How do middle age people make new friends?

Question

Need some suggestions on how to start a friendship with other couples.... I have been divorced for over a year and my boyfriend has been divorced for about five years. We both have worked throughout our married lives isolated ourselves to old school friends due to previous marriage jealousy and such and now have lost track of those friends. We both have two children are trying to find couples with smiliar interest as family oriented times as well as adult out on the town times.. but, would like to have friends to go with us... Any suggestions on how we can find couples seeking the same... WE are NOT looking for kinky relationships. Just an old fashion traditional friendship that we can do things with our families and occasionally alone with no children. Serious suggestions only please... Thank you.

Answer 1

Come on over to our place for coffee! :-) Seriously... my wife and I moved some 700 miles about six years ago, when we were in our mid-forties, so we had to start from scratch. Here are some of the ways we managed to go from knowing two people in the entire state, to having a wide circle of friends and a never-ending list of activities we can be involved in.

1. Are your kids in school? Get involved -- volunteer to do something, anything, it almost doesn't matter. First, it's great for your kids, whether you're cutting out construction-paper shapes in the classroom, word-processing the school newsletter, or taking tickets at the Hallowe'en carnival. But you'll also end up in the company of other people with similar interests: the well-being of everyone at your kids' school. That's a GREAT place to start looking for people who have other interests in common. And as far as family activities go, who better than families with kids in your own kids' schools?

2. What interests do you already have? Find a club or organization that caters to people with similar interests. It doesn't have to be something you're already good at, it can be something you've always wanted to find out more about. Canoeing on the rivers and streams outside your city? Restoring classic cars? Designing and making quilts? There's got to be a club or group near you that focuses on this interest. And don't just join it so you can read the newsletter -- go to the meetings, attend events, or better yet volunteer to help out at some club activity, like working the registration booth at a show or operating a checkpoint at a car rally. The more people see that you're active for the group, the more they'll look forward to seeing you socially as well.

3. Expand your mind as you expand your social circle. There's surely a community college near you, and if it's like the one near us there are probably HUNDREDS of adult-education classes. At least some of them are certain to interest you; maybe it's belly-dancing, or Japanese flower arranging, or the history of Caribbean pirates. Pick something you've always wanted to learn, but socialize with your fellow students on breaks and after class.

4. Divide and conquer: while the objective is for you and your fellow to meet other couples, you may find (as we have) that your new best friend is married to HIS new best friend. So if your boyfriend is interested in gardening and you want to learn to refinish antique wicker chairs, you should each sign up for a class or join a club. First of all, as great as it is to share interests as a couple, it's also nice to have your own interests (and it's great to support your partner in his or her own interests; we find that being apart keeps us closer, if that makes sense). But more important, you can put yourselves in the company of twice as many potential new friends if you split up. Give up an evening a week to expand your lives.

5. Make a united front: While it's good to have time alone, you should also make sure to do social things together, as a couple. Go to concerts, plays, and other public performances, and practice striking up a conversation with other patrons during intermission. If you like the band, ask people if they know of other similar musicians who play in the area. If you like another style of music better, ask if the other concert-goers know where you can listen to it.

6. Go to community fairs and festivals. It's a little late in the year now (most towns seem to have them in August, before Labor Day), but be on the lookout for community fairs, festivals and shows near you. I'm very active in classic cars, and I've been out virtually every weekend for the past month at one show or another, seeing several of my friends at each one. Your town may have an "art and wine festival" or there may be a harvest fair coming up, or an Oktoberfest if you've got a German community. Not only are these fun places to go, but they're great places to find activities with people you can become friends with.

7. Listen to your kids. If you get involved in things that they like (fencing camp, dance lessons, whatever your kids are interested in), be on the lookout for other parents at school, performances and competitions who seem friendly and open. If you know of a related event coming up, suggest to the parents of your kids' friends that the families should go over together. Make a picnic lunch or agree to take everybody out for ice cream afterwards.

8. Never forget that the best way to have a friend is to BE a friend. If you're the one who's willing to jump in, if you're the couple who are known as the active and friendly pair, you'll be a lot more likely to be invited to social activities, or just asked to come over for coffee, than if you stay home and wonder why nobody calls you.

(And a funny thing happens when you become active with your community -- you find yourself living a really rich, rewarding and satisfying life that makes a difference in areas that you value and believe in, as well as making new friends and having fun. But you'll find that out for yourself...)

9. Recognize when other people are doing this for you. Especially if you make yourselves a vital, important part of a club or volunteer organization, other people will start seeking YOU out to be THEIR friends. But whether or not you've reached that point, be on the lookout for people who think YOU have something to offer THEM. It's a nice feeling, and it's a good indication that there's some compatibility with the other couple.

10. Most important -- whether you do one of these or all of them, don't give up. If the local car club is a bunch of snobs who only want to talk about how much money they paid for genuine factory authentic fuzzy dice, try the local quilting society. If the class on agate-tumbling doesn't do much for you, try Croatian folk dancing or home winemaking. Keep at it. Because again, whether you find your best friends or not, you're filling your lives with something you enjoy and you're constantly moving forward. And that's the kind of people who just draw new friends to themselves.

Answer 2

Friends are actually few and fare between for all of us. You really find out who your true friends are after a divorce. A true friend will not judge you, talk about you or look down on you. Do you really need friends to live and be happy? I really don't think that people do. Just enjoy your time together and your time with your children while their still young. If you think that you HAVE to get out there and make friends then try joining some kind of community effort or club. Get involved in your towns school board and/or PTA. Attend ball games and other school functions. Volunteer in your community. You should be able to meet some good people that way.

Answer 3

You both may want to consider a membership with the Moose Club, Elks Club, Veterans Post (if you are a veteran/s) or if you reside in a city possibly investigate what community service you both could volunteer for this would give you the opportunity to interface with others. However, try to remember that friendship comes in all shapes and ages.

Answer 4

If your kids are young you can perhaps have a small party and invite a few of your children's friends and parents. Or organize a small neighborhood barbecue or event to meet the other neighbors with kids. Hopefully when you all get acquainted you can graduate to doing adult activities without the kids.

Answer 5

You have to join a club or a hobby group or something that is of interest to both of you and go to the meetings and outing on a regular basis. AFter awhile, you will see the friendship develop.

Answer 6

You might ask a couple over to play cards and have the children play cards or video games, have a picnic or become a part of a church group, bowling is a good ice breaker, or maybe a picnic, tour the zoo...........watch a movie together.....have a BBQ

Answer 7

It depends what you like to do. Do what you like to do, and engage others you encounter in the course of doing what you like. For example, if you like white water rafting, or bowling, or whatever, just do it. As long as it isn't an activity that is solitary by its very nature, e.g. climbing Mt. Everest, you should be able to find like-minded people doing the same stuff you like.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Have you tried going out with work mates, who have friends and may in turn become your friends

Answer 9

Just get out.