My husband can be really nasty sometimes. He has never properly hit me but has done some other bad stuff, like pinning me up against walls, threatening me, threatening to burn my brother's house down etc etc etc. I want to leave him and have decided to get a house with my Dad. We went to see one today. The only thing is, now my husband is being all nice and says he has turned over a new leaf... Now I feel really guilty for leaving. He has said this before but it always goes pear shaped again. I need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing! He doesn't know I'm leaving yet...
2006-09-11
05:43:55
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19 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for your advice everyone.
Just so you knwo this has been goingon for many years (I know, I should have left him at the start, but it isn't that easy!!) and I have packed my bags and threatened to leave umpteen times before!! I am actually going to go through with it this time though. I just feel so bad about it.
2006-09-11
05:55:26 ·
update #1
Wow that sounds very familiar. The day I left was when he said he had been having visions all day of burning down my parents house with my parents still in it. He had also done very similar things like pinned me against walls. He also tried to strangle me on a couple of occasions while he was really drunk. He was *always* very verbally abusive and by the end I felt like I was just a shell of the person I used to be and I knew that if I stayed in the marriage I might not only die physically, but emotionally I would have for sure been dead in time. I know it's very hard to leave. I felt the same way, I actually felt guilty about leaving this ******** that had ruined my life. But I can tell you when you get out it's like this huge weight has been lifted. I have never felt better in my entire life. I remember the first few weeks I would do things just waiting for the nasty comments to come, but they didn't and it wasn't until I was out of the situation that I really realized just how bad things were. I knew that even if I was lonely and miserable I'd still be happier than I was with him. My divorce will be final in 11 days and I cannot wait. I feel like I'm OK and there is nothing better than feeling like you can make it on your own and still be okay. Good luck sweetie, I hope things work out. If he is really that bad I would say you are definitely better off without him. There are other guys out there who are caring human beings and will treat you a lot better than this guy.
2006-09-11 05:55:19
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answer #1
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answered by Monika S 2
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Most abusers have a public and private persona. The public persona is often the complete polar opposite of their private persona. My guess is that he on some level has probably figured out that you could be leaving him sometime in the future from his comment about turning over a new leaf. The change could be permanent or temporary. Only time will tell if the change is permanent. I recommend keeping your future plans to leave him.
2006-09-11 12:54:04
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answer #2
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answered by dawncs 7
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he will always do that over and over nice next thing being nasty... and warn your brother about him saying that he going to burn his house down. and let him know before you leaving him...
Your husband so smart by just pinch you and put throw you on the wall but no bruse will shown.. he knows that if he did hit you and you have black and puprle then he in trouble. Now he knows that you and yoru dad looking for new house and he knows that once you leave him he will be crying... but if you go back he will do that over and over agian and if he said that he going to kill himself if you leave.. who cares leave.. because enough is enough for him to do that to you.
So, let dad and youf amily know asap to be aware what will happen if you leave him and making sure that family be ready for anything. If you don't then something bad happen to yoru family with out you warning them then you might felt bad and wish that you did tell them.
So be ready, I am a male and it not ok for men to hit woman pich women or threatening you , threatening your brother house one and on.. so be strong and your family will protect you too.. not alone. if get worst get police and get R.O. that will keep you more better safe and so your family need to do it the same.. smiling. I do wish you best of Luck smiling.
2006-09-11 12:50:44
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answer #3
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answered by greenbaypackers1920 6
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Past behaviour is an indication of future behaviour and you must learn the lessons that the past give you. These lessons will continue until you learn them. He will never change. It will continue like this. You say yourself he has said all this before and it still comes back to the same behaviour.
Look after yourself and continue on the road to purchasing a home with your dad.
2006-09-11 12:55:03
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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Yes you are doing the right thing. Like you said he has said it before but has gone back to the same old things. Leave now while you can. One day it will get out of hand and it will be your family who will be missing you. Good luck.
2006-09-11 12:49:32
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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i think that you are indeed doing the right thing. even though that you did not tell him that you are leaving him, maybe he sensed that you are finally fedup and that you are going to move on. naturally that would scare him back into his senses. but, when things go back to normal again, he is going to realise that he can again walk over you, and he is going to take you for granted like before, and think that he can have his way with you. we would all like to think that they will change, but you may wait forever for that. it is just a risk that you need to be willing to take. as you said, he promised to change previously, but he always goes back to being who he is. did you warn him previously? perhaps you need to tell him that this is the last chance you are willing to give him, and if he does not change, that is it. so if he does not change after that, you do not have to feel guilty about walking out on him, because you did give him a chance...all the best to you
2006-09-11 12:52:52
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answer #6
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answered by abstract 3
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You should feel bad. You did everything and it was his choice not to make things better. Know that you are doing the right thing. He has proved that he always go back to his old ways. Start living life and enjoy life. Good luck with everything.
2006-09-11 13:10:09
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answer #7
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answered by sscott12414 3
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Usually when a guy starts getting like this it almost always goes farther than you want it to. I say go ahead and move in with your Dad. Your Husband is telling you just what he wants you to hear.
2006-09-11 12:47:26
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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i say leave and stop waisting ur time.. men always lie to keep a leash on u.. they don't never change, they just say that to make it seem like they tried and u left.. u need to speak to a lawyer especially if u decide to leave him for good.. no one deserves to be physically or verbally abused or threatened.. u need to leave or there might not be a next time...
2006-09-11 12:49:43
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answer #9
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answered by Queen D 5
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if he's dping it a lot of times and you don't do some actions i'd rather say give him a lesson honey! he will not change if he knew you'll always forgive him.... try to separate with him for a while and leave your house without telling him your going to leave..... don't feel guilty coz it can help you and your relationship with your husband. then if you will se that he really change and you still love him go back to him and if he still did it again to you then leave him for good coz there's no way for him to change!! goodluck to you!!!!!!! you can do it!!!!!!!!
2006-09-11 12:50:37
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answer #10
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answered by honeyko_japan 3
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