What can I tell my son?

Question

My son is 12 years old and yesterday he started crying saying that he does not want to grow up. He normally is not a kid that is always crying and there has been two occasions in a week where he starts crying out of a sudden. The first time was because he was worried about failing Math and last night it was because he said that he has noticed how fast time goes and he does not want to get older.

He was saying that he does not want to grow up and have to move out of the house and not being with us. He was also saying that he remembers how we would sit down and watch the crocodile hunter together and now he is dead.

The first question I guess is, how do I explain to him that growing up is part of life and that it is all good?

The second question is, why is he thinking about thinks like this? Could be due to his hormones changing and all that?

I appreciate your help. Thanks

Thank you all so much for your advise. This really helps!!

Answer 1

It does sound like it's due to his age and hormonal changes as that would explain the crying, a lot of kids get that both boys and girls so it's nothing to worry about.
I'm not sure why he's worrying about how time passes, sounds like there's a few things going on in his mind that are stressing him out and he's fixating too much on the things he can't control like time, death etc.
Just make sure he knows he can come tell you anything and you will always be there to listen and help. Maybe see if you can help him regarding the maths thing as that seems to be getting him down, maybe a tutor if he's really having trouble? If not, just make sure he knows he is capable of passing maths. Ask him why he feels he cannot and what he thinks would make him feel better?
Also make sure he knows you're not gonna kick him out the house when he turns 18, that he is always welcome in your home and you love him a lot. He sounds like he needs a lot of big cuddles and reassurance that things do change but there will always be friends and family to support him through this and that you are always proud of him.
He's nearly a teenager maybe he thinks he should be more grown up cos of that but doesn't feel he is? Poor wee love. It sounds like you are a very caring parent as it's worrying you and he is very lucky to have someone who loves him that much. xx

Answer 2

Know what, I was the same thing. I really didn't want to grow up. Its a scary world, and I realized that long before. But, as I got older (im now 19), i realized that theres a lot of good too. Women, friends, new experiences, etc...So, maybe just letting him know that life will have it's ups and downs will settle him. Yes, hormones will be part of this too, cause new things are happening. Girls are becoming noticable, and he's starting to become self concious. It really bites to be that age sometimes. But, if he sticks through it, life will get better. Really hope this helps.

Answer 3

I used to think similar things at his age. The realization that such luxury and bliss was about to fade forever was quite a shock. What your son should consider is that growing up has many advantages. In a few years he'll be able to start driving and break into a new degree of freedom. He'll be able to get a job and start making money. People will start taking him more seriously. His talents will further develop. And with these changes coming on, he'll finally be able to get out and forefill the dreams he's always had. This is how I viewed things and I ended up looking forward to the future rather than dreading it!

Answer 4

Depression is a problem many teens face. It often disguises itself as normal ‘mood swings’ due to puberty or teen angst. Therefore, it is often ignored until something more serious happens, like a suicide attempt or serious risk taking behavior gets the teen into trouble.

If you think your teen is depressed, do not ignore it. If your teen is depressed, there are things you can do and steps you can take that will help your teenager overcome their depression. If it turns out he/she is not depressed, you’ve showed him/her that you cared enough to check it out. Either way, you and your teen wins.

Here are five things you should do if you think your teen is depressed:

* Talk with your teen about your concerns. Share with him/her that you have noticed some signs of depression and what those signs are.

Ask your teen what he/she feels is causing these signs. You may find they have an explanation. The most important part of this talk is for you to let your teen know that you are there and you can help.
* Make an appointment for your teen to see their doctor. There could be a physical reason for your teenager to be showing some of the symptoms you are seeing.
* Check your teen’s family medical history. You need to know if there is any clinical depression or other mood disorders that may affect your teen.
* Make an appointment for a consultation with a specialist in adolescent psychology. Once you have talked to them, you will feel more comfortable with making an appointment for your teen.
* You need to not talk to anyone else. As much as possible, keep this to yourself. You need to respect your teen’s privacy and not share this with everyone in the family.

Answer 5

This is completely normal for kids that age. My son is an only child, and he said the same thing. Cried just like that and did more than once.

Your son is attatched to you and doesnt want that to end, but if I were you....I wouldnt say a thing about it, unless he brings it up. Just reassure him, that he'll be glad he got to grow up.

Your son really loves you, sounds like youve done your job well.

Dont worry, he'll quit bringing it up. My son did, and now he wants to be grown up. Its only been 2 years since he started that exact thing.

Answer 6

HI,I,m a mother of TWO.BOY and GIRL,Trust me,Your son has just resently been tramatised,It may be as simple as The Croc.Guy dieing or he started a New Grade in School and its a scary Thing for him,What ever it may be,you need to spend one on one time with him and ask him whats really bothering him!{Father and Son Time Alone,doing something you,s Love to do!{TO relxe him into opening up!Good Luck!Hollywood!

Answer 7

There isn't much to actually say right now. He'll probably outgrow it in time, as long as he knows you love him.

Make sure you do watch him though, in case he is actually getting depression: The world now is scarrier than it was when many of us grown-ups were kids. And the kids know it.