I feel like my husband and I don't spend enough time together. What should I do?

Question

My husband and I both work and I go to school one night a week. He does not get home until about 7:00 each night and works on Sat. also. He has to cut the grass every Sat. afternoon and Sundays, and he must some kind of way fit in every football game or sporting event possible. I go to school on Tuesdays and do not get home until 9:30 and he plays football on Thursday nights until about 10:00. He works until 8:00 one night a week also. Should I feel neglected or just accept things the way they are???

Answer 1

You both are responsible for re-arranging your schedules and understanding what priorities matter. Clearly football and cutting the grass is not high on the list of what constitutes keeping a marriage together. While work is obviously very important. The other items such as watching football and playing football is not a higher priority than spending time with your spouse. Sounds like he's selfish and uninvolved with romancing you and keeping the marriage fresh.

School is important to you and in helping to further achieve goals set however, since you only attend one night a week try getting on the ball and doing some innovative things to help keep the spark going. Let him find you wearing beautiful lingiere when he comes home from his late night work rotation or football. Don't try and entice him just walk around the house in a beautiful robe and underwear... If nothing else it will make you feel sexy and flirty.

Another Suggestion: You and your husband need to have a serious conversation regarding the entire issue. Schedule time way in advance so that you can have a talk about what you've been feeling in your marriage. Go out to dinner and make sure you make it a special evening wear something nice and have a pleasant attitude.

Start out by letting your husband know how much you appreciate him and love him. Give him a few more words of praise and then slowly ease into the conversation about how you've been feeling lately that you both are drifting away from the importance of spending quality time together and tell him how that makes you feel. Don't linger on the conversation too long. Have a plan on how to resolve the issue.

In the very near future tru establishing or implementing a date night each week (without fail). It seems as though right now you both don't have children... so you're free as a bird to hang out and enjoy each other's company. He will need to sacrifice a football playing night or a "watching" football on tv night... or a cutting the grass day.

He can alternate between his establish activities weekly... but the point is he needs to seriously understand that one night a week you both need to spend hanging out together. It doesn't have to be anything fancy all the time... or expensive for that matter. You can go for walks, bicycle riding, dinner, lunch, bowling, or even just stay home (no tv) have a picnic in the living room or a bubble bath together. Point is... you both need to spend time together consistently and without personal distractions.

That whole cutting the grass thing is a bit much and somewhat unnecessary. Tell him how you feel and make a concerted effort to turn that situation around in the best interest of your marriage. You'll need to be flexible regarding the time... but other than that... work it out!

Answer 2

I honestly believe marriage is awesome but a lot of the times couples get mix in so many other things in life. Before they realize little by little they loose track of each other. I honestly believe if you don't do something about it now you might be one of those couples. I have been married for 13 years and my husband and I always put our relationship first regardless of the circumcise. Why can't you guys manege to spend at least two times out of the month for each other? Drop what ever you have to do for the evening and go on a date with him. Or why don't you help him cut the grass? It's also spending time together and not only that he will finish faster and be able to spend more time with you. Why can't you see football with him on Sunday's or when he has to go play football why can't you go support him? Their are so many ways you could spend time together but both of you have to be willing to try...

Answer 3

Be lucky you get that much time with him!! My husband is in college, and were on the virge of divorce because of lack of communication and the feeling of what you share, sometimes Womens feelings are just painful emotions, a woman should never act when she knows she is confused, this is where adultry comes in to destroy. Your husband is doing what he thinks if right for you and family, you shouldn't feel neglected because I felt the same way. Look at the bigger picture, even as hard as it may be. I suggest you get cell phones and talk all the time, NOW he calls me & reminds me that he loves me, I use to be depressed because he would be gone all week, Mon thru Thurs, come home Friday, go to work at 5pm, come home from work at between 3 and 5 am in the morning Repeat the same for Saturday. I work to support the household,4pm to 12 am Fri-Tues, so as you can see I would be sleeping when he arrives home. Think you've got it bad??? Well let me tell you something else, it is temporary, his mind is bogged down and mens minds don't opporate like ours do! He can't read your mind so please speak up tell him what you are feeling and why, and what to do about it. KEEP THE COMMUNICATION FLOWING! Once that is gone, our minds churn every little detail trying to analyze and disect why we feel the way we feel, and recgonize these bad feelings are not from GOD, but from The devil, because the devil wants to see you and your HOLY MARRIAGE to FAIL. Don't ever give up and change your heart and do your duties for The Lord, and stop worring so much. He Loves you but may have a hard time showing it at times, and frankly if God is not present in your marriage, maybe he is trying to break you down like he did me. Good Luck and don't give up the right road is always smaller than the wrong one, and usually a much more rugged terrain. Take care Joyce Meyer "people Pleasers" 4 CD audio set is what has helped me change my life because I couldn't feel the way I was feeling just like you here,. I believe you are seeking help, Well start praying.

Answer 4

You guys need to set somethings aside and find one night a week that you can go out on a date. Just the two of you, no football, no school, no kids (if you have any). Soemtimes it's hard to do it ervery week, but it is so important in a marriage.
He need to make you a priority over football or any other sport.

Maybe he could not but and grass for one day, I'm sure it will be fine. Or he got try to get off work early one night here and there. You need to make priorities and some things have to be sacrified.

Answer 5

From a man who just lost my wife of 12+ years due to neglect, you must try and find time for your marriage. If things continue to go on as they are now, one or both of you will grow out of love with each other. Now, going to work and school is very important but watching and playing football is not. Your marriage is most important to you both especially if you truly love each other. You need to sit down with your husband and have a serious take with him, with no distraction, no TV, no radio, have his full attention and be serious and let him know that you are serious and tell him how you feel and you must make time for each other. My wife didn't do that and she went years in pain because I neglected her, didn't make love to her as often as I should have. I watched too much TV and was on the computer too much. In the short time since she has been gone I have learned that I should have listened to her feelings and that is the key, HER FEELINGS, and now I am so sorry, I was a fool and didn't realize the treasure which I had that was all mine. Now I am the one in pain, hurting real bad. Please do it for yourself and your husband because sooner or later you are going to get fed up and if he doesn't know it, you both are going to end up hurt. I wish you great luck and success

Answer 6

School is a temporary thing and will bring your family more income in the end. How about setting up a date night on an evening where neither of you are working, school, or sports nights. An evening walk or even a surprise picnic meal can do wonders and best of all neither costs much money.

Answer 7

If you feel neglected you do, its not really about what you 'should' feel...should and feelings have little to do with each other. I would definitely address the situation, if you continue feeling neglected for too long your relationship will end up in serious trouble. What does your husband say about all this? Doesn't he worry about the lack of time you have to spend together? Definitely talk to him about the situation and let him know you are worried about what happens if this goes on too long. See if he understands and is willing to do anything about it. If not then you have some problems.

Answer 8

You are both really busy, but it sounds like he is putting himself first. He is spending more time with his friends than with you. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. It's not healthy to treat a marriage this way. Make plans for the two of you to have a quiet dinner and rent a few movies, then tell him how you miss him.

Answer 9

Whew! I feel tired just reading it. You two should sit down and talk about this. Eliminate something for pete sake! You must have loved each other to marry, right? Get things back into perspective. Your relationship should be the most important thing.

Answer 10

cut the grass with him on sat and sunday. organise dinner alone with him sunday afternoon. attend sporting events with him. that way you get to spend lots of time with him