I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for 9 months now. I love him very much and he loves me too. The topic of sex has kind of been a sore subject lately. He never feels like being intimate in that way. When I say never I mean it's been over a month and the last few times I initiated it and felt like maybe he wasn’t really “in the mood” but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I have explained to him and reassured him that this is not going to compromise our relationship, but at the same time I would kind of like to get to the underlying issue. I certainly want to support him and do what I can to help the situation mostly because I know it's bothering him too. He is 38 and healthy and has no physiological reasons to not have a normal drive. So if this is psychological, am I the reason? Is it normal for a young male not to have a drive? If anyone has any insight I would really appreciate it. This is very personal so please only post serious answers, even if it sounds silly to you.
2006-09-11 07:51:44 · 10 answers · asked by ray_hilton717 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
One big possiblity may be that he's still a virgin. I'm not kidding about that. The number of guys that age who haven't had sex isn't small at all, and the fact that he may not be trying for it may mean that he's afraid.
The other possiblity is that he just doesn't feel that comfortable with his body to do it. Judging from what you have said though, i think the first possibility that I have described is pretty likely.
Good luck. And remember to be as supportive as possible. But you should try to get to the bottom of the problem. In the long run, he will be grateful.
2006-09-11 10:25:45 · answer #1 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give you a different answer if I thought you were in a short-term, fun relationship. However this sounds pretty serious. Have you talked marriage or anything like that?
In a long term relationship it is a good man's job to make sure his wife/girlfriend is satisfied sexually. I'm totally serious here. I take this responsibility very seriously. She tells me when and I perform with care, understanding and giving.
So in this respect your man is not doing his job.
My first, gut reaction is that he really isn't into the relationship but can't think of a way out. I just can't imagine a normal, healthy, 38 year old male not wanting sex in a relationship with a woman. I'm 44 and I can't get enough!
I think it's time to break through your walls and really talk about this. Especially if the relationship is serious. The number one most important aspect of a good marriage or long-term relationship is communication. If you're not communicating honestly and truthfully you are not serving the relationship. Sitting back and hoping the situation will take care of itself is not action. Take action now - and if the relationship isn't going to work out, then at least you've saved yourself potentially months or years of frustration.
Good luck.
FP
2006-09-11 08:03:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would like to start off by saying i feel that you are a lucky young lady. I am a male and i have been in a relaionship now for a while some guys are looking for something different. Maybe it is a religious thing or maybe he wants to wait and see just how far and where the relationship is going. If he wanting to wait respect that but also talk to him and find out what is going on in his head. I hope this don't sound stupid but i was the exact same way with the lady i am with now. i hope that i helped some.
2006-09-11 08:07:29 · answer #3 · answered by Bryan C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone's sex drive is different. But being that you 2 only been together for 9 months, I think u 2 should be going at it like rabbits, because it's still new and fresh...lol.
Maybe he just has a low sex drive or has a problem, like erectile dysfunction or something and is scared to talk to you about it.
Maybe you try talking to him about this. Because sex is not everything in a relationship but at the same time it is imporant if u two are not on the same level sexually
2006-09-11 08:02:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My bf and i have been going through the same thing.
He never wants it anymore.
I'm 30 hes 37 and we've been together for almost 3 yrs.
When we first starting dating i couldn't keep hI'm off me, now im lucky to get it once every couple of months.
He says hes just not interested in sex alothough i did get him to admit that hes been watching porn and masterbating atleast 2-3 times a week.
Since we've been togeather i've gained about 40 lbs and hes gained about 40 lbs, i finally got him to admit the real reason (he thinks we are to fat to have sex, and its not a turn on for him) but i've recently lost 18lbs and he still hasnt touched me.
I've tried everything and i dont know what else to do either. All i can say is if you love him and dont want to cheat you'll have to do what i did go out and buy you a battery operated substitue.
2006-09-11 08:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by bree30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound silly -- it sounds like a real, reasonable concern. It is not normal for young men to have no sex drive, so there must be some reason, either psychological or physical to explain it. Until he is ready to tell you or break up with you, you will have to be patient and understanding.
2006-09-11 08:04:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For awhile while i became right into a newborn I ate peanut butter and miracle whip sandwiches. Or i might in simple terms get up interior the midst of the night and devour the miracle whip surprising out of the jar. My mom might devour peanut butter and bologna sandwiches. while human beings hear that they think of i'm gross
2016-12-12 06:38:52 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
like you said - underlying issue. he may be too embaressed to talk with you about what might be going on. he needs to see a doctor and you need to explain that to him as carefully as you can or it might end up taking a toll on your relationship - even as much as you love him - if it keeps on.and it could be a number of things and he probably feels just as terrible as you do that its happening. thats what i think. you seem like a good person and i hope all goes well!
2006-09-11 08:00:04 · answer #8 · answered by ♥mama♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres a simple answer to this and its what hes NOT telling you. there must be something on his mind to make him feel like this. its very un-natural for a man NOT to want sex with a female, especially one he loves, unless theres an underlying cause. if he doesn't want to tell you, then suggest counseling for him.
2006-09-11 07:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not wierd at all-maybe he dosen't "require" daily sex, some guys are all worried bout it. Get him drunk and see if he stops, really. Plus some guys are "old fashoined" too-wierd as that sounds, or your worst fear is true-and he is getting "that" part somewhere else.
2006-09-11 08:10:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋