He recently told me he doesn't know if he is in love with me anymore although he says he loves me and the kids and he considers me his best friend. We are business partners as well and sepnd most of out time together but most of what we talk about is business. We have been married 5 years and been through a lot. Moved several times, I was diagnosed with cancer. Told we couldn't have kids, then that we could try, then I did have one, the suddenly another!
His mom took ill and although things were not the best before this it has gotten worse since then. He won't go to a therapist but depression did run in his family. He can't focus and expects me to accept that if we split up that we remain best friends, working partners etc etc.
I want a husband, not a buddy. I would like to try to get things back on track and he said he is not sure it will work out. He just left to "think about things" for a few days.
We are both 36 and have a 1 and 2 year old.
Any guidance?
2006-09-11 07:43:33 · 10 answers · asked by Sandra C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a very very tricky situation.
I was married when my mother died in a very painful and just plain awful way. It took me over 3 years before I was back to normal. My wife had to find a way to be patient and understanding because I really freaked her out. I'd just run away to a room and start weeping uncontrollably for a half hour. But the grief was personal - for me - my wife had no responsibility other than that she was there to support me.
I really hope that he's not being totally serious about thinking about leaving you. I don't know how you could get him there, but he sounds like he could use some grief counseling. A devastating death in the family throws you for a loop for a long time, and if you're not ready for that you may make some bad judgements.
For you I would say continue to be patient with him and feel out how much of his restlessness is grief and how much is reality. I'd really like to talk to him. He has two children and he can have his grief time, but he has a very important commitment and responsibility and it sounds like he's found a back door. Those two children of yours are MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than your husband 'finding himself.' He's already found himself so now it's time to get busy.
I have some sympathy for him but he'd better not shirk his responsibility. He's a father, damnit.
FP
2006-09-11 07:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend went through the same thing when his sister died. They were very close. We ended up splitting up for a little while, so he could think and be able to cope with everything. Just sit him down, talk to him. It is going to be difficult for him to cope with his mothers death and it will take some time for him to realize that there is nothing he can do to change it. Just try to be there for him and help with whatever he needs.
2006-09-11 14:49:10 · answer #2 · answered by dazed&confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe a great loss makes a person frightened about life and there is a fear that there is nothing more left in their life than just the same day to day routine and then death. Maybe your husband is feeling this. It sounds like he has lost his way and maybe could use a third party who is unbiased (therapist) to help him through this grief.
2006-09-11 14:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by Sandanna48 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my Mother died unexpectedly I withdrew from everyone and everything. I simply went through the motions of being alive. I felt numb.
I cannot tell you what to do but I thought if I shared a bit of my story with you it may give you something else to take into consideration.
Blessings )O(
2006-09-11 14:47:54 · answer #4 · answered by Epona Willow 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he needs to finish grieving for his mother. That he fell out of love with you, what's the deal with that. If you can try to move out on your own with your children. Give him more than enough space to think. God bless and good luck.
2006-09-11 14:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds depressed. You both should try counseling. Maybe yall could speak to a church pastor or find a good church to get involved with. Good luck.
2006-09-11 14:58:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to get help you need to move on to provide a healthy and positive home for your kids. If you break up the business get a good lawyer. You don't want his depression and lack of work to ruin it.
2006-09-11 14:47:33 · answer #7 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He may be going through depression, sounds to me like he could use some therapy. good luck.
2006-09-11 14:45:39 · answer #8 · answered by mrjwm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats becasue he has to grow up and stop acting alike a child. Mommy dearest is gone...time to wake up and kick his own smell in this world. Be a Man damnit;
2006-09-11 14:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sad...i seem you are only worried about yourself...His mother passing was his wake up call and eye opening that he can not go on living like this anymore...Let him go, and be adult about it...DO NOT HOLD HIM CAPTIVE!!!
2006-09-11 15:16:51 · answer #10 · answered by bigdaddy_longstroke_2000 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋