all adds up. But it is TRULY up to you and your husband.
Good luck.

Answer 4

I would say it is totally your decision, BUT if your parents are your babysitter, you really need to take that into consideration. Not saying that if they do not approve you shouldn't have another baby. But if they will be the one taking care of the kids while you are working, etc. you really need to consult with them and make sure it will not be too much for them to handle. If it is a problem you need to make sure you are financially prepared to pay for a regular sitter.

I had both of my kids young (my first at 17, my second at 21). I'm now 29 and very financially stable and have all my ducks in a row. It made it more difficult at first, but I'm really glad I had my boys when I did. I wouldn't do it differently if I were to go back. Of course I'm very fortunate with the way my life turned out.. great job, great husband, great everything! Many times having children young causes a mom to just settle on the life she is living and not stive for better for herself and family. Don't fall into that trap and you'll be just fine.

Answer 5

if you have the financial, psychological, and emotional means to raise another child, and you both want another child, then have another child.
as long as you aren't dependent on your parents to take care of your children or pay for them, their approval isn't necessary (but it's nice you care about what they think). it is your life now and you get to make the decisions, just as your parents have done for themselves.
but a word of caution: you ask what difference another child will make. A LOT! having two babies/children is not the same as having one. the work and investment MORE than doubles because everything gets more complicated. any parent of two or more children will agree with this. it was much easier to be a great parent to one child than to two or three (in my case). one child doesn't have to compete for anything, and no matter how much you think your first child will never have cause to compete, he will not see it that way. a new unique personality will change the dynamics in your family, so be prepared!

Answer 6

If you are financially stable and married, it is your decision to make. Your parents can no longer determine decisions like that. As for what difference it will make, consider the cost of having 2 children in college at the same time.

Answer 7

You are a loving mother, a father is present, you are financially ready, sounds like you are emotionally ready - whats the problem? Sounds like you have it together, dont ever let the folks tell you what to do.
I am surprised to hear that your parents are less than enthused - most would love to be grandparents again and again. Not sure what underlying family issue is present here, but you dont have to answer to them. Do what you and your husband think is right and do not let anyone else's opinion sway you.

Answer 8

You might first of all clear up the misconception (no pun intended) that your son was a 'mistake'. Let your folks know that you made this decision once and you are perfectly capable (along with your husband of course) of making it again. Make it clear that you expect their support no matter whether you decide to have or not have more children.
You have to teach people how to treat you sometimes.

Answer 9

If you are financially stable and are able to take care of another child, why does it matter what your family of origin thinks?
Do you have a plan for your child's college tuition? Please don't say it will be the child's responsibility to pay for it him or herself. It's too important to leave up to chance.

Answer 10

The choce to have children is up to you, not your parents. If you feel that you would like more childern and you'd like the fairly close in age, then by all means, do that, it will make you happy. If they love you and they love your childern then it shouldn't matter when or how many children you have, they should love you no matter what : )