Why is it that a lot of people believe that before having children you should wait until you are married? Why is that? Can’t two people be in love and already have been together longer then some married couples have been?
I have been with my boyfriend for five years going on six, we want to have a baby, and we have lived together for 4 and half years. We are very much in love, and do plan on having a baby and in time get married. Everyone I talked to say I should get married first for the kid. I want to know what everyone thinks about this?
2006-09-11 06:54:03 · 30 answers · asked by Just me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My opinion is, it's your life you do what you and your mate think it's best for you guys. You will never make people happy, they will always have something to say.. It's part of life you could never satisfy them, but remember it's your life. Don't let no one tell you what you should or shouldn't do. If you and your mate think you guys are ready to have a child then you should go for it. I myself am a proud parent of a 10 year old child and all I could tell you is being a mom has been a great experience and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes marriage works for some and sometimes it doesn't work for others. My main thing is if you guys really love each other it will not change or make a difference if you do or don't sign a paper. You have already been bless to have found someone who loves you. Don't worry so much about others, worry about what you and your mate want. I wish you all the best life has to offer you...
2006-09-11 07:17:09 · answer #1 · answered by hazelshine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if you are in a stable relationship, then that is as good as being married. The only thing I would say, is that ensure you are with your partner long term before you have kids, because having a child is a tie for life and although you can separate the financial and emotion implications for you and the kid are enormous.
So, I agree marriage is no guarantee of commitment - but couples need to take a long hard look at their future before deciding to have kids, either way.
2006-09-11 13:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a child before or after marriage is ones own decision. The only one that can tell you if it right or wrong is you. I know plenty of people who had children before marriage. Some worked out some didn't. I don't think that the children had anything to do with it. I just believe that when you have a child with someone that person is a part of your life forever and is someone that you could never forget about. As for me I wanted the man to be apart of my life forever to be my husband. That is a choice that I made but I also knew that if it happened before then I would still love that child and be grateful for them just as I am for my child now.
2006-09-11 14:00:48 · answer #3 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, I pondered this question many times, The only answer i can come up with is it depends on your values. Morally, it is up to you, Society says no sex b-4 marriage, no kids b-4 marriage. Hello, 50 years after the 50's. it's up to you and weather or not you can provide for the child a home and alot of support, (financially and emotionaly). i had 2 children before marriage, i DO NOT regret it, and my morals and values are alot different that what bible thumping america says it should be, with that said they are 14 and 7 y/of age, Thriving and very sharp students according to their teachers, i personally screwed up 4 yrs ago by getting married, (not to their father) but you live and learn, go w/how you feel
2006-09-11 14:01:35 · answer #4 · answered by okiedokie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing to say you HAVE to get married first, but I can tell you from experience, relationships do change when you're legally bound together. Especially with a baby, you need to consider that something happened between you and your boyfriend, he would not necessarily be legally bound to you or that child.
That's probably a little more pessimistic, but think about how many people are left with children who have no fathers (or mothers) because that parent left.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-11 13:59:37 · answer #5 · answered by Cara M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do what makes you feel best!!! Now a days it doesn't matter but there are a few that believe other wise.. I was preg. when i got married and i have been with my husband since i was 15yrs I'm now 28 and been married 8yrs. My mother-in-law pitched a fit about us being married before the baby came so we got married to make her happy but should have waited until we decided we wanted to... so with all that being said do what you feel is right for you and all the best wishes on all...:)
2006-09-11 13:59:53 · answer #6 · answered by brutalA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married is your legal right to have children.
If married couples sepates or gets divorced how much more would it be easy for unmarried couple and at the expense of their chldren.
If as you say you are both madly in love plans to have kids and get married,
What then are the things keeping you from getting married in the first place.
You don't need to spend so much get married.
2006-09-11 14:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by yulnores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not gonna get married and I want to have kids, and so does my girlfriend. We don't believe in marriage, we believe true love is all that we need to commit to each other. People who say you should (or worse, have to) get married before you have children are usually just old-fashioned people who care way too much about perpetuating tradition or religious zealots who compulsively try to stick their noses in other people's business, either way I wouldn't care about what they say. I say, if you want to have kids and feel prepared for that kind of responsibility, screw marriage and peer-pressure and go for it.
2006-09-11 14:43:59 · answer #8 · answered by Ricardo P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't really matter if you're married or not before the baby is born or you get pregnant... Unless that is your religion to be married before conception... I can tell you that it's easier to fill out all that after baby paperwork if you're already married... My husband and I were not married when we had our son and the hospital gave him my last name it took 2 years to get it fixed to my husbands last name... Just be sure that everything gets filled out properly... Good Luck with what ever you do...
2006-09-11 14:02:00 · answer #9 · answered by secret agent lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutely get married so that the law will protect you and the child in ways it will not if you are not married. This bit that you and others spout about "We will get married in time, but..." is sheer nonsense. If you want to play house, get married. It's called COMMITMENT!! Try it, the both of you, and do not put a child in the mix until you do!!
Chow!!
2006-09-11 14:00:14 · answer #10 · answered by No one 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋