I'm not talking about purposeful defense mechanisms here... I'm talking about the general mindset of society.
When I ask people how their day was they respond with 'it was okay.' I literally have to pry with three more questions until I get to a meaningful answer.
And it's not that they do it on purpose... it's just that people are taught not to open up.
Why? Why must we as a society be afraid to open up to our friends?
I have a policy with my friends (and even strangers) that I will answer any question that doesn't violate my right to safety or someone else's rights to privacy. You ask me a question, I will answer it, no matter what the topic.
What really surprises me is how people are about their sex life. Countless times people will bring the subject up, as if to brag a little... and then when I actually ask what they did... they clam up.
Not that I am some pervert trying to imagine them doing stuff... it's just that I expect people to be honest and open.
2006-09-11 03:45:05 · 9 answers · asked by kenny_the_bomb 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The first answer definitely struck a chord. Even with my best friends, who confide in me daily... there are STILL things they have trouble talking with me about... like past family history. Why is that even remotely embarassing? So what if your sister was a whore? Am I going to cast that shadow onto you? And if I did, does it matter? You would know if I am a true friend then if I did.
2006-09-11 03:54:56 · update #1
I find it necesarry to pry because I truly believe that confiding to your friends is what truly builds a successful relationship. I have nothing to hide with my friends... no nasty secrets for them to find out and think badly of me. When it comes up, I talk about issues with them. I guess I just expect people to maturely be able to handle someone who actually cares what is going on in their life.
2006-09-11 03:57:22 · update #2
open=vulnerable=open-to-attack=prey
people will not be honest and open.
your expectations are unrealistic.
our culture is hard on folks who are.
i have been where you are years ago.
i learned that it is too much, too high expectation to expect this.
be happy if you can get it from your best friend & your lover.
2006-09-11 03:47:33 · answer #1 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think it's smart and wiser in my old age of 40 years old to not tell a whole lot. Even to your closest friends, until you really get to know someone. People will take what you tell them and smear it in your nose later on.Or they may even get mad at you and tell what you told them, So be care-full. I to try to be Honest. But just telling everything is not being honest it's being plain Stupid. We all have our on things we don't like to air out in public. This does not mean that we are not Honest. If someone ask me how I am doing, I might say OK or fine. This is pretty true. I just don't go into telling them what I did the whole day. Not because I'm mean or secretive, But, because this is just how I am. Maybe other people are this way to? God Bless!
2006-09-11 11:50:10 · answer #2 · answered by SecretUser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a good question but definately too long a question.
People like to have a sense of the mystique about them. No one wants to share every little thing about themselves. No one wants to be an open book read by everyone that comes along.
2006-09-12 15:15:03 · answer #3 · answered by December Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you want them to reply " No I am not fine, everything goes wrong !! " and they had to repeat that same story to everyone who ask " How's your day ? " - Basically, people just want to forget unhappy moments and maybe they thought you can't do anything to help, so why bother to explain so much and in the end the answer would be " I am so sorry to hear that, take care and tomorrow will be a better day "
2006-09-11 10:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by Jixiang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but ur r a very unusual specimen. Most people rn't forthright because we r barraged daily with judgements on our appearance, our thoughts, our tastes n our desires from sources like the media, our families, our peers n sometimes even our friends. So personally i tend not to open up cuz it leaves me less to worry about later.
2006-09-11 10:58:07 · answer #5 · answered by Belle 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know. It's a defense mechanism and the way we were raised. We also don't believe people really care how you feel or how your day is really going. They want the short secretive answer.
2006-09-11 10:50:09 · answer #6 · answered by uclmr@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe there are some things that people like to retain for themselves. it is private. it belongs to them and no one else. the only place where there is any true privacy now a days. why do you find it so necessary to pry.
2006-09-11 10:53:21 · answer #7 · answered by dolly c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
because other people are so nosey!
Everyone compares themselves and their lives to others, so to give too much away gets the smug people jackin off, so tell them nothing.
2006-09-11 10:52:13 · answer #8 · answered by vaivagabundo 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why does everyone need to know everyone else's business?
2006-09-11 11:05:55 · answer #9 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋