How to THINK POSITIVE about my LIFE and find HOPE again?

Question

for about 2 years i have been suffering from having some career disapointments and emotional as well. i spent alot of time with no hope and still. and this makes me un able to put my self together back on track again. now i m many steps after my colleagues i graduated with. and also younger colleagues too. and most are married now. and i m not. and because all of that i didnt gain that much success financially.all of these ideas furstrate me more and more. they work as a cycle of thoughts wich each leads to the next. i realize that this is very wrong thinking pattern. but when i stop it. it comes back again.. i cant stop feeling depresed from these ideas.
How to stop this thinking pattern?
How to feel hope in my future again? realizing that i m steps away backward from my colleagues?
Is it real to stop thinking about what others expect me to do?
How to stop thnking about my past mistakes that makes me feel so stupid infront of myself?

How to Love myself again? How to feel HOPE?

Answer 1

I often do things backwards (like have kids before getting married for example) and have had a lot of consequences to deal with before I have been able to feel successfull in my life... But mostly my frustration has been a direct result of my choices and lifestyle. I'm not saying this is the case with you of course, I'm just telling you what I know to be true for myself... I used to get depressed and struggled because I knew that my potential wasn't being reached while I watched friends and peers from school go on with their lives and be successfull. What it came down to for me was accepting my past mistakes and decisions, becoming thankful for the gifts that I have in my life today, and making a conscious effort to improve myself as the opportunities are available to do so. I had to learn that others couldn't make my life happen, that I was responsible for myself, and then I had to take responsibility. I found that when I took care of my life (living life on life's terms) I was given opportunities to achieve my goals and I started to be more forgiving to myself. I realize that it really does matter what others think of us, but what matters MOST is what you think of yourself, and that should ALWAYS come first. I don't know if that makes sense. So that's my advice- take responsibility of your life, your actions, and keep trying. It doesn't happen overnight. It's taken me 8 years to straighten out my mess, and I'm still working on it! I hope you can find peace :)

Answer 2

First of all...take a deep breath. stop thinking so much... at least about all the negatives. everything u've discussed here has NOTHING positive at all....that is why u feel so helpless, no hope for the future. i feel that for you, the hardest thing of all is to see any positivity in your life...which means, either u have NOTHING good at all in ur life to be thankful for, or more likely, that u are not able to see what you DO have because u keep dwelling on the "what if's". =T

1) that is Not Healthy
2) that is not gonna do you ANY good, and u know it
3) if u don't do something Different, it won't change.

if anything, u have Potential. u have potential for graduation, u have potential for a good job, u have potential to learn, u have potential to find a girlfriend. remember that. having said this, and if u agree w/ it, u have to realize that up to a certain point, yes, there ARE many disappointing things in your life. ESPECIALLY when u compare it to other people from your graduating class, or younger people, etc. and that sucks. and that doesn't make u happy. *However*.... that doesn't mean u are destined to stay this way! remember....the Future = The Ability to Change. that means, tomorrow, u have no idea what can, or will happen. same goes for 5 days from now, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years.. u have NO idea where ur life is gonna go! it can get better, it can get worse. that's true. but u can try your best to make a Difference for tomorrow. that means making Better decisions. Learning more. Accepting that yes, the past was bad; but taking that acceptance, and Changing it for tomorrow.

here's the thing: u can NEVER go back and achieve what u wanted, at the same time your peers have. that is something u cannot go back in time and do. =T...and i'm sorry that it bothers you that much. however, have u ever considered that u CAN achieve the same, or even better, even if it is at a later period of time? =T u have the ability change Yourself, and that's it. u can't change what other people think of u, of what other people do, or don't do... only yourself. therefore, take this time and effort and Potential that u have, and WORK ON YOURSELF: work on ur confidence, start from the simplest thing, and trust me, it will help u build up your life.

so, my advice to u, would be first to take some time out and work on yourself: that means your appearance. work out, change how you see yourself; get a new haircut, take care of ur skin, try on some new clothes, flattering and in style; make some effort on LOOKING GOOD, and FEELING GOOD/PROUD about yourself. next, work on your mind. study, read, discuss, ask questions, find the answers, read the news, be knowledgable, find some hobbies and learn all u can. the more you KNOW, the more confident u can be in your ability to think, solve problems, speak to strangers, etc etc. the more u have an open mind, and learn more, and seek to learn more, the more u will understand about yourself and ur surroundings.

remember, this is all to Better Yourself in ALL aspects of your life; this will help in your Work, in your relationships, and eventually in Meeting People. the more confident u are about yourself, the easier it will be for you to work harder @ work, and give more in relationships. you are doing all of this WORK for the Future: because u groom yourself, ur appearance, ur mind, become a great Person and Man, the more likely u will see that u deserve a wonderful Person and Woman. but u will not be able to see that, nor find that, if u didn't take the time out to work on yourself and ur confidence. this also translates at work; the more confident u are about ur smarts, and ur abilities, the more u will be able to struggle forward and achieve that success you desperately want. and u know what...i think that as u transform the way u feel and think about yourself and ur life, u will realize that even if u don't get what u Wanted in terms of comparing urself to others, u can see that you have SOMETHING. that potential that u have, u are doing something about it. and that, in itself, is worth it, even if u are "not where u want to be" yet.

so, long story short, the more u work on yourself, the more u can love yourself. the more opportunities and doors you can open, the more hope u cultivate for the future, is all based on your ability to ACCEPT the past, and CHANGE the future. u CAN do it, if u try your hardest. until then, u have no "right" to complain..!! :) and the more u try, the easier it will be to pick urself up when things go bad. u just have to take the 1st step.... remember to keep Positive, Healthy, and Happy things and people around you, and filter out the negative. negative things will do you NO GOOD. it allows time to pass and yet nothing will Change. all things positive will do you SO MUCH GOOD...even if it doesn't always go your way. good luck, and don't harbor such negative thoughts.... it's ok. life is wonderful, it is painful, it is everything, it is nothing. what u MAKE of it, and how u deal with it, is what will help you GROW...and that is most important.

Answer 3

I've realized something. It's much easier to think negative that it is to think positive. Why? It's just good ol' Amercian culture. So, break away from it. Wake up every morning and tell yourself it a damn beautiful day! and smile! And one more important key. Believe it!! If you believe it then you can't be thinking negative can you? remember. "Negativity Is The Path To Self-Destruction" Don't let yourself. If your feeling depressed, here's what i do, just go and run. Pour sweat, excercise. Do what you have to do. Whenever you are depressed you must make yourself physically active to use the excess energy of your mind. Feeling of depression releases a negative energy in your mind that weakens your enthusiasm and hope regarding life and work. It also weakens the immune system of your body making it a breeding ground of many diseases. This energy can best be used by some vigorous physical exercise. Do the exercise you like. You may play music or your favorite songs along with it. Hope this helps. Remember Think Positive, even if it sounds dumb and don't think it will help and believe it.

Answer 4

Well first of all, everyone makes mistakes. Don't compare yourself to others so much, just worry about what is going on in your life. Everything that is meant to happen will happen in time. Maybe you should consider seeing a counselor to work on your thinking pattern. I'm a firm believer that everyone could benefit from seeing a counselor once a week, just to sort out your feelings. I always try to focus on the good things in my life, and when I think about the things I don't like I try to focus on what I can to do change it. You have a lot more power over your life than you may think.

Answer 5

Sounds like you have hit a rough patch - which is normal. Everyone does sooner or later. Whether you are feeling positive or not one thing should never change and that is your understanding who you are is not based on what you do and has nothing to do with what others are doing. Your only competition is yourself. Try to beat your own best score.

I suggest that you gain a realistic perspective of where you are right now by making a two column list. Column 1 shows what you are grateful for at this moment while Column 2 lists what you are not grateful for at this moment. You will see that although you feel like poo right now about yourself those feelings are not based in fact. Feelings will change but facts do not.

Another suggestion is that perhaps you have been on the wrong path for you and it can't be sustained. I look at people who are most like me, family members, and I note who is doing well and who is not. I make it a point to go and visit the first five who comes to mind. We talk about what was going on in thier lives at my age. Usually, the timeframe that makes or breaks you is the same from generation to generation. The family members who are successful can share with you how they got out of the rut. The family members who got stuck can tell you why they never got out of the rut.

Usually when you are in a rut, you need to just calm down and wait. Work on self improvement or take time to write letters to elderly family members, shop for new babies and before you know it the break that you need happens. You may want to use the time to write notes of congratulations to all of your friends who are doing well to let them know how proud you are of their accomplishments and write notes of encouragements to those friends of yours who are not fairing so well including yourself.

There will always be sunny days and rainy days in our life so just accept it and behave appropriately. Show love for others and it will come back to you. So stop having a pity party and get on with living. Remember it's rainy days that help us to really be grateful for sunny days. Best to you!

Answer 6

A little tough on yourself, aren't you? Do you intend to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself over mistakes you made in the past? I am sorry, but humans learn by screwing up. That's what we do. You will be fine if you can realize that, learn from you mistakes, make ammends the best you can, then drop it and move on from today. Period. What would be the point in continuing living if we tortured ourselves for the rest of our lives every time we disappointed or goofed up? You live, you learn, you laugh, you love. First and foremost you need to love yourself. You sound like you are sending your own hate mail. Jeez. Are you this tough on everyone or just you? How would you treat your best friend? Brother? Sister? lover? Treat yourself at least that good, okay?

Seems to me if you learned from the mistakes you made, picked yourself up and continued on, then good for you. If you contine calling yourself stupid and being miserable, don't you think that is unfair? Do you plan to ruin the rest of your life over what happened yesterday??? I would hope not, truly. Live on. Look forward. Are you going in the direction you hoped for? Are you accomplishing any short term goals, long term goals in your personal and professional life? If not, then lets get started on a plan.

Have you seen a therapist at all? A two-second answer for me is not going to help what looks like something you have been thinking long and hard about and dealing with for a loooong time.

With that said, here's my answer: Today you are right where you need to be in your life. There is not some preset map that dots each milestone in some ordered manner. Some people get married and have kids in their teens and go work on their professional careers later. Some people need to mature before they can focus on either. All of us are individuals with our own needs, our own issues, and our own fears. Just because this friend did this or that friend did that, it does not mean they are so much better off than you. There is no set of rules that applies to us all when it comes to success.

You sound very unhappy. What is it that you want? Make a plan and head there, one step at a time and start encouraging yourself and being kind. You don't need beat up. You need inspired. So do it. You sound depressed. Let me just tell you something: Today is a gift. Don't waste it on remorse.

I wish you the very best and hope you go talk to a pro for a little while. They may have a perspective that you've never considered. It will all get better I promise you, but you are in control of that. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You sound like sensitive, intelligent person.

You could start by telling me ten things you love about you. Can you do it? After you figure that out, you can tell me ten things that are important to you. That's how it all starts. It starts with you and then goes from there.

Dr. Phil wrote a very good book called, "Self Matters". At Barnes and Noble there are shelves of very helpful books that are pretty cheap that can kind of give you a road map to your life when you've lost your way. You could start there. I am sure there are very good websites too, but I haven't searched so I can't say for sure. Best of life to you.

Answer 7

The very best advice I can give you is to live for today, cause it's all we've got really. You can learn from past mistakes, but you have to move on for your future. Don't dwell on what was, what could've/should've been, cause you can't change it. Apply the positive, delete the negative, and just be greatful that you were blessed with today. Who knows if you'll wake up tomorrow? Good luck and God bless!

Answer 8

Write an appreciation magazine. save it hassle-free. appropriate now, write down ten issues you're grateful for. sparkling water, freedom from oppression, freedom of religion, your automobile, your wellness, friends, kin, love, people who have fun with you, human beings you're approximately to fulfill, your next job, your destiny in heaven with a Father who might not at all ignore you? chum, you won't be in a position to hit upon the money for to be depressed- and with all the motives for being happy, you could exchange your concentration, provide up evaluating your self to different persons, and commence dancing on your guy or woman attractive drum. God made you to do something no different individual will ever have the skill to do, and you will not fulfill that ingredient, once you're beating your self up over inherent ameliorations. you're actually not what you do, you're who you're. save your profession, and your internet nicely worth separate out of your value as somebody individual. God needs you to be overwhelmingly happy. Do what you pick to do, and locate a thank you to make it pay- in that order!

Answer 9

learn from past mistakes. write down your coarse of action and hang it up so you see it every day. stay on coarse. 85% of marriages end in divorce court with 90% men paying child support.
find your self be fun and active, eat non processed foods stay off caffeine( very bad stuff)
weigh the pros and con of every decision you make, and choose the best.
when i gave up caffeine i though i was going to die for 2 weeks , migraines and depressed and mad. on the 15th day all was better,
big difference in being free, sleep better, better thought pattern.
caffeine stimulates all your body's organs, and is a vasoconstrictor.
my veins actually are much bigger and better flow. might lead to varicose veins according to my Doctor but i feel great.
dont measure yourself by others , find your rock bottom and climb on out slowly, dont fall back.
good luck.

Answer 10

Well first of all, you have to deal with all the stress little by little. You have to take the time to mark out what is wrong and how to fix it. Dealing with your issues can be stressful but its good for the soul. Ask God for some guidance. Read the bible and see if you can get some answers. It's all going to take some time for you to get back on track. This process is all depending on how you deal with stress. Either you can't deal with it or you are good with dealing with it. You have to step over all of the stones in order to build a new life. I hope that you figure it out. It's all up to you to figure out what you are going to do and how you are going to fix these issues mentally.