I have been married 20 years, only guy I ever went out with. 2 kids, 1 in college, 1 in High School. For the whole time we have been married, he has screamed at the kids and I. He claims it's the only way he can get thru to us! I cannot count the number of times I have been called a $%^&% *****. He says it's cause he's so stressed out and we don't help him enough, not true. I have helped in our business each day for all these years. He keeps the checkbook, watches evrey cent I spend on food, etc.
When I took a job outside the house for extra money, it was, "now you are going to leave me for someone at your job".
The oldest can't wait to move away to college, sick of being screamed at all the time, and worries how I will be when he leaves home. The youngest is where I wonder if I am being selfish.
Are kids ok with divorce? This one is 16. I am sure when I leave, he will clean out our money. I'm scared what he would do if I took some to live on.
Any help would be great!
2006-09-11 08:46:03 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forgot to mention the head games he plays, last week we were watching TV, when a guy who lost his wife in a tragic accident was suing for a ton of money, and he said to me, why don't you drive down by there, too. Later, when he wanted to know why i was so mad, he claimed he NEVER said it. God as my witness, he did.
2006-09-11 08:57:51 · update #1
I'd take every penny out of our joint account, then I'd file a "child protection order" on grounds of emotional abuse...that will get him out of the house til you go before a judge, who will decide who gets what...
or GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!!!
sorry... had to be said...no one should live like that for 20 years...
2006-09-11 08:54:06 · answer #1 · answered by bigmammarush 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a volunteer at a local women's center/shelter. Based on what you are saying, this is considered a type of spousal abuse, economically and emotionally. Your husband has no right to treat you and your children this way. It's a form of power that he wanted to exert on you and your children.
No, you are NOT being selfish by moving away. You have a right to happiness also. Besides, as a mom, you have a duty to protect your kids. Although it may be tough initially of having to move w/out any $ and stability, the difficult time will pass. Your freedom is valuable and it's forth fighting for. Stat. shows that abused women returned to their abused spouse all the time. It takes about 7 times for a woman to leave their abused significant other succesfully. In other words, it's really tough to leave you life you are already adjusted to. However, you still have a long life ahead of you. The fact that you are asking this question indicates that you are NOT happy w/ your living situation. You are NOT being selfish. On the other hand, you are being smart and responsible. Good luck and call on your local shelter if you need temporary shelter. Be sure to take all forms of IDs, medications, family values, and irreplaceable paper work w/ you. Good luck and God bless!
2006-09-11 09:00:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has you so brain washed into thinking you have no rights. Divorce the man and take half of the business and house. Get a good lawyer and make him pay you child support and alimony. Go back to school and find something you really like that interests you and get a great job. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and he is a jerk. Let him find out how it feels when he has only his self to scream at. Go for it. You can do it. Women deserve the utmost respect and love from their husbands. That's not being selfish, that's looking out for your children. They don't need to believe that marriage is the man yelling all day and mom is a nervous wreak.
2006-09-11 08:55:56 · answer #3 · answered by purrfectsandcastle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been married for 20 yrs have two kids by him and he was the primary bread winner for the family, you are sure to get child support and spousal support.
If your sure you cant take it anymore and want to get it DO IT.
File for divorce take some money and leave, let your attorney deal with the rest. Your attorney will also fight for his fee to be paid by your husband.
To make sure you come out good in divorce court put a small tape recorder in your pocket and when the screaming starts hit record. Once a judge hears how you are treated you'll get everyting you want and more.
I had small children (8 and 11) at the time of the divorce and both have stated that they are glad we divorced they like us better apart then togeather and wished we had done it sooner ( from the mouths of my kids)
2006-09-11 08:52:36 · answer #4 · answered by bree30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In life we face action and reaction. Its a daily survival mechanism we are hardwired with. Not knowing both sides of the story its difficult to advise you on what to do. However, my advice to you would be to do it the right way and that's legally. If not this could come back to really haunt you. If you are really intimidated by him then you can always find ways to avoid him with out him really knowing it. You can always get the money you need for an attorney(take a lone out until the judge favors you alimony) and get a temporary place to stay along with a restraining order in your county. I would start documenting every episode of his actions just so that it could be documented. Get an affidavit like friends, neighbors, or even your kids to help testify his verbal abuse. In some States, verbal abuse is considered Domestic Violence. You need to find substance for your self and sanity. You will never think clearly with the environment that your are surrounded by right now. Just take any extra time you may have to consider your plan, and remember you will get through this..
2006-09-11 08:58:08 · answer #5 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so sad and I feel bad that you are going through that...
However, why would you allow your children to go through that for such a long time that they cant wait to go to school ... No matter how long you been married or who you are married too always put your children first no matter what ...... what if your kids grow up and act like him how would that effect thier adult lives.... At 16 I think that you can talk to your child about it and see how he feels about this and maybe he feels the same way you do....
I would also seek a lawyer help as far as the money is concerned......
Seeking help will not do it has been going on for too long
I wish you the best of luck and dont stress too much!!!!!!
2006-09-11 08:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by Tee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a really difficult subject. I have a couple of suggestions for you... I hope that they are a blessing. First: Have you thought about going into counseling? Many relationships have been saved by seeing a counselor. Second: go to www.Newlife.com. I think they will really be able to help you out. They have a radio program and from that website you can listen online. I hope that helps. God bless!
2006-09-11 08:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by Andreita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask your 16 year old how they feel about their father's behaivor. At this age they are old enough to understand and old enough to witness the reason you are leaving for themselves. If you can and you can take care of yourself and your child financially then leave. (I know you can) and child support will help. Don't sacrifice your happiness and your children don't deserve the disrespect, it's stressful enough in college and hig school. Home should be a place to rest. Even if it means you have to get a new home.
2006-09-11 08:51:35 · answer #8 · answered by kiki_t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First your not being selfish! To want out of a unhealthy relationship is not selfish and your 16 year old may want out himself. Most kids today are from divorced family's. It is better for children to see there parents a part than fighting.
2006-09-11 08:54:43 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concerning your 16 year old--my parents divorced when I was 7 years old. Of course there is always hurt and we always hear about staying in the marriage for the children, but quite honestly I think it hurts more to be witness to a loveless, hostile marriage.
Your husband is controlling and emotionally abusive. You are not being selfish, you are taking care of yourself and your children.
2006-09-11 08:50:22 · answer #10 · answered by a_soft_world 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋