I'm pregnant and not married. I thought it was not a big deal, but it is. How should I tell him?

Question

My bf is a great guy, and we live together. I don't know why, but I had a change of mind about it.

Answer 1

It doesn't have to be a big deal. Just tell him, and let him know that he's expected to help. Good luck.

Answer 2

It would be a very hard conversation to have, much less start. You might just start out by telling him something has been bothering you. Go into it like you are making fun of yourself for being hormonal. "Something has been bothering me. Babe, I feel weird being pregnant and single." I would hope you guys have they type of relationship where you are comfortable talking about things. Even tough the really tough and sticky things.

Please don't expect him to jump up and propose. Go into the conversation with no expectations except to be heard out. Realize the conversation may go badly. I do hope the best for you.

Just one more thing. It is ok to be pregnant and single. It may not be the way most of us envisioned our lives but it can be done and result in a happy healthy child and relationship.

Answer 3

You should sit down with him and basically tell him the truth, that you feel that if you are good enough to make him a father and be the mother to his child, does he also feel that you are good enough to be his wife? Depending on what his response is, you will know what plans he has for the future. Also, you need to bring up the fact that this child will be born out of wedlock and you would not want this child to be taught such values - that it is okay to get pregnant and live with your partner and not be married. Therefore, you want to make your family official. Another thing is that because you do not have his last name, your child will have different last name than yours and he/she will eventually know that you are not married... It simply does not set a good example I believe.

Answer 4

Just tell him that you have prioritized your life and reevaluated the needs of the baby. You feel that it is in the best of interest of the baby that he or she grow up in a stable environment with two committed parents who are married. If he loves you and the baby he will gladly agree. However if a man isn't ready for marriage then he isn't ready for a baby... I am sorry to say. You are now going to have to question why your BF doesn't want marriage if it ends up being that way.

I wish luck!

Answer 5

Practically speaking, the value of marriage is to hopefully ensure that there is sufficient income to support the needs of the child. There is probably no good way to tell someone that their life is about to change in a big way. Perhaps you might "feel him out" by asking something like "how would you feel if I got pregnant"? If his response is positive, then you know you can tell him. If it is negative, then you are still going to have to tell him...then you are going to have to go to court and file for child support. If he isn't willing to be a father to this child...tough luck, he is going to have to at least provide financial support for this child.

Answer 6

its not a big deal raising a child on ur own, but if u want the father to be around , tell him that ur pg and that u would like to get married before the child is born since u both live together already.

Answer 7

Well the way I see it if it was a big deal to him he should not have been having sex but because he helped u and u didn't get pregnant alone he should be able to handle it. Also I agree with some one who said tell him in a calm relaxed place,alone.

Answer 8

Ok, first thing is first, you need to decide is this the kind of guy that you want to be your child's dad? Is this your boyfriend do you love him? Or was it just a fling? I have been in your shoes. NEVER get married just because you are pregnant, it will only end in heart ache. If you love him, that is different, but don't make the baby the reason.

I was with my boyfriend for 3 yrs and we were engaged when I got pregnant and he left me when I was 5 months pregnant because it got to be too much preasure for him. From the very beginning you need to tell yourself that you don't need to count on anyone else. If someone else is there, then hey that is great, but don't expect it, don't set your sites too hi, it will only set you up for a heart ache. I pray for you that this man is a man, and will be there for his child and you, whether you two decide to have a relationship or not. But... there is nothing wrong with your child having a step father, they can be just as good as a real father if not better. That is, if the real father isn't good for your child.

These are all things you should think about. See, I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to keep my daughter's father in her life, and he ended up hurting her because he never comes around or calls and I ended up in a long custody battle with someone who didn't even want her but wanted to make me suffer. If you think you would rather move on, then don't tell him. I know, that sounds horrible. But.... if you tell him you will have to deal with him for the rest of your life. Being a single mother is hard, yes, but it's not so bad.

I met a wonderful man when my daughter was 1 yr old and we are married with another son and one on the way. My daughter calls hims dad, and I was free to move where I wanted without her real dad standing in my way. But... he still calls often, and never to ask how she is doing mind you. Just to bug me, to be a thorn in my side. Never even talks about her.

Only take this into account, if you think that would be what is best for your child. Getting married because of the baby and not because of love will not be what is best for the baby. Because in the future you two may resent each other for tying each other down for the wrong reasons, fighting, and maybe even divorce later is not easy. my parents got divorced when I was 8 and it was sooo very hard. If you feel you must tell him, give him two choices. One be a full time dad, a real dad, or disappear. That is the only way to do it. Your child does not need a half *** dad. Am I right?

If you feel you must tell him. Then what you need to do is invite him over for dinner and tell him you need to talk to him about something seriouse. And be upfront from the very beginning, tell him your pregnant, but that you don't expect anything from him unless he wants to be involved. Tell him what I said, either be there all the way or not at all. But that if he can't handle it, he needs to decide now and not do the back and forth thing on you, that is not fair to you. Most men don't consider themselves fathers until they are holding a child in their arms, but we... we are mom's from the day we find out we're pregnant and take the responsiblity that way. We make sacrafices from the very beginning and most men do not. They keep the attitude that they got 9 months... yada yada yada. Ask him to come to your appointments with you, and if you two want to proceed with dating and see how it goes. But don't rush into a marriage, plz. Make sure it what you both want for you, not for your child. Then... give him some time to think. Even if he doesn't call you for a few weeks. Let him think. He will contact you. And if he doesn't, then he wasn't worth it anyway. Preasure though can mess with his thoughts. I know it will be stressful. Hey email me. We can talk more I've been through all of this more than once. Longer stories lol. I promise you though if you give him his space he will be more likely to do the right thing. Instead of rational thoughts he will be able to think it through. But... if he right off says he wants to be there and is thrilled then hey you got it made. But that doesn't mean that he won't panic later, let him, they do that.

I'm sorry this is so long! But I hope this helps.

Answer 9

Been there. You're right... it is really hard! I just gave my guy a big hug and whispered it into his ear. He didn't say anything for a long while, but he kept hugging me. It's a shocker to men, I believe, more so than women. At least we have the warning signs from our bodies before we find out for sure. They have no idea until it hits them with your words! Congrats!

Answer 10

You need to talk to him seriously about your concerns and feelings. He may believe that you're also comfortable with the current living arrangements. Just make sure you're not feeling the need to marry just because of the baby. You don't ever want that to be thrown back in your face when things get heated.

Good luck!