What do you think of my Poem?

Question

Please feel free to critique. Be honest. Tell me what you feel or interpret. What u liked or didn't like? Is it good enough to get published?


BIRTH OF MY ESSENCE

I throw pebbles in the lake
I see the ripples forming in me

I step on the mountain rocks
But I feel something heavy on on me

I touch her skin, glowing and silky
I sense every body cell alive in me

I look at the sea, another world
I see the waves calling me

I watch the birds flying high
I experience the tickling flight in my belly

I rest under a shady tree
I suffer the blazing sun on my skin

I sit on bank of a gushing river
I feel the flowing force in me

I feel like a speedy river
Flowing wherever the land is taking me

I peek into the depth of valley
I feel the nature carving me

I never pluck a beautiful flower
I fear the fragrance will vanish out of me


Composed by Rishikaysh


© 2006 Rishikaysh.

please check out my other poems by clicking on my name.

Answer 1

Let me guess!
You wrote the first two lines
"I throw pebbles in the lake
I see the ripples forming in me"
and you liked it and it is truly beautiful.
Then you thought you could make a poem of it and you thought all the other lines based on the idea that we are a small part of the universe and interact with it. It is a great idea but poems are not written with ideas, they are written with words that create images.
I think that you are forcing yourself to make poems without being ready to write them. All the poems that I've written with that style are not good.
I've come to the conclusion that it is better to stop in the middle and wait. Some day the rest will come to you. Be patient and trust your talent.

Answer 2

My interpretation is that you are trying to describe everything that a person feels when they find love, all the different emotions, etc, but fear seems to be the main thing the author feels. He gets close to what he wants and then shys away because he is scared that it will leave. That's what I got out of it. Hopefully it's what you were going for.

Answer 3

There are different types of poetry and writing styles. I think you have talent.Don't worry about what others say. If writing is your passion, then you should persue it. Some will enjoy reading your works, and others won't. for instance, I am a huge Ann Rice fan, but I have friends who say she writes garbage. and, look how many times stephen King was turned down by publisher, but he continued to write, and continued to send in his stories until someone signed him. Look where he is today. He's one of the most well known and respected authors. remember, true poetry comes from within, you are writing because you have a passion for poetry, not because you want to impress everyone. If someone says they stink, just smile and thank them for their opinion, because that's all it is, THEY'RE opinion. Good Luck

Answer 4

KEY: () = error

*"But I feel something (on on) me"?
*"I rest under a (shady tree)...suffer the (blazing sun)"?
*"I sit (on bank) of a gushing river"?
*"I peek into the depth (of valley)"?

So many ERRORS that don't make sense...is the problem!

Answer 5

I like the meaning just not the context in which it is written.

Answer 6

It is ok but a couple of the lines don't work they need to end with me! Good Luck

Answer 7

That's a real hot poem your a good righter.

Answer 8

It's fairly boring. It doesn't project any sort of feeling.

Answer 9

like it

Answer 10

I think you're smoking some bad dope, man!