my husband and i have been married for a year now and i love him so much. but whenever i get home he has to be constantly around like if he goes to the bathroom he wants me there, if i go the office he comes with me and i have to take a shower with the door open, there can never be closed doors with him. why is he so clingy?
2006-09-11 06:26:08 · 27 answers · asked by boo bear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no i have never cheated and i dont think he has been cheated on, but he constantly thinks im cheating on him with his bf. i've told him about giving me space and his answer is if i want space its because i dont want to be with him and then he gets all depressed about the situation then he lays a guilt trip on me too
2006-09-11 06:34:10 · update #1
and he's always checking my email, he has all my passwords to everything
2006-09-11 06:37:10 · update #2
no u are not being a b****.. it's obvious that your husband's actions are very....undesirable. however, u need to be able to Communicate w/ him, in a Productive and Proactive manner, that will help him 1) understand how u feel, and 2) do something about it that is Positive (instead of feeling that u want space so u can cheat).
what i learned recently is that men and women think VERY differently...so for you, what seems extremely Logical, to him, may mean something else!! u have to be able to speak to him, in a way he can understand your feelings, step by step. for example, My boyfriend one time called me heavy, somewhat jokingly, but still! i had to *explain* to him that it hurts my feelings. to me its very logical, to him he didn't realize it would make me feel Fat. cuz to him, heavy does not = fat, but to me heavy = fat. so i had to explain that, and then state why it made me feel bad. guys guys.. tut tut tut!
perhaps u can first explain to him what "clingy" means to you. then u can explain that his actions, which u feel are "clingy", kinda turn you off. make you feel uncomfortable, and THAT'S what makes you feel like u need more space, not just because u are averse to your husband in general. perhaps he doesn't realize that its his actions that bug you, not Him Personally. and yes, he does need to work on his trust factor, but u can help him w/ that. obviously u love him , u married him! so u can explain to him, that instead of thinking about completely unproductve things such as cheating with a best friend, etc, u can tell him that you Married Him. if he loves and trusts u as he says, he would not marry a Cheater. therefore, he needs to trust that you are NOT a cheater. also, if he doesn't trust the friend, u can say that u will not hang out w/ him if it bothers him. ask him what HE wants u to do, or needs u to do, in order to make him trust you more. perhaps your efforts to figure that out will help him calm down....
remember, men and women think differently. u gotta find out how HE thinks about the situation, even if logically it seems like he is just clingy and annoying.. perhaps he's gone thru something where someone cheated, and tried to get away from him, etc etc, and he is just putting that on you. get to the root of it, and try to do something Proactive; perhaps u have to change behavior in order to encourage postiive behavior in him. good luck, but keep up the Communication. maybe u need to verbalize and do things that show your Love for him more, and he will feel more comfortable w/ your commitment.... ? :) u can do it, just work together. always together.....
2006-09-11 06:44:20 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not a B i tch. He is too clingy and he has some serious issues! I would make him start seeing a pshyciatrist! He needs to back off and give you space. Explain to him that if he doesnt back off some he will drive you to want a divorce because no one can live like that, having the shower door have to be open, never being able to go to the bathroom without him, etc.
2006-09-11 14:06:48 · answer #2 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!!!
Ok... First of all.... This is "NOT"... repeat... "NOT" normal behavior, and it wreaks of emotional issues. Can you say the word.... THERAPY.
Run... don't walk to the nearest counselor, because no matter what anyone else may tell you his behavior is not adorable, loving and cute. For that matter it's down right unacceptable. Was he like this prior to marriage? If you noticed this behavior prior to marriage and you choose to marry him anyway, you were perhaps should have not moved forward with the marriage.
If this was not the case, and this behavior only manifested itself after being married, then he definitely experienced/and is still dealing with some issue from his past that's causing this behavior to surface only now that you both are married.
Not addressing this will only make it worse. If you've never cheated on him... the issue then, would not be so much about you but the fact that someone or something from past relationships set the stage for him to behavior this way.
Sounds like marriage counseling should be a top priority in your lives..... especially his.
2006-09-11 13:52:18 · answer #3 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't clingy, he's a controlling manipulator. His behavior is not normal, and just because it's under the guise of being 'in love', or 'caring' doesn't make it any different. Think of it this way: would YOU ever have these types of expectations of him? I'll bet the answer is no. You'd probably think it was weird, which is is.
This doesn't mean you need a divorce, this means you need to identify the problem, and assert yourself. Become the queen of 'flip-it'.
When he insists on something you find uncomfortable, say "no, thank you". If the accusations come, toss the ball back. "What you are saying is not true, I don't have these expectations of you, and it's not okay for you to have them of me."
You see, you are caring a great deal more for his feelings than he is for yours. A caring person, when told they are doing something that makes the person they care about uncomfortable, apologizes and changes his behavior (Like you are doing by accompanying him the the bathroom(!?!) and taking a shower with the door open. But when you say - I don't like that, only his feelings matter.
To deal with this kind of manipulation, you must be on your toes constantly to nip it in the bud, but it can be done, and it won't stop until you do.
Next, make statements about his behavior to him if it bothers you. "I haven't done anything to deserve (X)" (to be accused of having an affair, etc...). "I'm glad our relationship is so important to you, but I don't see any evidence that my feelings matter to you as much as yours matter to me."
STOP caring more about the relationship than your husband does. When he questions you, simply say "Well, I noticed that you didn't care what I thought about that, so I decided that it must not matter much to you."
Allow these things to be conversation starters. If accusations or fighting begin, just walk away (out of the house, or the room). Say "I don't think this is productive, when you are ready to have a conversation, let me know. Here is how you can reach me."
Lastly, figure out what makes him feel loved, and do that.
Your marriage needs to be a secure place for him. For my dearest, it's little gift now and then (so he knows I'm thinking of him when we're apart), and the fact that I rise with him (and the birds) and make him coffee and a lunch to take to work.
Your sweetie doesn't know anything about love, and you married him, so you have to teach him and learn along with him. He is operating through his fears and you need to let him know that it doesn't work for you.
You have to fight for your marriage and help create a place of peace in your home and lives together. Part of that is not allowing intrusions, whether from outside the marriage and within it, to wreck it. You are part of that equation and to have the giving in any area be so heavily weighted to one side is an attack on the marriage. Sometimes fighting for the marriage means fighting for YOU.
2006-09-11 14:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No tell him he is hovering and relax in his chair and youre right down the hall and you will be back in 1/2 hour or whatever. Makes me wonder if someone cheated on him before...this usually ahappens only in the first month..
2006-09-11 13:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be insecure OR very much in love. Have you kindly told him you would like more privacy?Tell him kindly, you need a little more time to you. After reading other peoples questions I think it is nice to read about a husband who wants to be around his wife, but it is being taken a little to far.
2006-09-11 13:29:10 · answer #6 · answered by loladoreen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, I couldn't handle that! He's very clingy!
I love having my husband around, but I also need some private time ... like when I'm on the potty!
Talk to him and find out why he's like that?
2006-09-11 13:30:19 · answer #7 · answered by Lady J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My woman and I have agreed ,the first 30-45mins home after work we stay out of each others way .It's a common practice, it allows a transition from WORK to HOME mode.
2006-09-11 13:34:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
UGH! That would drive me nuts. Assert yourself and set some boundries. It sounds like its already gotten out of hand. He's either insecure or a control freak.
2006-09-11 13:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all that's to clingy. Talk to him tell him about. Cause its affecting u and ur marriage. Do some counseling maybe he has pent up issues
2006-09-11 13:36:28 · answer #10 · answered by Babe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋