My husband cheated on me and we are now starting to try to work things out but he keeps going out with freinds and I am sencing that he is lying to me but I am the kind of person that doesnt like confertation and cant seem to make myself tell him how I really feel, I feel like if he really wanted to work things out he would be at home with me and his new baby.
2006-09-11 07:05:29 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I used to not like confrontation either, but I found that people were walking all over me and they had no respect for me. Finally one day I spoke my mind to someone and it felt great!! People may not necessarily like what you have to say, but you need to be honest with your feelings. Especially to your husband. He had no right to cheat on you in the first place. And you need to be honest with him. Otherwise, he is going to keep on doing it. He knows he can yank you around because you don't stand up for yourself. He needs to know where you stand and if he can't respect you, you need to get out.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. He is going not to stop.
If you can't talk to him about it, try writing a letter. Your feeling salways come out better on paper. If he can't see where his priorities are at home with you and baby, then he doesn't deserve to have you. Stand up for yourself and have some self respect. If you can't respect yourself, no one can respect you!!
Your child should not be raised in that kind of environment, it's a vicious cycle.
I feel for you, I don't mean to sound rude. I know how it is from outsid the circle. My father cheated on my mother. She is very much like you, too.
Be strong, you will be amazed at how good it feels!!!
Best of luck!!
2006-09-11 07:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband should be at home with you and the baby.
I think that you should go to marriage counseling.
If he refuses to go, that's probably a big clue.
If he won't go, then you should go. A counselor will help you to sort things out in your head, and give you suggestions on how to communicate your feelings without arguing.
Communicating doesn't have to be confrontational, but I think you are probably very emotional for a lot of reasons. His cheating, hormones from having baby, etc. When we are highly emotional we tend to not be able to communicate effectively. It's not really about you needing a backbone. It's about learning that you deserve to be respected, and you being able to demand it. Not about yelling, or telling him off. Usually, people who get yelled at just tune you out.
I wish you and your baby the best.
2006-09-11 14:53:40 · answer #2 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to not feel sorry for yourself. I'm not being insulting, i swear, I'm just saying that you have to recognize the problem as an objective one, rather than an insult against you personally. You need a man who cares about you. Tell him that. Tell him that you need a man who loves you and cares about you and doesn't make you feel alone. Tell him that if he isn't willing to be that man, then you and your baby will find one who is. If he doesn't change, leave him. If you don't want to leave him even if he isn't willing to leave you, then you have to bear it as best you can.
Just remeber, never threaten to leave your man unless you are very sure you will go through with it if he doesn't do as you ask. If you go back on your threat you lose all the respect you may have for yourself.
Good luck. There are good men out there. If your guys isn't it, someone will be willing to take his place in your life.
2006-09-11 17:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you have somewhere to go. Pack up you and your new born. you can show hem better than you can tell hem. If he comes to get you tell hem you want come back twice. some men don't believe you would ever really leave. some men like to no a woman is at home crying. some need to be shocked into reality. some women will be treated like that for the rest of there lives. decide what woman you are and let hem decide if he wants to keep it together.
2006-09-11 14:31:55 · answer #4 · answered by dillydoll727 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We treat people how to treat us. As long as you allow him to treat you this way, this is exactly how he will continue to treat you. His cheating on you, means that he does not respect you. If you choose to forgive him, he must be an open book and share everything about his day in order for you to be able to once again begin to trust him. Nothing kills a marriage faster than doubt. Why would you want to be with a man that you cannot trust. You have to show some self-respect, and take care of you and your baby. You have a responsibility to that beautiful child of yours. If he doesn't commit to you and your marriage, you need to move on and take care of yourself and your child. Get a babysitter, and start looking for a job that will support you and your baby. Don't wait until he leaves you before you take control and do what it is that you need to do to survive. If he can't commit to your marriage and work on your problems, you must move on and find happiness elsewhere. You're a strong capable woman, don't allow yourself to be a floormat. Take care of you and your child....Be a good role-model for your child, otherwise he/she will learn that it is acceptable for someone to treat them this way. Kids learn by example...Be a good teacher Mom!
2006-09-11 14:19:29 · answer #5 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just going to have to bite the bullet and get some answers from him. He knows your not going to come to him and ask questions so he's doing what he wants. When he leaves the house, get yourself a babysitter and turn into your alter ego. We all have one. Let him know that you are still sexy as hell and if he doesn't want you someone else will, with baby and all.
2006-09-11 14:20:59 · answer #6 · answered by elementsoflife06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1...he cheated on you...
2...yall have a new baby...
3...he prolly is lying to you...
4...sorry, but he's not ready to be a father and a husband at the same time!!! Good Luck!!!
2006-09-11 14:16:53 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,its better if you start communicating cos thats the core of every relationship and i also suggest that you move out of this cos you dont trust him.trust is the foundation of every relationship and if trust starts shaking you have a warning to reconsider!!
2006-09-11 14:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not a mind reader. If you need something, you have to TELL HIM. You can't get mad at him because he's not behaving the way you "think" he should, if you haven't told him what your expectations are.
2006-09-11 14:19:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you giving him enough sex? That could be a reason. He is looking for love elsewhere. Maybe you are not just not getting the job done at home. Sorry.
2006-09-11 14:16:54 · answer #10 · answered by John Archer 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋