I think not. He blew it. So he was turning 40. Everyone turns 40 or dies. No excuse for moving out to get involved with someone else. My mother in law is trying to get me to take him back. Am I wrong to say no? We have two kids under 6.
2006-09-11 06:32:36 · 15 answers · asked by jenna b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was involved with the first person for three months. Then who knows what he has been doing with whom for the past 6 months.
My mother says kick him to the curb. "You can do better." ( but she likes living with me and thinks that would change if I take him back. Everyone has an agenda here.)
2006-09-11 06:42:20 · update #1
Do like other people's wives do.
Take some time to make a decision. You can stall finalizing the divorce, without dropping it. A 6 month deferral of finalization is common in many states with a simple request to the judge, but some depend on how long you ask for, and some leave it continued indefinitely, if that is what you request.
If he was gone for 9 months, of which he was with another for 3, he may not have done anything in the interim 6 months.
Perhaps you could give him 9 months to atone for his errors and prove his sincerity, BEFORE you let him move back in, or move in with him. He may convince you he is right or wrong before the 9 months, but don't be forced into a decision, and inform them that you will not be forced into accepting him back, that it is your decision.
It also depends on how he treated you during the message.
This is not a decision that has to be made this week or even this month. If he does try to force it before you are convinced, then maybe it isn't right, and you should both move on.
It sounds like he hurt you quite a bit, but you do share two children. I really don't know enough about your history, Take your time to decide what is best for you and your children, but PLEASE, don't demonize your children's father to them.
Take sometime, and don't let him or your mother-in-law to pressure you, and inform them the pressure is making you uncomfortable and reducing the possibility for reconciliation.
Good luck to you,
Sincerely
P.S. There seem to be a few bitter women on here, and they may have good reason. You too are hurt right now, and have been for 9 months. Do you want to be bitter also?
2006-09-19 06:09:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
All men have mid life crisis' but that still doesn't justify wot he did 2 u. i wudnt take him bk! it wasn't just u that he left, it was ur young children as well. how do u no that he isn't going 2 do it 2 u again? i think that he just used the excuse of a mid life crisis 2 sleep with other women. ur mother in law shud have sum repsect 4 u and let u make ur own decisions. she shudnt get invloved and shud b ashamed of wot her son has done 2 u and her grandchildren!! it also seems that u have made ur mind up "he blew it"... stick 2 ur decision and dont let n e 1 force u in2 doing sumthing u dont want 2. in the long run it will b the best thing 4 u AND ur children, hopefully from this mistake that he has made it will make him a better and stronger father 2 ur children.
2006-09-11 13:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with you. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior, and if you no longer love him then you should not try again. But if you still have feelings for him, and you might not know what they are right now because you are soooooo angry and hurt, then you should go to a good marriage counselor and talk about it what led to this problem in the first place. Everyone deserves forgiveness, some people even deserve a second chance, but it is entirely up to you and what you can deal with. Don't let anyone pressure you into making a quick decision, not your MIL or your ex, or even love for your children.
2006-09-11 13:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by Sonia Jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your decision & yours only. Your mother-in-law just don't want to be bothered with her son's issues. You are right, he used that mid-life crisis as an excuse & would jumb out there again if you let him get away with it. Ask him how would he have responded if the shoe would have been on the other foot with you leaving & asking to come back. He's going to say that he would take you back when you know d___ well that he's lying. This should be your way of knowing if you can trust him again or not. Wish you luck!
2006-09-11 13:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No! He blew it! Turning 40 is not an excuse to cheat...hell, there isn't a good reason to cheat. Hope when he's lying down in bed he is unable to sleep because he regrets everything he's done.
Men can be so fricken clueless sometimes...what does he expect you to do? Accept him back with open arms? Forget all the pain he caused? Cross your fingers that when he turns 45 he won't do the same thing?
He has SOME nerve! But I bet is great to see him beg!
Good Luck!
2006-09-11 13:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by Melia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey you know everybody makes mistakes right. everybody is human, See my wife had an affair. We put the house up for sale and everything, My life was crumbling around me. I asked one question and it was DO YOU LOVE ME, she said yes I said well maybe we have a chance. We are trying our best I forgave but its hard to forget. Almost a year has gone by and the house didnt sell why I dont know maybe faith, carma anyways theres a reason for everything. You have to remember I have 17 years of mariage. How many did you have, does the good outway the bad times. Do you still love him, does he still love you only you know,,,,,what is your gut telling you. You decide not the public. Look at what is best for you and your kids but you do it for you not the kids because its your health here.. Kids are strong they go with the flow but us as adults well its different. Hope this helps good luck
2006-09-11 13:44:25 · answer #6 · answered by Funny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him then try otherwise don't. Do what you are comfortable with. Who cares what other people think you are the one that has to live if your decision. If you think that there is not hope and no chance then you are doing the right things. But if you think that there is a chance he won't do it again and it might work tell him that he is on probation for the rest of his life. The main things is that you do what you can live with and you want to. People can tell you what they think but they are not the ones that have to live with it.
2006-09-11 13:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you willing to undergo counseling? Yes, the kids ARE a consideration, but they deserve to be raised by two parents who love each other and are loving to each other. What did he blow? Did he have an affair or one-night stand? More than one? Give it a try with a marriage counselor. You guys need to communicate.
2006-09-11 13:38:44 · answer #8 · answered by Mars 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up and leave you alone! The only reason, I feel, that he's still coming around..is because of the comfort zone he has/had with you...Until he finds someone new and does it all over again....Mid life crisis my A$$!!! Stick to your guns and don't put your kids through that same crap twice!!!
2006-09-11 13:40:35 · answer #9 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would he feel? Would he take you back if you had a 'midlife crisis' and slept with the Dallas Cowboys?
Probably not.
2006-09-11 13:36:28 · answer #10 · answered by Laquishacashaunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋