When a friend per se has been forced to put her husband in a care center...he became too?

Question

difficult to take care of at home....etc.,...Isn' t that a better REASON than a regular divorce..."cuz we just couldn't get along?'''i feel it is...All the heartache she suffered...(note: the family DID NOT want the responsibility either)..so she had NO choice in the matter...what's your opinion on this matter???( she was able to get it annuled)...and raise her children...But it has been very difficult to say the least...

Answer 1

I am confused about the divorce thing. I wouldn't put my husband in a home but when I marry it will be for better or worse and threw health and SICKNESS. I wouldn't put my dad in a home. My mom passed away but she was very sick for 2 years and I cared for her at home and I am very happy that I did. When my dad gets old or sick I will care for him at home as well.

Answer 2

I can't judge her actions, since I don't know any context or what's wrong with him or what responsibilities she has in life.

I would think that people who do judge her off-hand simply have no idea what it's like to care for someone full-time, care for kids, and maintain a house and full-time job to pay bills... all alone, because the husband is permanently impaired and can only NOT contribute... but demands the share of attention.

For all I know, your friend was trying her best and was just unable to make it work, and maybe it still breaks her heart and she still feels guilty over committing her husband to a care center. It's very very hard and sometimes even impossible, without help, to bear up.

I find it also disheartening that the family refused to take any responsibility. Yes, he was her husband; but it sounds like they didn't want the burden despite him being part of their family. So their hearts weren't in the right place either; if they cared, they'd be involved somehow. They probably used her to do the "dirty work" so they wouldn't feel responsible for what happened.

Like I said, I have no idea of what's wrong with him, or how long his "disability" will continue (or if it is lifelong).

Idealistically, one would wish that the remaining spouse could deal with all the pressure of the situation, and we all appreciate hearing about such stories where people can succeed in doing so; but realistically, we are only human and can only do so much and maintain our sanity; and the children also needed her attention and energy and time.

She was in a bad situation, probably felt she had to make a choice about where to focus, and chose the kids.

I would expect that, if she really does/did love him, she's still visiting him when she can, taking the kids to visit, and maintaining what relationship she can with him.

If she is doing all that and her heart obviously is "with him" even though she could not deal with full-time care for him, then she can let her conscience rest a little easier.

Also, she is not "stuck" in her current situation. If she decides later she needs to be with him or that she made the wrong choice, she is always free to reenter that relationship. She just needs to do what she can, in the moment.

Answer 3

I personally have never been in this predicament, but I hope if that ever were to happen that I would be Strong enough to stand by my spouse and I hope he would do the same for me. I take my vows, for better or worse, richer or poorer, (been there and done both of them) and in sickness & in health. We have survived the first two, hopefully we could survive the last.
Sorry

Answer 4

I wish I could put my husband in a home at times, myself.lol

Answer 5

she's selfish...

'death do us part' means nothing apparently, she basically lied in front of witnesses and God..

if she can live with it.. good for her, I personally couldn't.

Answer 6

For better or worse ,???Sickness and health???