I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, and he says he is not ready to move in togethor, start a family etc.... I love him to death and can't imamine life with out him. But how long do I wait?
2006-09-11 04:21:58 · 22 answers · asked by believesucceedfanfare 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Have another conversation with him about this...in an understanding way.Let him know you understand he's not ready now and you're willing to wait(because you love him)but...you need to know where this is going.Ask him what he expects from your relationship,now and in the future...
If what you have right now is all he wants..ever....I'd ask myself what you want.You want keep waiting arround for nothing?
Hope the two of you work it out..good luck!
2006-09-11 04:29:24 · answer #1 · answered by marjoleindnl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you two? That could make a difference. Living together can be more of a sign of convenience than commitment for some... "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" will sometimes pop in here. Not all men view living together as pre-engagement.
I'm currently living with my fiance and his father, but we don't have plans to start a family and I don't know when we're getting married (we haven't set a date). I've been living with him for over a year now and we've said before that we're living as married, but to be honest I'm more afraid of the commitment than most guys.
You may want to tell him that you want to move up in the relationship... if a family and husband are what you want, you need to make sure that he wants that as well. You may want to set up an ultimatum. If his goals don't mesh with yours, it'll be hard to leave (especially since you can't imagine life without him), but you may need to in order to achieve the home life you desire.
A lot of guys will want to settle down around 30-ish... but this isn't always the case. Best of luck!
2006-09-11 11:30:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you be upfront and honest w/ him. Don't get pregnant on purpose or anything 'cause that will make the situation worst.. All I can say is when a man really loves a woman, he would atleast want to move in... My bf and I have been together a year and are planning a future together... Ask him his reasons why he's not ready... I don't know his living situation, or his financial situation, and that could be a factor as to why he doesn't want to settle down. I agree that yous hould be honest w/ him. It could be soo many reasons as to why he doesn't want to take that step. So talk to him, and make your decision based off that... Good Luck...
2006-09-11 12:23:54 · answer #3 · answered by qbanita0113 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This day and age 3 years is a long time. Ask him why he doesn't want to live together. Maybe he likes things as they are but you should move on if he won't change his mind soon. Does he live on his own or with parents? If with parents then maybe he feels more financially secure there with them and the thought of leaving that comfort and stability gives him too much worry and anxiety. If he is already on his own then maybe he likes things a certain way (like his form of housekeeping and sleeping and eating habits as well as his freedom to come and go)and doesn't want to change anything.
2006-09-11 11:29:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ew. You sound terribly desperate. If you want to settle down with someone, you need to move on. This guy obviously doesn't want that.
Look at it this way -- He obviously imagines his life quite well without you in it every second of the day. You and he both need new directions away from each other.
2006-09-11 11:24:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's entirely your call how long you will wait....but I've said this before, there is no bigger waste of time and love than wanting someone who does not want to be wanted.
Does he provide rationale for not being ready (financial) --- maybe you just aren't the right girl for him --- find out.
2006-09-11 11:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 years? And he won't even move in? Uh... I don't think it's ever gonna happen honey. My sister dated a guy like this for 9 years... 9 years she waited until she finally decided nothing would happen. Dump him now and find yourself someone who's grown up and ready for adulthood.
2006-09-11 11:23:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is just keeping you until he finds your replacement. Time to take a hike. If he doesn't move toward marriage within the first 2 years then he never will.
Options are to get pregnant and force a choice or leave him and get someone who wants YOU.
2006-09-11 11:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by campojoe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a question only you can answer. People here will tell you that you've waited too long already, and I am inclined to agree with them.
2006-09-11 11:24:26 · answer #9 · answered by Chris D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's insistant about not wanting to move forward with you, you should seek counseling together. If he's not interested in seeking counseling, perhaps he's just not ready to move forward -- and maybe it's time for you to move on and find someone else.
Good luck!
2006-09-11 11:24:08 · answer #10 · answered by HoosierMommy06 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋